


Starmates

by HedaIzzy



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Clexa, Commander Lexa (The 100), Eyes, F/F, Hearts, Heda Lexa (The 100), Love, Peace, Romance, Soulmates, War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-12-14
Packaged: 2020-05-29 16:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 52,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19404178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HedaIzzy/pseuds/HedaIzzy
Summary: Lexa and Clarke are trying to keep the peace, but their hearts are looking for something else.Among a thousand problems and situations to manage, the glow in the eyes of one makes the other fall in love.A journey into their thoughts.A hurricane of emotions.





	1. This is your story, Lexa

Lexa's pov  
It's been two days since Clarke tried to kill me. I can't get that image out of my head. Did she become like that because of me? My betrayal at Mount Weather forced her to do things that marked her life. God knows how much it cost me to look into her eyes, those eyes, and having to leave her there alone. It was days that the commanders in my head tried to communicate with me and pushed me to break the alliance with the Skaikru, but until that moment I had managed to remain lucid and to respect my will. Then, having seen my people finally free from mountain torture, I had to choose. The pact was necessary for my people to remember that they will always be in the first place for me. But is it really so now? I can't keep my head clear, I keep seeing Clarke's eyes, the same ones who smiled when she looked at me and said "You already did it", now they are full of anger and disappointment. Even worse, when she put the knife to my throat, they were dull, dark, as if she felt nothing. Then, she broke out and tears came. Tears I caused. I told her she was free to go, but I didn't do it for her. Crossing his gaze and seeing hatred and disgust towards me is destroying me. I didn't want her to leave. And she didn't do it. She surprised me again, she accepted my proposal: now her people will join mine as the thirteenth clan. Although she continued to look at me with contempt as she said it, I managed to breathe easily for a few seconds, perhaps she understood that to maintain peace my authority is necessary. It's a start, now it's up to me not to disappoint her again.  
When the sun is at its peak, Clarke will have to meet her mother to explain the conditions of the alliance. I hear a knock on the door. It is Titus who enters saying: "Commander, Wanheda has requested to see her".  
I nod consenting to see her. Obviously. I only hope that she has not changed her mind, if she decides to return to Arkadia, I will have lost her forever. Clarke comes in and comes towards me. I notice that in her eyes a bit of that light comes back that reminds me of my mother's. I remember everything about her, probably without her I would never have passed my father's death and would have made his teachings vain. I was about to drop everything. But that light in her eyes as she spoke to me made me stay. In her eyes I saw emotions, courage and strength. The same traits that I see in those of Clarke. When I look at them sometimes I have to hide the chills that memories make me. "... it is likely that initially they are opposed to the coalition," Clarke is saying. I realize that I didn't hear the first part of the speech and probably she noticed it too, because she is staring at me quizzically. In my head there is a hurricane of memories and thoughts of the commanders that preceded me, but there is another. Agitation, feelings. Clarke says it's probably better to tackle that topic later, when I'm more lucid, and at that point I'm afraid he'll leave, but I'm surprised again by saying, "Commander, why all these candles? Is it a custom of the Trikru? " I feel drowned. How is it possible that this girl always manages to ask me questions that force me to talk to her about me and my past? However she is still looking me in the eyes, and I can see a spark of curiosity besides the light that characterizes them. Shit, I've never told anyone about it, but I can't disappoint those eyes, not again. I beckon her to sit on the bed and I do the same, being careful to stay distant so as to avoid contacts that could be unwelcome to her that still hates me deeply, or so it seems so far.  
I begin to talk by staring alternately at the candle on the bed and Clarke's eyes. "When I was 12, my father did not return from an espionage mission to one of the nearby lands. My mother kept telling me that he would come back, but I had never been good at believing people and I remained in anguish for days, if not weeks, waiting for her return. One morning I woke up hearing a knock at the door, where my mother and Anya, who was then the commander, came in and explained to me that my father had been killed in a fight. In the evening the body would have been burned as was the custom with the dead. After those weeks of anguish, I thought I would have accepted the news better as I was prepared, but it wasn't. I didn't cry, I don't do that from birth, probably. I simply stood still and asked to be alone. I spent all day remembering it. To remember every word, every gesture, every teaching. Shortly before the fire ceremony, my mother entered the room. I had chosen to run away and be alone for a while, I couldn't stay there, everything reminded me of him. My mother had probably understood my intentions, because she knelt before me and stared into my eyes. She told me not to do it, that I would make all my father's teachings useless. She told me she needed me. The light in her eyes was replaced by tears. At that moment I decided to stay, since I was a child my parents prepared me to become commander, and now I had one more reason to do so. My father. We went to the ceremony and Anya called me next to her to set fire. 'You gouplei ste udon' were everyone's last words. Late in the evening, back in my room, I found my mother on the bed, with an unlit candle in her hand. I sat next to her. "  
Taken from the memory I can't hide the shivers this time, and I notice that Clarke has noticed it. I raise my head and continue to talk, hoping to shift her attention. "She told me that there is a reason why when someone dies, we repeat the same sentence for everyone. 'Life is a struggle, Lexa, remember your father's words. When a person dies, his fight is said to be over, but I don't think this is his case. He now has to fight for you, to protect you, and remember that he will always be by your side'. She told me to light the candle with her and I did it. That candle was the symbol that my father kept fighting for me. So I continued to train and follow Titus' lessons, every evening I went back to checking if the candle was still lit. It always was. When Anya died, I killed the others Natblida and became the new commander. In the evening I found the candle extinguished. I thought that my father's struggle was over, and now it was up to me to continue mine. One of the first things I did was the tattoo behind my back. Then I imposed that for every grounder who died, a candle would be lit by his loved ones. This would have been placed in Polis, where it was more representative for the person for whom it was turned on. It's a way for losses to continue with us. "  
Clarke is in front of me, and I notice that she tries to speak but stops. In her eyes now the light is more intense than ever. I would like to stay and stare at them for hours, but she interrupts the silence by saying: "I was right when I said that you made me change your mind about you grounders. It's a wonderful story, Lexa, and it's your story. I'm glad you talked to me about it."  
Hearing me call Lexa again shakes me up, she didn't do it from before my betrayal. My heart is missing a beat and I realize that I'm still staring at her eyes, and I'm not even blinking. I immediately recover and look up, changing the subject. "Clarke, your mother will be here soon, you better go get ready." She gets out of bed and leaves, after saying: "See you later, Lex ... er ... commander". I can't hold back a smile, but she doesn't notice because she's already gone. She spoke my name again. I don't know how much what I just told her is worth to her, but for me it has enormous value. I had never told anyone, not even Costia, and I didn't think I'd ever do it. Perhaps in her eyes there is even more light than in my mother's.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	2. Green eyes and sketched smiles

Lexa's pov  
The ceremony that annexed the Skaikru to the coalition as the thirteenth clan was going well, when Bellamy arrived with some of his own. Azgeda broke the agreements, betrayed the coalition and exterminated part of sky people. Abby, Kane and Bellamy returned to Arkadia to deploy their forces, Clarke remained by my side. She didn't hesitate for a moment. I know she told them she did it because I keep my word, but I think she's starting to trust me. Precisely for this reason, now that it's just me, her and Titus here, I'm waiting for him to leave us alone. Clarke paces back and forth in the room, and I want to go talk to her, just to reassure her. Before leaving, Titus tells me to watch what I do. Probably he also disagrees with the annexation of the thirteenth clan, because he thinks it puts me in a dangerous position, and causes a rebellion. It will not be so. I will bring peace, and to do so difficult choices are necessary, even if these should put me in danger. Just don't put her in danger. Clarke. When I told Bellamy that she would be under my protection I was more than sincere. I will not allow anything to happen to her, not after she has begun to trust me again after my betrayal at Mont Weather.  
It's just the two of us in the room, and Clarke wastes no time and starts asking me questions about what happened to her people. "Our people" I correct her, and I see that in her eyes the light of emotions is partly replaced by anxiety. Tonight I need to see them really shine, I need to know that she's quiet. What will happen in the next few hours could pose dangers for all clans. It's up to me to handle everything, but somehow I feel I need Clarke, her light, her splendor. However the wounds that I caused are still open, because she starts to say: "If you betray me another time ..." but I stop her.  
I kneel before her, noticing the reflection of the candles in her eyes. I remember the memory of the other night, when I told her about my father, and about the practice of candles for the dead. I told myself not to make the same mistake anymore, not to open my heart to a person, not to let her know my weaknesses. Yet I am doing something again that I have never done. I notice her surprised look when I look back at her. She didn't expect it. "I swear fealty to you, Clarke kom Skaikru. I vow to treat your needs as my own and your people as my people". These are the words that come out of my mouth without me having to force myself to think about them. I wanted to tell her for a long time. I want her to stay here in Polis, but not just for her people. I want her to learn about us. And winning her trust is a good start, I think.  
She holds out her hand to help me get up. For the first time it is she who looks into my eyes as if there were something inside. I wish her could see the light I see in her. Maybe she would understand that I am sincere, and that I would not be able to betray them again.

Clarke's pov  
Lexa just knelt in front of me, and swore loyalty to me. I would not have ever expected. Above all, I never expected the emptiness I felt in my stomach when she did. Maybe I was just surprised. I helped her up, and now we're staring into each other's eyes. I remember that not even the other night, when she told me about her past, I had done it. I was afraid to meet her eyes for too long. I was afraid that I would be lost there, and that she was doing all this to have my trust and betray it again. But now that I'm staring at her eyes, I see nothing else. I seem to see my reflection in it. They are so green that I am not surprised that she is a grounder. In those eyes I read strength, courage, wisdom and ... something else. Something I never imagined seeing. Fragility. I wonder if she realizes it. I knew that besides being the commander she is a girl, and she feels emotions like me, but what she always said, "Love is weakness" often made me think that she didn't have any. So what does it mean if I see weakness in her eyes now? I notice that now it is late evening, and the sky has turned from orange to dark blue, almost black. If it were not for the stars I would be afraid of it. I look back at Lexa, who has not yet spoken after the oath and I decide to break the ice: "It is now night, commander". I approach the window and notice that she does the same. We stay for a few minutes to see the stars, and sometimes I look at them reflected in her green eyes. I hope she doesn't notice, but at some point I do it so insistently that she probably noticed. I don't care, it's a beautiful show. For a moment the thought of our people coming into contact passes through my mind. The stars, in the green of a forest.  
I do not know whether by eye contact or what she told me the other night, I start talking. "Have you ever wondered why we came down to Earth?" She raises her eyebrows, as if she wanted to know it from some time, but she never had the chance to do it. "My father found that the available oxygen was about to end. He also knew that the council wanted to keep the news confidential, but he didn't think it was right. I knew it because I heard when he explained it to my mother. In those days Wells was my best friend, as well as being the son of Chancellor Jaha. I told him everything, knowing he would never betray me". I notice that at the word "betrayed" she looks down, interrupting eye contact, and I can't help wondering how she spent the time after her betrayal at Mont Weather. On the other hand, she had helped us until the last moment, and when she left we didn't really need her people. I was so full of hatred for myself, for pulling that lever down, that I blamed it on her.  
I realize I stopped and immediately resume. "A few days later my father was arrested and executed. Before he left he had given me his watch. It's the only memory I have of him here on Earth. I was destroyed, I had a special relationship with him, even deeper than that with my mother. I got mad at Wells and our bond broke. Every day I thought of my father, of our moments together. I kept telling myself to be strong as how he was". Lexa interrupts me saying: "You are strong, Clarke. I already told you, your heart shows no signs of weakness. This is why you are you. That's why they call you Wanheda now. Everyone sees your strength, me first. It looks like you were educated as a commander. That's why I need you ... ".  
I notice that she was going to add something else but she stops. Astonished by those words, I can't help but nod and start talking again. "On the day of his death, I realized that it was not Wells who had betrayed me. She had been my mother and I had never had the courage to admit it to myself, Lexa ".  
When I say her name, she starts and looks at me in fear, as if she didn't want me to notice. I pretend not to have seen her. "When Wells died, I felt guilty and realized what a wonderful person he was. He had allowed me to hate him for years just to protect myself. All the hatred was now towards my mother. When Raven had fixed the radio, I had the chance to talk to her and spit my hatred in her face. When she tried to justify himself, I tore up the cables and interrupted the communication. To hear her cry would probably lead me to forgive her and I didn't want to. In those days my emotions were a weakness, they had always been. Until Finn's death. You helped me. I probably never would have overcome it without you. At the beginning I didn't understand your idea, I couldn't understand the fact that you thought of love as a weakness. But Finn haunted me, I saw him everywhere. I was about to go crazy. When he appeared before me for the umpteenth time, I told him to leave me alone. That love is a weakness. And he's gone.  
Lexa smiled a little. It is the second time she does it, the first was when we were trying to save ourselves from the Pauna and she had told me about her spirit. She's really gorgeous when she smiles. It's such a rare thing that you can't help but do it when she does it. I naturally ask myself who else she did it with. Our eyes meet again and she starts talking. I don't know if I can listen to it clearly, because while she is smiling her eyes are so bright to blind. More than any star I had ever seen from the Ark.

Lexa's pov  
"You know Clarke, your mother probably thought protecting you and her people would involve your father's sacrifice. A bit like me at Mont Weather. It was the hardest choice I ever had to make and believe me, there are many of them every day as a commander. But it was days that the commanders in my head were tormenting me, they didn't want our alliance. I had always rejected them, but this time I had failed. I knew you would be strong, and I decided to let you realize how much you was. The following days were terrible. As a commander I had never betrayed an alliance. But that wasn't the only reason. I ... well I started care about you. At night I dreamed of your eyes when you lowered that lever, and I woke up when mine appeared in theirs place. Your hatred of yourself, I caused it. This is why I now feel compelled to protect you and your people. You probably don't need it, but they do. You always protected them, but let me do it now and make difficult decisions. Stay by my side and help me, but stop hating yourself. Each action causes another. It is up to us now to take peace. And we will do it.  
I look down, when Clarke begins to speak. "We will do it together. Don't even think about doing it alone. All this time, I turned hatred towards myself to you. The other night, when you told me about your father, I struggled to sleep at night. It was there that I said goodbye to hatred of myself. It was thanks to you. I could never hate you, Lexa. The choices we make now will surely be different from the previous ones ". We take our forearms and together we say "To the future of our people".  
Then Clarke returns to her room, saying "Goodnight, Lexa". She no longer calls me Commander or Heda when we are alone. I exchange with a "Goodnight, Clarke". When I lie down on the bed and close my eyes, I can't help but think about the fact that each of us knows things about the other that nobody knows. I fall asleep smiling.

Clarke's pov  
Arriving in my room I lay down on the bed with my hands behind my head, and I look towards the window.  
The stars shine more than before, and they seem to want to make fun of me when I see them in Lexa's eyes. I fall asleep and dream green eyes and sketched smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	3. Thank you for staying

Lexa's pov  
When Queen Nia started the coup during the assembly, I had already realized her intentions. I knew that what she wanted was a challenge to get the throne, and initially I had the idea of deploying one of my most promising fighters, Aden for example. I have trained that boy so long that he is even stronger than me before my Conclave. When my fight will be over, he will be a great successor. However when Nia turned to Clarke during the assembly, in that tone of contempt, I was furious. From there I decided that I would go to the battlefield myself. For my people, to honor my father's teachings, for me ... and for Clarke. She had to know that she is safe with me. However the way she looked at me, even the expression in her eyes, made me feel guilty. There was nothing of their heavenly light, only fear. Terror, almost. But for what reason? The head leads me to think that if I lost the duel and died, she would probably be killed and her people destroyed. But the heart, the same one that I had promised not to reopen to anyone, continues to accelerate so much that it takes my breath away. Was it possible that Clarke was worried about me? To lose me? No, impossible. For Clarke her people come first. Her friends, her mother, live with them. Probably I'm just the commander for her, despite what happened last night. She opened up to me, told me about her father as I told her about mine. Not to mention the way she stared at my eyes while I watched the stars. She believed I hadn't noticed, but instead I had noticed it very well. Who knows what she saw there. When I look at them in the mirror, I see them turned off, of an intense green but devoid of emotions. Because that's how everyone sees me. The spirit of the commander lies in me, as well as its values. This is precisely why emotions must not obscure my thinking. Love is a weakness, love ends, hearts break. Sometimes it spoils people's lives. Feeling deprived of the person you love, it's probably the most intense pain you can experience. More than any wound in battle.  
I shake my head and dismiss those reflections. How did I get to this point? What's the point in thinking about love now that I'm wearing battle armor to go down into the arena? It does not make sense. The commanders in my head are very agitated, and I perceive a lot of anger and concern in their minds. The same ones I felt in Clarke's eyes when she tried to dissuade me from wanting to go into battle. She had even risked her life trying to poison Nia, to save mine. It was she who informed us of the existence of a Natblida from Azgeda, so I wonder if her concerns are due to the fact that if Aden lost the Conclave against Ontari, no one would worry about her people. This is why I will survive today. I remember the moment in the tent, when I kissed her for the first time. She had said that life should be more than just surviving. That we deserve better. At the time I didn't fully believe in that thesis, but now I'm starting to think it's right. The last words that Clarke told me: "I won't be sitting there watching you die" keep coming back to my mind, even replacing the thoughts of the commanders. She will not come to my duel. She is sure that I have no hope against Roan, and probably while I fight I will be looking for a way to save her people if things go wrong. The idea that she stays in her room to worry about me floats in my mind, but I'm afraid it's just stupid hope. The last time we spoke I was unbearable with her. I told her to let me go, that she couldn't stop it, to make her angry. lIf she's angry with me, she probably won't suffer if I die today. Or at least, she won't risk her life again trying to save me. The memory of us fighting the Pauna together is growing in my head. "Because I need you" were her words. Being so close to death had never been better. "Your heart shows no signs of weakness," I told her. Mine now has one, and it's her.

Clarke's pov  
It's time, in a few minutes the fight will start. I'm terrified for Lexa. I've never seen her fight, but I've seen Roan and I know what kind of opponent she will be up against. I hear the words of Titus and the cries of the public, so the duel is about to begin. I need to see Lexa, to cross her green eyes and be able to see in them the sunlight, to remember the stars that were there the night before. That night it really felt like the stars protected her. They shone around her, but her light was even more intense. A heavenly fire. I push through the crowd and my heart skips a beat. Lexa has already seen me, she is looking towards me with her mouth ajar in surprise and her eyes are wide. Suddenly I see in her the fragility I had seen that night. She did not believe that I would come, she had repeatedly tried to make me lose hope of saving her and I had always been furious with her. But now I look at her and I see a girl. A simple girl, beautiful, with deep eyes that dig up to the soul. A girl with a warpaint on her face and a suitably heavier armor wrapped around her body. Suddenly all my anxieties disappear, I had never seen her so strong. "Glad to see you," she says, interrupting the interminable moment of silence. "Me too" I answer and she immediately changes expression turning and unsheathing her sword. When I close my eyes I feel a blow and I understand that the fight has begun. Whatever name may be attributed to the fear I feel inside, it is certainly the strongest emotion I have ever experienced.

Lexa's pov  
She came. Clarke is here. My heart calms down, and my mind feels clearer. I manage to repulse the blow that Roan hoped to strike suddenly, and I go on the attack. When our swords come into contact, I feel the danger on my skin. Physically Roan is much more gifted than me, which is why I use my father's teachings. "Take advantage of the moment, make every move imperceptible" I repeat myself. Then I see it. The sword that Roan is using belongs to Queen Nia. It's the same one who cut Costia's neck when she killed her. The anger prevails in me and I start to tighten the blade, with the blood that stains it. I get up and manage to deprive Roan of his weapons. Cunning as he is, he gets a spear from a nearby fighter and returns to the attack. He manages to deprive me of my two swords and I am on the ground before I even realized it. I see her, I see Clarke. In my head I see her eyes, the light in that deep blue. I can't leave her, not now. Not now that life is really about more than surviving. I wish I could tell her this in words. I dismiss the blow that could have been fatal and I hit Roan at the back of his knee, causing him to fall. I get up and fight, until he is lying on the ground, without any hope. Not even a minute ago I was in that position. But I have Clarke, in her eyes I find the strength I need to fight. He has nobody. He doesn't deserve to die. Costia did not deserve to die. Only one person must die, and at this very moment.  
I launch with all the strength I have in my body the lance towards Nia, who is hit in the chest and dies instantly. Blood must have blood. "The queen is dead!" I scream. "Long live the king!".  
I hear the audience shouting enthusiastically and I am still looking for a light in the crowd, but it does not appear. When I find it, the feeling of relief I feel is indescribable. I was afraid I would never see her again. She is stunned, and the light in her eyes is more intense than ever. She mentions a smile when she realizes that I look at her. I wish her knew that I thought of her when it was about to end. When I had a single possibility of thought, in what could be the last moment of my life, I thought of her. She gave me strength. Perhaps love is not weakness. It is the greatest source of strength in this life.

Clarke's pov.  
I'm not yet realizing what happened, but I know I'm staring at Lexa. She is smiling, satisfied. I notice that her gaze goes beyond me, and when I turn around I don't notice anyone. Probably she's lost in thought, she too is upset by what happened. I give myself a few minutes to admire her like this, dressed as a fighter. It's really fearsome, born to fight. Born to win. She's probably the strongest person I've ever seen. Just looking at her now makes me feel safe. From birth, she was destined to become commander. And maybe, I was destined to meet her. I cannot understand the scenes that come to my mind, but one in particular remains impressed. "You were born for this, Clarke. Same as me" were her words. I have never felt closer to her than at this moment.

It's been a couple of hours since the fight, and I haven't been able to see Lexa yet. It is strange to even think of the quantity of emotions, memories and words that have crossed my mind. Just when I'm trying to understand something concrete, I hear a knock. It is incredible the feeling that my heart beats at the same time of the hand beyond the door.

Lexa's pov  
When Clarke opens the door, her eyes immediately meet mine. "It's an I told you?" she says before I can talk. "No, it's a thank you," I reply. God knows how much these words have meant to me. Without her, I would have died. She nods, and invites me to come in, offering to change my bandages. Look at my hand with anguish, and for a moment I remain surprised by that demonstration of tenderness towards me. Everyone sees me as Heda, no one ever shows feelings other than respect and fear for me. No one, until now. When we sit down and Clarke begins to change the bandage on my hand, she interrupts the silence by asking me about the future of Ontari. I reply that after my death she too will have the right to participate in the Conclave. It is then that she crosses my gaze smiling as she says "Do you ever talk about anything other than your death?" and I smile. As I watch her handle the bandages and my hand, I notice she's surprised that I don't feel any pain when she squeezes. With the training that I have been following since I was a child, pain control is one of the basic concepts, but for her it may not be so. I would really like to know what her was studying on the Ark, and if among their topics of study there were also assumptions about a possible grounders life. I am surprised when I say to her: "Thank you for staying".

Clarke's pov  
Lexa is thanking me for staying with her. I was a bit surprised so I say that I did what was right for my people, and I notice that she looks down, looking disappointed. I decide to change the subject: "Your ambassadors have betrayed you, what will you do now?" and she answer with my own words from before. I look at her in the eyes again, and my eyes go down to her broken lip, making me remember our first kiss in the tent. I stop a moment before smiling at the memory, and I get up. "Reshop, Heda" I say hoping that she didn't notice my strange behavior. I don't think it's the case to stay and talk, since I remember memories with her in less opportune moments. When I look at her again, I realize that I have never seen she so quiet. She has loose hair, no braids, and does not wear a commander's robe. The bands and the bruises make her even more fragile, the exact opposite of the girl who before killed the queen with a spear.

Lexa's pov  
Clarke gave me good night in the grounders language, and I naturally wonder if it is a step backwards, because I had the illusion that she would only call me Lexa when we are alone. Maybe she did it to emphasize the strength I demonstrated today, I repeat myself. Then I get up and say, "Goodnight ambassador" and smiling again. When I'm about to leave I turn to look at her, and I notice that she smiled too.  
When I return to my room, I realize that I am already dressed to go to bed, and that I never thought of it at all before going to Clarke. No one has ever seen me like this, and I wonder if she realized it. Before falling asleep, I touch the bandage on my hand, and I can't hold back a smile. I feel so stupid that I force myself to close my eyes to sleep. But I already know that tonight my head and my heart will be somewhere else.

Clarke's pov  
I'm lying in bed, and in my mind I still have that swirl of memories with Lexa that doesn't let me sleep. Is it possible that just the thought of losing her forever has led me to this? I fall asleep looking at the candles in front of my bed, thinking back to her story a few nights before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	4. The direction of the heart

Lexa's Pov  
It's been hours since I got into bed, and I still couldn't sleep. Everyone would say it's for the adrenaline of combat, but I know perfectly well that it isn't. A few hours ago, I found myself facing death. Everything was about to end, I would have found peace and my spirit the new commander. The worst thing was that I had given up, I thought I had lost. Until my heart made sure that I turned off my head, forcing myself to listen to it. Clarke was in front of me, I was convinced I could even touch her. Her eyes met mine, and I saw my reflection in them. When I stood up again, I acted completely with my head somewhere else, as if my body knew for itself what to do. I kept seeing Clarke's eyes all the time, until I threw the spear to Nia. At that moment the immense blue disappeared, and I returned to reality. The most beautiful thing is that when I turned around, she and her light were really there looking at me. For the first time I felt like a stupid normal girl, because I wanted to run to her to hug her. At that moment, nothing mattered, nor the fact that I had won the challenge, nor the screams of my applauding people. Only she counted. She was my last thought on the verge of death, and the angel who convinced me to stay with her.  
I notice that outside the window the sky begins to clear, and I fear it is already dawn. A whole sleepless night, thinking of Clarke. I remember when I told her that a good leader always has to know when it's time to turn everything off and rest. She was agitated for her people, while I'm just too excited by her presence, and by the fact that when I'll leave this room soon, I'll find her there in front of me. During all these hours of reflection, I did nothing but play with the bandage wrapped around my hand. I understand that sleep will not come, so I get up and look out the window.  
I wish Clarke's room was in front of mine, so maybe I could see her sleeping a sometimes, without her noticing. But since when did I start having these thoughts? As an answer to this question, I leave my room and head to Clarke's. When I'm in front of the door, I realize what I've just done. If anyone saw me here, only God knows what would happen. The temptation to enter and see her sleeping, or to knock in the hope that she is awake is irrepressible. I place my hand on the door of her room, as if this gesture could shorten the distance between us. I sigh and walk back to my room.

Clarke's pov  
I see through the window the first light of dawn, and I realize that I haven't slept. In my head I probably relived every single moment I spent with Lexa, sometimes noticing particularities in her behaviors that I didn't know then. One of these dates back to the day when Mount Weather launched the missile at Tondc. Lexa had left her people to die there, and I had come back for my mother instead. But when the missile fell, causing devastation everywhere, my gaze was lost staring into space. Until when Lexa brought me back to reality, staring at me with those hypnotic green eyes. She was back for me, just for me.  
She had risked her life to check that I was safe. Although I had left her alone to save my mother, she had returned, and was there for me. I get up from the bed and look out the window, remembering when in Lexa's room we had started to look at the stars, and I saw them reflected in her green eyes. Stars in the forest.  
I approach the door, following the direction my heart indicates. I stop for a moment before touching the handle, because I hear footsteps. I go back to lie down on the bed, wondering who was out there.

About two hours later, I'm already dressed to go out. Today is the day I will return to Arkadia, yet I am far from happy.

Lexa's pov  
The hours after I returned to my room were very fast. Titus had knocked on my door, and in less than two hours I was ready to go out, with the commander's uniform and the hair gathered in the typical braids. Now I'm riding surrounded by some of my subjects, waiting for Clarke to arrive. Hearing footsteps I turn and see her approaching. I notice that she has dark circles, and I naturally wonder if she didn't sleep either. However, the dark of the dark circles makes the blue of his eyes stand out even more. As soon as she gets on her horse, we leave for Arkadia. The time has come for her to go back to her people.

Clarke's pov  
We are traveling to Arkadia, and Lexa and I are so far from everyone else to be able to talk without being heard. So far we have talked very little and I have done nothing but think about the reaction of my people when I return. Lexa interrupts the silence and seems to read my mind when she says: "Thinking about home?". And I show her my concerns. "You left a hero to your people, and you return one. The mountain slayer returns with the body of the Ice queen, you bring them justice" are her words. She's trying to reassure me. And she succeeded, her speech reassured me enough to answer her: "You bring them justice". She smiles and looks ahead, then turns to me and looking into my eyes she says: "We bring them peace". Those words are really important to me, Lexa did everything in her power to keep my people safe, and she managed to get peace among all the clans. I realize that I am smiling, unconsciously the way in which she pronounced that "We" pleasantly struck me.

Lexa's pov  
I realize I sayd that "We" a little too intensely, and I only hope that Clarke didn't notice. I see her smile, and I can't help myself to smile too. I wonder if this is not the last smile I will see of her. When she'll be at Arkadia, her people will be safe, and she seems to want nothing else. She'll probably forget me, and the idea of going back to Polis wouldn't float even in her fancy. Or worse, she may want to come back but they wouldn't let her. Absorbed in my thoughts, I realize that we are back in silence. I wish these last moments were different with her. No, instead, her presence is all I need. When I'll miss her, I could sneak into her room and remember her eyes, the stars that have been illuminating my existence for some time. I wonder if it will be enough or I'll go crazy.  
We keep walking, and I realize only now that our feet have touched each other all the time. I don't know if she didn't really notice it, or the contact didn't bother her. The second case gives me some hope, maybe she will come back.  
I hear "Heda" shouting and the sight before my eyes is terrible. Hundreds of my people's soldiers, shot dead. Those whom I had sent to protect the Skaikru, all dead. I get off my horse and run to a subject who is calling me. Clarke follows me. I find Indra on the ground, seriously injured. She says that Pike did all this while they slept, accompanied by some of his men. Bellamy saved her, so she could report a message: "Skaikru rejects the coalition. This is their land now, we can leave or we can die." I turn to Clarke, knowing that this time I will have to act accordingly to the massacre, and that she will not be able to stop me. Instinctively I order that the armies of all twelve clans be summoned, and that the people beyond the walls of Arkadia be exterminated. Clarke says to give her time to fix it and starts to walk away, but I order to stop her. When she turns around I read the wonder in her eyes. With a firm voice I tell her that I can't let her go, and I answer yes when she asks me if she is now my prisoner. I just hope the eyes haven't betrayed me. She amazes me again, and asks Indra for a radio that Kane gave her. I, who was still immobile, turned to the latter who was asking for my consent. I nod.

Clarke's pov  
We're in a tent, and while I try to stop Indra's bleeding, Lexa looks at us sideways, waiting for Kane. Since we have been here, she has done nothing but avoid my gaze. The tent is opened, and Octavia enters saying that Kane sent her to his place. When Lexa asks for explanations for the incident, she replies that Kane lost the election against Pike. I turn to look at Lexa and see that she is furious. This time they exceeded the limit. "Your people voted for this," she says with bitterness and anger in her voice. When I try to deny, Octavia makes my attempts in vain. She says that Bellamy is on Pike's side. Acting on instinct, I ask Lexa to let me go and talk to Arkadia, since Pike trusts him. "You can't just walk throughs the gates, Clarke. You've been living with their enemy, if it were me I'd kill you on the spot" she says, and I notice a lot of concern for me in her voice. After all that has happened, after the massacre my people have done against their people, she still worries about me. Octavia breaks the silence by saying that she knows how to let me in. When I turn to look at Lexa, I see the fragility in her eyes again. I realize only now that if nothing had happened and I was at Arkadia now, Iwould really miss Lexa so much. Our bond is really strong now, and I feel I can't do without it. When I leave the tent I turn one last time to look at her, hoping to meet her again. She looks at me, but says nothing.

Lexa's pov  
Many hours have passed since Clarke left. Too many hours, and all I did was walk back and forth in the tent, my mind in turmoil because of the thoughts of the commanders and Indra trying to convince me to start the war. Once I would not have hesitated, I remember that just wanting to destroy the mountain to avenge the deaths of our people made me satisfied. I liked the war somehow. "Blood must have blood" had become my lifestyle. But now, war is the last thing I want. It would mean killing those Clarke loves, and she wouldn't even look at me anymore. I hope she succeeds in persuading Bellamy, because otherwise I will have no other choice. The heart beats so fast in my chest that I wonder if it will come out sooner or later. What if they killed Clarke? Or if she had returned there to stay, and take sides against me? If, after all, she won my confidence to betray it like I did at Mount Weather? I'm too nervous. So when a subject of mine opens the curtain, I look at him furiously and I'm about to explode, except that he says, "Heda, she's back." I turn my back to the entrance to hide my raised expression. When I feel like someone is close to me, I turn around and see her. I am amazed at myself with the arrogant tone I use to tell her: "So tell us Clarke, how does this end? Have you come up with a way to save your people, yet again? ". I only realize now how angry I am with her people, and partly with her. If it weren't for her, Arkadia would already be under attack by now. "No, only you can do that", she replies. When I look at her, she goes on to say: "What happened here, it was an act of war, your army was here to help us, and my people slaughtered them. You have every right to respond. Every right to wipe us out. Or, you can change the way you do things".  
I look at her, completely taken aback. How can she expect me to change to save her people? She knows very well that this would again endanger the ambassadors' fealty to me. As I reflect, I realize that she is talking to Indra, saying: "...the only way that ends is with everyone dead". Then she turns to me and continues: "So, what kind of leader do you want to be? The kind who kills every change she gets because that's your way, or the kind who shows the world a better way?". It seems like she's asking to me if I want to act like I used to be, or how I am now after knowing her. "You consider letting a massacre go unavenged, a better way?" I ask, still with an arrogant voice. "If it ends this cycle of violence, yes. If it brings about peace, yes. Someone has to take the first step. Let it be you" she says, and I walk away a little to reflect, but seeing myself hesitating she takes advantage and continues: "You say you want peace, that everything you've done was to achieve that, yet here we stand, on the brink of another war. A war you could stop". I remember when she asked me the same thing, when she wanted me to spare Finn's life. I didn't know her enough then, and her opinion of me wasn't as important as it is now. "We are what we are," I told her. Now, in what we are I don't feel well anymore. If I destroyed Arkadia today, tomorrow I should do it with anyone else who rebels. At the end there would be no one left but anger, hatred and blood. In the end, I would have been like all the other commanders. I would have died, leaving a new war to fight for my successor. I turn to look at the ground to reflect. I'm avoiding Clarke's gaze because I know her eyes would convince me to agree with her. But now I have to act lucidly, only with my head. The commanders have never been so agitated, but I ignore them. I will take this decision alone. When Indra says, "Commander, you can't seriously be considering this" I realize I've already taken it.

Clarke's pov  
I believe it, I believe in Lexa. I know that whatever decision she makes will be the right one. I have put her in front of a choice. Save my people again and try to get true peace, or exterminate them completely and get a passing one. The first case would put her in danger again, the ambassadors would rebel, and I wonder if they would launch the challenge to her again. She should fight again, and I could lose her forever. The very thought of losing her had not made me sleep for an entire night and had caused me a hurricane of thoughts, memories and emotions concerning her. If I really lost her, I don't know what I could feel. Both decisions involve danger to someone I love. The first endangers Lexa. The second my people, including those I love. I'm not sure which one I prefer. After much silence, Lexa answers Indra's question. Here we are, the time has come. "I'm not considering it, I'm doing it" are the words she pronounces. Indra tries to argue, and she replies by saying: "Indra, our people act as war is easier than peace, if that'so, should we not try and achieve the most difficult goal?" Indra goes on to say that Polis and Titus will not accept it, and Lexa is furious: "Titus is my subject, they' re all my subjects. Do you say they will defy me? Will you defy me?" She shouts, and Indra replies that she won't. "Then let it be known", Lexa says, turning to me, and finally looking into my eyes. "Blood must not have blood". I don't know how I feel: happiness for my people, concern for Lexa. I am proud of her, she has endangered herself in order to reach peace. She would die to do it. But at the same time I miss the breath. I know she is strong and would win any challenge, but there is a chance that she will lose. Even the slightest chance of never seeing her again, of not being able to see myself in her eyes, of not being able to see the stars in them anymore, would kill me. Lexa would die just to get peace, and I would die just to help her to get it. I will always be by her side, and I will do whatever is necessary to protect her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	5. Between nightmares and smiles

Lexa's pov  
After the events of the last hours, my head is in total confusion. Since we returned to Polis, the commanders have panicked. I'm almost afraid of falling asleep, I don't know what nightmares I might have. Clarke was very serious all the way back, and we didn't get to talk much. Tomorrow will be the day of the ceremony of the deceased, in which the fire will finally conclude the fight of the fallen. Immediately after the ceremony, I will have to start making the revolutionary news public. Initially the "blood must not have blood" will be the subject of disorder and discontent, and that is why it is up to me to clarify the reason for this choice. I will go to every clan so that everyone can hear the idea of their future from me. As soon as I returned to Polis, I talked to Titus about it, and his reaction was even worse than I expected. He is afraid that this choice will put me in danger, and obviously he tried in every way to make me change my mind. When I made it clear to him that I would not do it, and that this was my decision he should have accepted, he proposed that I go to every clan by myself, to try to win everyone's consent.  
I haven't seen Clarke since I finished talking to Titus. I honestly don't understand the reasons for her concern, her people are practically safe. As I look out the window, I remember the previous night and decide that this time I will really knock on her door. When I open the one of my room, I find her in front of me. Seeing her so unexpectedly certainly does not help my attempts to show indifferent, in fact I simply remain in silence staring at her from head to foot. Then my conscience reminds me that I'm Lexa Kom Trikru, commander of the thirteen clans, and I manage to clear my throat and say, "Hi Clarke, what are you doing here?". I hope that the tone of my voice has not betrayed me.

Clarke's pov  
I don't even know why I came here to Lexa's room, but now that I've seen her I'm sure it wasn't a good idea. She practically stared at me from head to footh, maybe just because she was surprised to see me or maybe because she was going out to do something and I interrupted her. When she asked me why I was here she had a quiet voice, but she had something strange. Before I can answer her, she invites me to enter by moving to the side to let me pass and then she closes the door behind her. Here we are again, alone and with a thousand worries about the head. I notice Lexa approaching the window and opening it, so I instinctively follow her. She does not wear the commander's uniform, and has loose hair again. Seeing her so normal increases my anxiety for her even more. Her decision will have serious consequences, but I will not leave her alone to face them. I realize that my heart beat is accelerated, even if I can't understand why. We remain silent for about ten minutes looking at the horizon, the line where the dark sky of the night touches the trees. Here comes back to mind the idea of our united peoples. I slowly look up in search of stars but I realize that there are none tonight, we see only the first quarter of the moon, partially hidden by clouds. Then Lexa breaks the silence: "Tonight it seems that the stars have decided not to show themselves, strange how much the sky seems darker now isn't it?".  
I am surprised for the spontaneity with she asked that to me and for the umpteenth time I wonder who else could talk about topics that are not politics, war or training with her. "Yes, it almost seems wants to make us afraid. As a child I believed that when there were no stars it was because I had done something wrong, and I always talked about it with my father. It made me feel safe" I confess. She is now looking at me, with an understanding air. "Do you miss it?" She asks. "My father? Yes, very much" I reply. She nods, then adds: "Actually I was wondering if you miss feeling safe." I did not expect such a question, in reality I had never even thought about the answer. "For a long time I felt locked up on the Ark. lI was constantly under control, and forced to do what others wanted me to do. But since we came down here on Earth, there has not been a day when I felt really protected. Initially I liked the idea of being responsible for myself, but then I had to start thinking about others too, often putting myself in danger. Since I've been here in Polis, I've finally found some serenity. A little reminds me of the everyday life of a normal life, with the exception only of the fact that now things have changed, I have changed. I feel like a different person. Every single decision I made, I took it for the safe of my people. But everytime I made a mistake, I did it. Now I feel that I have to start thinking a little about myself, and what I really want". Lexa looks at the sky, then turns back to me. Her eyes seem the only thing that can illuminate the darkness of this night.

Lexa's pov  
Clarke's words surprised me, I didn't expect that for her to live here in Polis could be comparable to the serenity of simple everyday life. "What do you really want?" I ask to her. She turns, and remains silent, looking into my eyes, almost as if she were looking for something inside them. Then she looks back at the horizon and says "I have no idea. I just wish I could have time to deal with normal situations, not life or death. I would like to experience moments and emotions like ..." she stops and smiles, then continues:"... a little like now. We are here, without thinking of anything else. Maybe we should do it more often. The worries of the day should not deprive us of moments like this". She bursts out laughing, making fun of her own words, and at that moment I do it too. We spend minutes laughing spontaneously, sincere laughter. I don't even remember the last time I did it. When we interrupt, we continue to stare into each other's eyes and I spontaneously say to her: "Yes, maybe you're right. It would be much easier to face the days knowing that in the evening we can leave everything behind ". She nods, and only now I realize that probably from now on every night I will be able to see her again and laugh with her. At the very thought of it, I smile, and she noticed it because she says, "What are you thinking? It is strange to see you reflect and smile at the same time. To tell the truth it is also strange to see you smile so many times in a short time, if you weren't here with me I would think I'm dreaming". I smile again, if only because the idea of being the subject of her dreams had never even crossed my mind. Then I see that Clarke shudders and I realize that it has begun to pull wind, so I motion to her to go back inside. We sit on the bed talking about subjects of no importance, and the hours pass quickly. Between one speech and another we spent most of our time looking at each other's eyes. When Clarke yawns, we both laugh and decide it's time for her to go back to her room. Before leaving, she says: "Good night, Lexa. I really hope to spend more nights like this, really I can't wait now". I smile, and I reply: "Sure, do you remember every night? Goodnight, Clarke".  
When I'm alone in the room, I close my eyes and fall asleep immediately. Initially I dream of scenes similar to those just passed with Clarke, but then these are replaced by shouts, sword strokes and firearms and the noise of people falling to the ground. I wake up finding myself sitting in bed, completely covered in sweat.

Clarke's pov  
When I'm at bed, I realize that the anxiety is almost completely gone, and that it was really an eternity that I didn't spend moments like this night with Lexa. I fall asleep dreaming of dark skies, green stars and spontaneous laughter.

Lexa's pov  
Since I woke up from that nightmare, I didn't have the courage to close my eyes again and that's why I have dark circles again. The difference from the previous night is that the reason for my insomnia then made me happy and serene: I had not slept simply because I knew that reality would be better than any dream. Tonight's nightmare instead, comes back to my mind every second and gives me fear and anguish. There is no doubt that such a nightmare is the result of the commanders' disappointment in my head, and I wonder if this is due to my feelings for Clarke or the declaration of "blood must not have blood". However, I do not mean that nightmares affect either of the two situations: the emotions I feel with Clarke make me feel like a normal girl again, with a heart beating fast for something that is not a fight; the declaration of "blood must not have blood" is more than necessary, I have thought about it a lot and it is the only way to obtain true peace. I decide it's time to start the preparations to leave, today I will visit the first clan. It will be a very busy day and I have to be particularly persuasive for everyone to approve such a revolutionary idea. All I can do is promise them peace, the goal I will reach at any cost. However, in my mind there is the desire to get to tonight right away, so that I can finally see Clarke again, provided she hasn't regretted last night's promise. I hate the idea of not seeing her for the whole day, but it is necessary for me to leave alone so that the clans see my determination but do not feel threatened.  
With the commander's uniform and the hair gathered in the usual braids, I'm about to ride a horse when I hear someone shouting my name. Someone I thought I could only see again at the end of the day. When I turn around and see her I feel like I'm breathing fresh air for the first time today. And here it is again, my heart beating at the pace of her steps. She is close to me before I can get on the horse, and her eyes are even brighter in the morning light. If I don't hurry to leave, I could probably stay here all day looking at them. "What's happening Clarke?" I tell her. She looks around then answers: "Can I come with you today? It would be better if you didn't go alone, and what's more I could be in the crowd as you speak, as a representative of the thirteenth clan to support you". I never expected such a request, and I find myself in difficulty. How can I disappoint those eyes? But at the same time, how would people see the fact that nobody comes with me except Clarke? The answer flashes in my mind: Wanheda. She is still the commander of death, so her support would be an added advantage. She is looking at me questioningly, and I notice that she doesn't even have a hint of dark circles. She has an air finally rested and is even more beautiful than usual. "Okay Clarke, you can accompany me" I say, but seeing Titus and the others around me looking at me astonished I add: "Wanheda's support could be of greater impact" and I see that she has understood the reason for that clarification. I order another horse to be saddled, and shortly afterwards Clarke and I are on our way, alone.

Clarke's pov  
I didn't expect Lexa to accept so easily, but actually her idea of Wanheda makes sense, and it has prevented Titus and the others from opposing us. We ride in silence with a serious and concentrated air, until we are out Polis. As soon as we exit, we find ourselves in front of a forest and Lexa heads right into the path that leads throught it. "Did you sleep well tonight, Clarke?" she says, looking at me quietly. "Yes, I woke up just before going down to ask you to come, and it was so long since I slept so deeply. What about you?"I answer her. She nods and I notice her face darkens a bit and I assume she's lying. If she had wanted to talk about it, she would have done it, so I decide to pretend I didn't notice and I say, "Well then, even tonight to see the stars?". She finally smiles, and really there is no better thing to see in the morning. "This day will you have to spend it with me all the time, sure you don't want to get rid of me at least at night?" She says with a joking expression. Lexa, the blood commander, who jokes? It's really too much to realize. I burst out laughing and almost fell off the horse, but something grabbed me just before I found myself with my face in the mud. When I look up, I see that it's Lexa holding me by the arm with a worried look. "Clarke are you okay? Are you hurt?" She asks with much more anxiety than is necessary. "No, I'm okay, thanks to you" I reply and I see that she brightens up a bit. It is not the first time that I notice her concern for me, it is as if she want to protect me from anything and she is afraid of not succeeding. lTo calm her, I smile at her, and when I turn to the landscape that surrounds us, I remain speechless. We are among the branches of the trees, the only thing that breaks the silence is the rustling of the leaves shaken by the wind and... the splash of water? Yes, we are right in front of a stream. "Lexa here... is this really a torrent? Since we came down to Earth I had seen only one, and it was not comparable to this" I say without thinking, and she who smiles watching the water flow nods. There is something even more beautiful than the green of the trees, the flow of water and the silence that surrounds us. There is something that is not part of nature, something that goes beyond every measure of beauty in this world. The sun's rays that seep through the trees are illuminating Lexa's smiling face. Her eyes are bright green, they look like emeralds. Inside I can see the reflection of blue water, and it is a spectacular vision to say the least. Furthermore, she is opening them up, almost as if she was afraid to miss the vision of such a show. She has a slight smile on her face, and a small curve forms on her nose that makes her absolutely perfect. She is the real show and probably her expression in seeing the creek is the same one I have now while I'm looking at her. "Can we take a bath?" I try to ask. She smiles, but says: "We should arrive in just over an hour and we're not even halfway there," and as she does, she looks at me as if she's afraid of disappointing me. "You're right, sorry I hadn't thought of that" I tell her and she smiles resigned, then adds: "Maybe one day, when there will be no more problems and situations to solve, we could spend the whole day here". While she says it, I see she has an absent gaze, as if she were imagining the scene. I smile at the idea, I smile at the thought of seeing her rubs her eyes after rising to the surface, I smile at the vision of intense green that I will find myself in front of when she opens them again. "Yes, soon we will do it, it will be beautiful" I say. She smiles, and says to get back on the road.

Lexa's pov  
Clarke was so happy when she saw the stream that I really wanted to agree with her. Having to say no was very difficult, but I couldn't do otherwise. The idea that one day, however, she and I can spend an entire day here smiling and joking with a mind free of all thoughts makes me accelerate my heart rate even more. I imagine the blue of her eyes as she merges with that of water, I could lose myself in it.  
After passing the stream, we continued on the path for about an hour talking and smiling, and time flew. When we are in front of the central collection square of the clan we go down by horse and in a short time we are surrounded by the whole population of the place. Everyone beckons in respect, and I notice that Clarke does the same. I hate the idea that she should look like inferior to my authority as a commander. I raise my head and everyone looks at me, so I start talking. "We have come together today to announce the important change you will be faced with. From the beginning, our ultimate goal has always been to achieve peace. Not a temporary peace, but a future where it will be possible to live without worries, fights and executions. The future that each of us has always dreamed of has never been so close. Soon our world will be reigned by peace, and each of you will be able to live his life as he has always wanted. Your children can grow and train, but with the hope of never having to fight a new war. It is in order to achieve this that we must start now to change our way of acting, so far we have done nothing but respond to violence with just as much violence. But continuing along this path, we will always find ourselves facing a new struggle to fight, and at the end we will have lost thousands of people including brave soldiers and all those we care about. All this for what? The cycle of revenge will never end. This is why from today, no other violence will respond to violence. If it's the peace we want in our future, it's the peace we need to create now. From now it will be known that blood must not have blood ". During the speech the most absolute silence reigned, and only now after having finished with the final announcement in many begin to speak first among themselves, then turned towards me. Clarke, who has been listening to me all the time, intervenes, repeating my concept and adding: "Each of you has people who loves, just as each of you lives for a specific reason. But how many of you have lost loved ones because of the violence? Is this really how you intend to continue living? Continuing along this road, soon we will all die. What sense would all your efforts have made, and all the losses you suffered?" I am surprised by the firmness with which Clarke utters these words, and I notice that everyone is silent now. We convinced them, we succeeded together.

Clarke's pov  
I didn't expect my voice to sound so authoritarian, but actually my speech was successful. I managed to support Lexa, and everyone seems convinced about her decision. When we pass through the crowd to get away, everyone bowed again in front of her as a sign of respect and loyalty. I'm glad they did it, and they're really lucky to have a commander like her. Lexa is special.  
While we're coming back, she thanks me for supporting her during the assembly. She seems so happy that her idea has been approved, and I can't help but be. I am also much quieter, because all this time I feared for her, for her safety. "We will bring them peace, do you remember?" I say and she nods, smiling. "Together we will be able to convince all the clans, we will soon reach true peace" she adds. I nod, confirming and adding "Together". She looks at me with a serious air, and we stay that way for a few minutes. Soon we are back to Polis.

Lexa's pov  
Upon returning to Polis, Clarke went to her room and I went to the throne room with Titus. I explained to him what happened, and that the assembly worked. I didn't forget Clarke's speech, without which probably not everyone would have been convinced. He nods and answers with a: "Well, tomorrow will be the next clan and you will have to be even more convincing. This is a step that no other commander before you has made Heda, pay attention". I look up, nodding, then I leave the room. When I arrive in my room, in my heart there is nothing but emotion for the upcoming moments I will spend with Clarke. While I'm waiting for her arrival, I undo my braids and get ready to sleep. All day Clarke was in the company of the commander, and now she can finally be in the company of another Lexa, the girl who completely destroyed the shield that she had wrapped around her own heart, since she met her. Proof of this is the fact that when I hear a knock, I am already at the door with my heart a thousand. Before turning it, I see the reflection of my eyes on the handle. They came back from the intense green they had when I was a child but they have something more. The glow that I had only seen before in those of my mother and the girl beyond the door, is now also in mine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	6. Remember I will be there with you

Clarke's pov  
After knocking, I hear footsteps approaching beyond the door, but it does not open. I feel Lexa's presence a few inches from me, and I don't understand why she hasn't opened yet. When I'm about to knock again, the door opens and she appears in front of me. Tonight someone must have blessed me, because she is already smiling and I have not even spoken. We spend a few minutes like this, looking at ourselves with stupid smiles printed on our faces and with eyes that shine like never before.

Lexa's pov  
It's been minutes since I opened the door and I haven't let Clarke in yet. I feel a smile on my face and I can't hold it, I'm too happy. I would like to stay here and watch her for hours, she is the only reason why my eyes started to shine like her own, the only reason I am still alive and the only reason why I really want to continue living. By now I can no longer deny it, her presence makes me feel good. It makes me feel an emptiness in the center of the sternum that seems to emit happiness and euphoria without ever stopping. Damn, she's the reason for everything. I can't stop myself from continuing to smile, she is looking at me as I look at her and is smiling back for no reason. If someone saw us he would think we ate hallucinogenic berries or something, because we seem to be anything but ordinary people with the destinies of their people on their shoulders. Yet I feel light, as if I could fly from one moment to another. I have no intention of interrupting this moment, and in fact it is Clarke who does this by continuing to smile and saying: "Lexa ... can I enter or this evening have you decided to stay out here and watch at each other all the time? Not that I mind, but I have the impression that Titus wouldn't be very happy to see this scene." The commander who is in me seems to come back only for a second, when I say to her: "Oh yes Clarke enter, I'm sorry I was lost in thought", but disappears again when I realize that my fixed thought was none other than her.  
I close the door behind Clarke, and I follow her, seeing that she heads back to the window. "I wanted to thank you again for today Clarke, your help was crucial", I tell her when I am inches from her. When she turns towards me, she is nodding and smiling at the same time and her beauty displaces me as if I saw her again for the first time. I even smile and look at her, it's as if I couldn't look away from her eyes, as if something had paralyzed me. And the fact that she's doing the same, gives me the assurance that my eyes are shining like hers.

Clarke's pov  
I can't understand what the glow of Lexa's eyes looks like right now, but anyway I get the impression that if I keep looking at it maybe I can have a bit of it myself. It is incredible the effect that too deep eyes can have, it seems that they are digging into me, that they are coming to the impurity of my soul and are cleaning it. I feel almost embarrassed as if I were completely naked. Yet it is a pleasant feeling, between Lexa and me words aren't needed now. We could spend every night looking into each other's eyes like now and we would probably say the same things without speaking. No one had ever been able to make me so vulnerable just by looking. I'm afraid that she can really read inside myself and find that dark side of me that she has never seen before, so I turn to the reflection of the stars on the window glass clearing my voice to divert attention from that moment. "I'm sorry," she then says, moving away and going to sit on the floor, her back against the bed. "What are you apologizing for?" I say without thinking, approaching her and lowering myself, so as to have my eyes at the same level as hers.  
She breaks eye contact by shaking her head and looking down. Then she looks back at me and almost whispered: "Clarke, did you notice that we were almost an hour staring at each other without saying anything? First on the door, then by the window. What is it that leads you to do it? Tell me, because I don't understand it. I don't understand why even I couldn't make the contrary, I don't understand why with you it's so different. With everyone there is always need of a thousand words, always wrong and that never completely describe what we feel, and instead ... instead with you eyes are enough. You probably already know a lot about me more than anyone else knows, and I didn't even need to tell you. What is this? What does it mean? It makes me feel vulnerable, and vulnerability is a weakness. I hate feeling that way, I hate the fact that I don't mind this feeling". Before I can answer, too long moments pass in which she stares at me with shining eyes looking for an explanation that I myself never found. "I have no idea. It simply happens, and I can't stop it. It also makes me feel embarrassed, it's like you can read inside me. I'm afraid that sooner or later you can find that side of me that makes me the maker of what I did at Mont Weather and I'm afraid you can get away for it, just like I still do with myself sometimes".  
She who had lowered her gaze, turns abruptly towards me when I utter the last sentence, then closes her eyes, sighing deeply. "How can such an idea even go through your head? There's nothing dark in you Clarke and if there were, I'd probably like that too. Everything I can read in your eyes cannot be described in words, I believe that they are emotions. Embarrassment and vulnerability surely, but at the same time joy, serenity, hope... in short, every kind of positive emotion that exists, without something that has caused it. It is as if it were just that light in your eyes that created those emotions for me, and that is why I believe that before meeting you I had never experienced anything like it", she says, almost shouting, pointing to an outburst. After having reflected for a while on her words, I reply: "Wait, what light are you talking about? It is exactly the same expression I use to describe your eyes. They are illuminated by an intense glow, full of emotions that I can't explain myself. I don't know where it comes from, I only know that I always hoped to have just a little bit of it in mine too, and I never even imagined that you could really see it in mine". Lexa pulls her hair away from her face and puts it behind her ears, and this gesture makes her look like a normal girl that for a moment I even forget that she is the commander.

Lexa's pov  
I explained everything to Clarke, I even talked to her about that light, which was initially the only reason that brought me closer to her. The fact that she sees it in my eyes has completely destabilized me. I feel I could even cry. Obviously I won't do it, but for years I no longer even had the feeling of the tears that are about to come out, so much so that I'd almost forgotten it. Because she doesn't notice my shining eyes, I change the subject. "Clarke, tomorrow I'll have to visit more united clans, and I don't think you can accompany me again. Many still want the power of Wanheda, and I fear that someone might try to hurt you. Let me go tomorrow alone, the next time you will come with me, when I will have to visit a single clan" I say with very little firmness. She seems to understand, and nods. Then she smiles and jokes: "Do you worry about the Commander of Death, seriously?" and we both burst out laughing. I'm glad she didn't insist, because tomorrow's meeting could be dangerous for me too, since I'm completely alone and unarmed.  
I see her get up and I do the same. "Then I better go, tomorrow will be an important day for you. Goodnight, Lexa" she says then, and I answer her with a "Goodnight Clarke, see you tomorrow night". She nods smiling and walks toward the door. A moment before opening it she turns and says: "Wait a second, the last time I was in Arkadia I took some radios, why don't we use them tomorrow? At least you won't have to face the journey completely alone, and I could reach you if you would need it." I look at her in surprise, then I reply: "Yes, it's a good idea, we could talk during the trip. Don't worry, I won't be in danger anyway and I won't need you to join me". When she looks up and leaves the room, I already start to miss her.  
A few seconds later, she returns with a black device in her hand. I have no idea how to use it, but I prefer not to let her see it. When I reach out to take it and I touch her hand, I unwittingly shudder.

Clarke's pov  
I'm really glad that Lexa accepted the idea, so I can be with her from here too. Before leaving again from her room I gave her good night, and she does the same, adding a "I'll wait for you tomorrow morning for the radio good morning". I smile and I answer yes of course, then I close the door behind me. As soon as I returned to the room I lay down on the bed, holding the radio in my hand. I fall asleep in this position and dream of blue-green rays of light and hands that shudder as they touch each other.

Lexa's pov  
As soon as Clarke leaves the room, I lie down on the bed, with the strange device in my hand. Keeping it makes me feel closer to her. I try to understand something by starting to press a few keys, but then I stop when I realize that she might hear me on the other radio. When I fall asleep, I dream of riding with the radio fixed on the commander's belt, but instead of Clarke's voice I hear screams of terror and strangled breaths. I wake up with a start and instinctively press all the keys I find and say the only word that can reassure me: "Clarke?" I repeat it several times hoping that she will answer and at the fifth attempt I hear her voice: "Lexa, but what ... are you okay? Do you want me to come there?" And I immediately reply with a: "No quiet Clarke it's all okay, are you okay?" and she says yes in a worried voice. "I'm sorry, I had a strange dream and I was afraid that something had happened, good night", I tell her. She immediately replies: "Don't worry, it happens to me too." I'm fine, don't worry. Goodnight Lexa, see you tomorrow". I fall asleep again, continuing to hear the echo of this last sentence.  
In the morning I'm ready and out of the room very early, with Clarke's radio hidden under my belt. When I hear Titus claiming that my horse is ready, I turn to Clarke's room one last time and note with disappointment that she is probably not yet awake. I leave with only the hope of hearing her voice from that pile of black wires.  
When I'm out of Polis and I'm about to head back into the forest of the day before, I hear transmission noises. Immediately I grab the radio and close it to my face, ready to respond. "Lexa, where are you? Have you already left? "Good morning, however, I woke up just now", says Clarke sleepily. I still imagine her in bed with the radio in her hand and I wonder if she didn't keep it all night. I reply by saying: "Good morning Clarke and yes I have already left, I almost arrived at the stream of yesterday" and her voice returns saying: "I would like to see it too, when you get there, try to describe it to me". I press all the keys together as usual and instead of answering in words I smile, almost as if she could see me.

Clarke's pov  
I heard the sound of leaves, but no words. I hope Lexa wasn't disappointed that I woke up just now. I decided that to pass the time I will start drawing the stream we saw together yesterday, which is the reason I asked her to describe it, to represent it as she likes. Since the radio does not emit any sound, I get up and settle down a bit. When I'm about to take a sheet in my hand, I hear Lexa's surprised voice saying: "Here I am, Clarke, I've arrived. Here everything is very similar to yesterday, the rippling water reflecting the green of the leaves blowing in the wind. The only difference is that there is only the reflection of me and my horse, while yesterday we were together". I hear a note of sadness in her voice, as if she wanted me there with her, and in the meantime I start drawing what she described to me. We keep talking all the time, even if it's not the same as when we do it in person. It is exactly the opposite, as she said last night we never need many words to understand each other and instead now we must limit ourselves to those. As I continue to draw, I remember the reflection of the river in her eyes. There is no better inspiration for an artist.

Lexa's pov  
Clarke and I have been talking for hours, and her voice really helps me a lot, but when I walked past the stream I missed her even more, I wish I could see the reflection of the water in her eyes again. I could not help but notice that she often replied in an almost absent voice, as if she were engaged in something else. Before I can ask her anything about it, I find myself already at the point of arrival, and I have to say good-bye to her: "Clarke, I arrived, we feel as soon as I finish, okay?" She answers immediately: "Yes later, be convincing and everything will be fine. Remember that I will be there with you all the time" and at these words my heart starts beating wildly. Suddenly all the doubts about today's assembly disappear, and I'm sure everything will be fine. I look forward to pressing the radio buttons again.  
When I see that all the clans planned for today have gathered around me, I start talking. The words are more or less the same as yesterday, with the exception only of the addition of Clarke's and more firmness in the voice. Someone asks me questions, and I don't struggle to answer them proud of my decisions. When they all seem convinced, I start to walk away, and everyone bows to me as I pass. The memory of when I did it to swear fealty to Clarke comes to mind and when she did it during the ceremony of annexation of the thirteenth clan. All I did was think of her all the time, and the fact that as soon as I was far enough from everyone I pressed the keys and called her confirmed it.

Clarke's pov  
About two hours have passed since I said goodbye to Lexa and I have finish drawing from a while. Having no colors, I only used an old pencil, but I think she will like it anyway when she sees it. In the water of the lake I drew its reflection and, less trodden, also mine. It seems we are talking, and the radio I gave her comes from the belt of her uniform. She is spending too much time though, and I'm starting to be anxious. But then I hear the radio transmitting something even if I can't make out the words and I start to get nervous when I hear Lexa saying my name and nothing else. In an attempt to readjust it, I try to shake the radio, but it falls from my hands and falls. My heart went crazy, and I'm very worried about Lexa, everything could have happened during the assembly. Without thinking twice I leave the room and ask that a horse be saddled for me, inventing the first excuse that comes to mind.

Lexa's pov  
I heard a deafening noise and then nothing from the radio, and I'm terrified that something happened to Clarke. I should have allowed her to come with me, at least I would have protected her myself from anyone. I hasten to return to Polis, and the more the horse accelerates greater is the anxiety I feel. It seems like an eternity and I still can't see the end of the forest, I'm going crazy. I have never felt so much concern for anyone. When I pass in front of the stream I hear the noise of the hooves slamming on the ground, and I hide behind some trees because I am completely disarmed and I have no idea who it could be.

Clarke's pov  
I'm in the forest from minutes, and soon I will come to the stream that Lexa loves. I perceive the same excitement as when she was fighting against Roan, with the exception only the fact that I was then there with her who was also armed, while now she is alone and without any weapon. As soon as I see the stream I hear noises coming from behind the trees. Without thinking twice, I approach and move away the leaves.

Lexa's pov  
I hear footsteps approaching, and before I can even move away someone moves the leaves that kept me indoors and comes a few inches from me. Initially I struggle to focus on what I see because of the sunlight, but then I see a shape approaching and I feel arms tighten around my neck. The beat of my heart slows down, and I feel that my breathing is becoming less breathless. I return the hug and rest my head on the shoulder of the girl in front of me, seeing nothing but an immense blanket of blond hair. It's Clarke, and she's fine. After last night's nightmare I was terrified that something might happen to her, and the noises I heard from the radio had increased my anxiety even more. Now I hold her in my arms, and I feel like I can finally really protect her. For the first time I notice the particular scent of her hair.

Clarke's pov  
When I saw Lexa, I completely stopped thinking and followed my emotions. I ran to hug her, and nothing was more important than the fact that she was there in front of me safely. At first I was afraid that she would pull back, but when she returned the hug squeezing me to her I felt completely safe for the first time after a long time. I don't even remember the last time that hugging a person gave me so many emotions, maybe because it never happened. I would like to stay like this: away from the world and from everyone, forever. After endless beautiful minutes, Lexa interrupts the hug and looks at me with those beautiful green eyes that shine like never before. "Clarke... are you okay? I didn't... I heard a roar and then nothing, I was terrified that something had happened to you", she says, almost shouting. I answer her: "Me? I'm very fine! I heard you say my name several times, but the connection was disturbed and I didn't understand what you were saying. I started to shake the radio but it fell to the ground, and from there I heard nothing. I found an excuse to take a horse and I immediately ran here". She nods closing her eyes and sighing, and I notice that I'm doing the same. After a few seconds we get up and ride on the horses, both facing the crystal clear water of the stream. Along the way back we remain silent, and once we reach Polis we are both relieved to see that there is no one outside waiting for us. I go to my room trying to go unnoticed, and she goes to update Titus. As soon as I enter, I pick up the broken radio from the ground and lie down with one arm bent over my forehead. Is that really what you feel about caring for someone you love? I leave this question unanswered by going to open the door, because someone has knocked.

Lexa's pov  
I didn't think twice: just after finishing the talk with Titus I went to change me in my room, and now I'm here in front of Clarke's door waiting for her to open. Whatever feeling bind us, I'm sure I've never experienced anything like this before.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	7. The legendary commander

Lexa's pov  
I hear footsteps approaching, and after a few seconds Clarke opens the door. At first she seems a little surprised to see me, but then she smiles and moves to let me in. As soon as I'm inside the room, I notice the radio virtually destroyed on the bed. From the conditions in which I see it, I sense that Clarke must have been really upset when the radio fell frome her hand, but could it be because she feared something had happened to me? Well, the way she threw herself at me when she saw that I was fine, the gleam in her eyes when she looked at me and her heavy breathing confirmed it to me. I never doubted my feeling for her, but the fact that she could care for me just a little bit of what I care for her is enough to make my heart beat faster. I am still looking at the radio absentmindedly, when Clarke approaches me and starts talking almost as if she could read my mind: "Yes, when the radio started to malfunction and I only heard you calling me but nothing else that you were telling me, I got really upset. I tried to fix it somehow, but then I lost the patience and started shaking it and it fell... what I did after, you know it". She was agitated and rushed to my rescue without thinking. The fact that Titus didn't ask questions about her sudden departure leads me to think that he didn't give her the horse, he would never have done it. He believes that I feel something for her putting myself in danger, which is why he tolerates her only in my respect. It is fortunate that when we returned together there was no one waiting for my return because it would have been really strange and someone might have noticed that we were in contact via the radios, I imagine the expressions of Titus and Indra. I begin to talk to fill the silence after Clarke's confession: "I was upset too, I didn't hear anymore and I was sure something had happened, especially after the nightmare of tonight that I thought was a warning from the commanders, I thought they were me warning that something might happen to you".  
Clarke looks at me seriously saying: "Lexa, it was just a nightmare and what happened after a coincidence, do you really think the previous commanders could warn you about something like that?" "Yes Clarke, in my mind they help me, through their thoughts. Often the night, they are the cause of my dreams or my nightmares. This is why I feared the worst today, because I thought that the nightmare of tonight was their message" I reply. She looks at me, and strangely I see that she believes what I say. Then she tells me: "Did you worry about me then? It is not the first time I have known it, even when a few days ago I asked you to let me go to Arkadia, you tried to stop me as if I was going to the wolf's den". I look up to the sky because I don't want her to understand how much I worry about her, but then I naturally ask her: "The wolf's den?" Clarke we have not seen wolves here for decades". She laughs loudly, and for a moment I feel stupid, but then I smile with her. "Lexa, it's a metaphor, it come from Little Red Riding Hood and you know what I'm talking about? It's a fairy tale, the kind you read to children before they fall asleep. Have you ever heard of fairy tales? " she says.  
"Little Red Riding Hood? Never heard. You know here in Polis we Natblida don't listen fairy tales when we are small, but there is a legend that we all know, and in which we all believe" I explain. She immediately asks me: "What legend?" And initially I am undecided whether to talk about it or not, no one knows it outside of my people, but now it is also hers. I decide to please her and start telling her.  
"The legendary commander is the protagonist. It is told of a commander who differed from the others, he not only wanted peace, he did everything to have it. He would have risked his life just to get it without thinking twice. The people followed him, and although he sometimes had ideas that did not respect the wishes of the previous commanders, in the end he was always supported by his people. The most important part is that it is said that the legendary commander was able to come back to life. In fact, he has dedicated his whole life to his people, trying to achieve lasting peace. He lived entirely following this goal and trained from an early age for this. He often put himself below the needs of his people, if not always. That's why it is said that he was allowed to come back to life, so that he could live normally, even thinking a little about himself. It is said that once he came back to life, everyone would have realized it, without explanation. No one would have ever wanted or been able to oppose him. He would be the commander of the commanders. Each Natblida, trains in the hope of becoming the protagonist of this legend, precisely because if it is true, the legendary commander has not yet arrived, otherwise now we would not be constantly in war. When a commander manages to achieve true peace, then finally the truth will be known. So far, it remains just a legend", I conclude. All the while Clarke listened to me carefully, and now I notice that she has a concentrated and stunned expression at the same time. "Wow, it's certainly the best legend I've ever heard. I'm speechless, really great. When you came to the command, did you believe in it?" she asks me.  
"I still believe in it Clarke. It is the most logical explanation of why each commander puts the people above him. This is why we repeat that love is a weakness, because we must not have distractions. If we reach the true goal, we can have them in the next life, if there is one" I answer. I notice that she looks at me passionately, as if she were really a child to whom I am telling a story to make her sleep. One day I would really like to be able to see her sleep, to see her helpless and without thoughts on her mind, as serene as possible.

Clarke's pov  
I'm speechless after Lexa's story. In comparison, all the stories they told me about the ark when I was little, now they seem stupid. Throughout the story I looked at Lexa's eyes as she spoke, and they shone, they shone so much with their deep green. She seemed to be dreaming. I also have the impression that she never told this story to anyone before me, and I'm really happy about it. I notice that it's dark outside, and it's probably late at night again. With Lexa, time always passes so quickly. "Lexa is very late again I think you have to go, tomorrow will be another busy day for you" I tell her. She looks at me and smiles, then replies: "Tomorrow will certainly be a busy day, but not for what you think. Titus and Indra will go to some of the missing clans to make my words public, while I will be engaged in something else. Tomorrow you will see it, and you will be the first person to assist". I feel like a child because I am so happy that Lexa remains that I would hug her again, and also because I would like to start asking her a thousand questions about what I will see tomorrow, but I already know that she would not answer. So when she gets up and goes to the door, I accompany her saying: "Goodnight Lexa, see you tomorrow. I can't wait" and she responds with a "Goodnight Clarke" accompanied by one of her irresistible smiles.  
Before she leaves, I add without thinking: "I hope you have peaceful dreams tonight, in any case I am always here" and she turns to me with a serious expression and her eyes almost wide, as if she feels vulnerable because I am aware of the nightmare of last night. We stay for a few seconds staring at each other in the eyes of the other, then she smiles and leaves. When I go to bed, all I do is think about what happened today. I hugged her, I hugged the commander. She hugged me. It was our first contact, and I would still like to be in that hug. Unfortunately I know that it probably won't happen very soon, she is still Heda. I fall asleep thinking about her story.

Lexa's pov  
Upon returning to my room, I begin to make a speech to tell Titus that he and Indra will be leaving tomorrow. Before, when I decided to show Clarke the Natblida training, I hadn't thought that I hadn't said anything to them yet. When I have an idea of the words to use I go to bed. Before falling asleep I think of Clarke's smile when I asked her about wolves, and at her eyes when I told her the legend. I fall asleep wrapped in the scent of her hair.  
The next morning, I am awake very early. After getting ready I order that Titus and Indra join me outside my room. As soon as they arrive I start to announce: "Today I will be involved in the training of the novices, so you two will go to the planned clans. I only ask you not to carry weapons, and to be convincing. If they ask why I am absent, you can tell them the truth. Now go, start traveling". Indra tries to argue only about weapons, while Titus remains strangely silent. After a few moments both go down and leave. Finally alone, I go to knock on Clarke's door. When I hear a "forward" agitated, I realize that she is really anxious about what I promised to show her today. Since I didn't come in, she opens the door and I find her a few inches away. "Good morning, Lexa, when are we starting?" She tells me, and I can't help but smile. "We'll start at moments, today you will see the training of Natblida youth" I explain. The expression on her face is enough to explain how surprised and excited she is.

Clarke's pov  
I didn't expect anything like that, Lexa amazed me again. It's been down for a few minutes, and here are two guards waiting for me to be ready to accompany me to the training camp. When I leave my room, I am very agitated. As far as I know, no one has ever participated at the Natblida training, except for the commanders and Indra and Titus. I know I will have to show myself detached towards Lexa, and that I will have to call her "Heda" or "Commander", which I had not done for a long time. I only hope to be credible, and not to put her in trouble in front of her people.  
After leaving Polis and crossing some alley, we arrived in a field surrounded by trees. There are weapons of all kinds everywhere. In the distance I see Lexa surrounded by a group of guys. When we approach it, I realize that she is explaining them the techniques they will use today, and that I have never seen her as serious as now. All the guys show admiration towards her. I can't help but notice that she speaks more gently with them than when she turns to soldiers or ambassadors, almost as if she shows tenderness towards them. Seeing her surrounded by kids, and seeing the smiling expression she has as she addresses them fills my heart with emotion. A few minutes later, the clashes begin.

Lexa's pov  
Clarke is watching the workout and looks happy. I'm facing all the guys one by one, and nobody has managed to disarm me or hit me once. When Aden's turn comes, I can't stop smirking. The clash with him could be fun. Initially he does nothing but parry my shots without counterattacking, so I take advantage of it and manage to land him. As bold as he is, he manages to get up before I can hit him and starts to attack. I defend myself from all his shots easily, but probably just because he uses techniques that I taught him. Surely he would have already defeated any other soldier. We continue between swords and cries, and sometimes I notice Clarke behind us, who looks at us with admiration. Then suddenly Aden uses an advanced technique, which I didn't think he had already learned, and manages to hit me at the side. I stop immediately and notice that he looks at me with a frightened expression, as if he was afraid of my reaction. "Very well Aden, you had a great idea. Your technique gets better day by day" I tell him, and he looks at me with a satisfied air, under the eyes of the other novices.  
From the beginning I was sure he was different from others, and now everyone has finally noticed it. He is even stronger than me before my Conclave. After concluding with Aden I declare the training finished, because the evening has come. All the boys are escorted to Polis, and I remain in the field alone with Clarke and the two guards who accompanied her. "You can go, Wanheda will come back with me" I say, dismissing them. When we are alone, Clarke immediately starts talking: "I noticed that there is a special bond between you and the blond boy. The way you treat him, you are harder with him than all the others".  
"Aden is the most promising of them, which is why I train him harder. Despite this he still managed to hit me, his improvements continue to amaze me from time to time. He is better than me before my ascension", I reply. Clarke nods and adds: "You are different with them, you treat them like pupils, but I can see that you carefor them. With Aden then, it almost seems like you have a mother-child bond". I smile and say: "They are only boys, but they must be able to take my place from one moment to another. I'm very hard with them, but it's true that I care for them. In Aden I see myself a little before my Conclave, I see in him my values and my emotions of that time. Are you satisfied with the day today? She answers yes and adds: "When all this is over I'll find a way to train, and then you can fight with someone at your level". "At my level? Clarke right now even the weakest of novices would beat you, do you know? They have been training for years, and sometimes they put me in trouble too. You will have to train a lot" I challenge her. "You know that if I put it into my head I do it, so get ready for when I'm ready" she replies with a presumptuous air, but then she bursts out laughing and I do it with her.  
When we return to Polis, Titus and Indra have already returned. Clarke goes to her room, while the two of them follow me to the throne room, where they say that everything went well, and that there were no objections. I raise my head to dismiss them, and then I go to my room. When I take off my uniform, I notice a bruise where Aden struck me. That boy is stronger than I thought.

Clarke's pov  
I have been back for almost half an hour, and all I did was sit on the bed and think about today's day. Seeing Lexa fighting with those guys was one of the best shows I've ever seen. The way she addressed them: she was very hard yes, but she knew when it was time to loosen her grip. The bond she has with Aden then, she treats him like a son. Lexa is sure to drive everyone away, but she hasn't realized yet that she cares for more people than she thinks. For some reason, I'm one of those lucky few.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	8. Something better than the stars

Clarke's pov  
After a few minutes I get up and leave my room. When I'm about to knock on Lexa's door, it opens and she pops out with a smile on her lips. As always we spend the first few minutes of our meetings looking at each other, and studying each other's eyes, then Lexa beckons me to enter. When I'm inside the room, Lexa closes the door and goes to sit on the sofa while I follow her and sit in a nearby chair. After all the times I have been in her room I realize only now how big it is, because I never saw this part before. It is she who breaks the silence by saying: "So? Are you really sure you want to train after what you saw today?". I answer by challenging her, as she had done a few hours before: "Yes, of course, why do you think I couldn't do it?" Lexa smiles and looks up at the sky, then looks back at me and for a moment her expression becomes serious. I notice that she sighs and looks down, then starts to say: "No, I'm sure you're up to it. There is nothing known to me that you cannot do with the utmost willpower" and I am amazed by these words, but above all by the way she looked up and fixed me in the eyes while she said them. We spend minutes looking at each other, and I feel that something is different between us tonight. I would like to stay so endlessly, in the most serene happiness, but then the euphoria takes over and I ask her: "When will you train the young Natblida again? Can I come back and see you again? "And she smiles, again at the damn smile that I dream of every night. "What do you want to better study my fighting techniques so you will have an advantage when you challenge me one day?" I still have to get used to a Lexa so sincere and spontaneous. I say to her: "Actually I thought that when the right moment came, you would have been training me, so I would have known the techniques anyway" but she shakes her head. "No, the commander is not the main teacher in the novices' training path, he only goes to challenge them periodically to test that they are improving their techniques", she says then, and I a little disappointed, because I really wanted her to training me, it would certainly have been more fun. She probably noticed my expression because she adds jokingly: "Then tell me, would you be able to punch me or hurt me if I asked you?" And I burst out laughing answering her with a: "Sure, what do you expect?" Training is always training, in fact as soon as you start fighting with me you will soon find yourself in my room looking for medical care for as many as you will get". She accepts the challenge and says: "Ah it's so? I really want to see your face when you are on the ground and you will beg me not to ruin that pretty face of yours". "Mh we'll see" I add with an air a bit absent, because I noticed that she has just referred to me with a "pretty face" making me, indirectly, a compliment. I'm always more sure that this girl here with me is not the commander. 

Lexa's pov  
It's fun to talk like that, challenge each other and laugh about it, too bad we can only do it in the evening. I noticed that Clarke was saddened when I told her I couldn't train her every day. I also don't like this idea, because I really want to be her teacher, just to see her expressions as she concentrates. But above all, being an adult, another teacher would not have the slightest hesitation to fill her with bruises and wounds, and I would probably want to kill him, whoever he was. Somehow I will see that I can take care of her training by myself, perhaps in a quiet moment, if and when we finally find true peace. This evening my head is playing tricks on me, because I'm reminded of past scenes with Clarke, without my being able to stop them. Among these, that of our first kiss has the most effect on me all. I realize that I'm staring at her lips, so I decide to change position by lying on this sofa to chase away those thoughts. While I do this, I can't hold back a grimace of pain when to turn around I shift all my weight to the side where Aden hit me. Obviously Clarke noticed it, and immediately she gets up and approaches, with an alarmed expression. "I'm fine, quiet it's nothing" I hasten to tell her and she looks at me worried, but then starts again to make fun of me: "The blond boy knows how to do eh?" And I burst out laughing, then I answer her: "Yes he is good, but I can say I let him do it. You know sometimes to make a fighter do more you have to show him that he is stronger than he believes". Then I remember the fact that when Aden hits me, I lowered my guard to see what Clarke was doing, and I decide that it is certainly the case to omit this part. She concludes with a "Yes of course, of course it is" but she does it with a very ironic tone, which makes me want even more to train her myself. When she yawns I realize that it is already very late, probably in a little over an hour it will be the dawn, and we were the whole night talking, and laughing. "Clarke is almost dawn", I tell her, and she immediately turns to the window to confirm what I just told her, then gets up. Initially she comes close to me, as if looking for a kind of contact, then instead it says "Goodnight, Lexa" and moves away. I then reply: "Anyway, to answer your question before, for a few days I will be the one to train the Natblida, Titus and Indra will go to the clans left alone" and she turns with a smiling air. Seeing her happy makes me feel good. "Goodnight, Clarke" I say at the end, and walk her to the door. I wish she could stay a little longer with me.  
When I close the door behind her, I immediately go and lie down on the bed and fall asleep. I dream of myself in an arena, waiting for my challenger. When I hear the crowd cheer and I turn around, I notice a blonde-haired girl approaching, with a sword in her hand. The image becomes more and more distant, and I wake up with a smile on my lips.

Clarke's pov  
Back in my room, I don't have time to lie down that I fall asleep. I dream of a different Lexa, busy bandaging the wound that she caused me on the arm.

Lexa's pov  
In the following days, Clarke attended every Natblida training. Aden even managed to make me almost fall, and if it weren't for the fact that then Clarke would have made fun of me later, I wouldn't have had the will to remain standing. Titus and Indra have returned from the last clans with positive news, I finally have the certainty that everyone is aware of my decision, and that everyone respects it. Clarke came to my room every night, and we talked at length about her future training. We enjoyed every single moment spent together, and our bond was strengthened again. The worst thing though is that I start to miss her when she's not with me, and I'm afraid that sooner or later she has to go back to her people. I feel weak just thinking about staying away from her for more than half an hour, let alone losing her forever. Everything now depends on her. She's everywhere, I find her everywhere. I am afraid that the feeling towards her is becoming real love.

It is evening, and Clarke and I have recently returned after training with the Natblida. I'm in my room, and I hear a knock before I can get ready to sleep. When I open the door, obviously it is Clarke and I give myself a few seconds to look at her well. Her blonde hair, her lips and her little neo close, her nose up but with a slight curve, her blue eyes. I try to print every detail in my mind. Then I see my reflection in her eyes, and I get chills. I notice that while I was staring at her, she was doing exactly the same. I move to let her pass, and she enters mechanically, still staring into my eyes. We approach the window, and together we start looking at the stars. Their beauty no longer surprises me, because the girl who is close to me is part of them. Clarke is a star, the one who has long started to light up my life. My favourite. I look down at her, who is still looking at the stars. She looks at them with admiration, and with a slight smile on her lips. Her eyes reflect them. When she turns to me I immediately look back over the window, and I feel her gaze on me. Minutes pass before I turn to her, saying: "What do you say if we go out? We can admire them better, and if we speak in a whisper no one will hear us". She nods smiling, and we both lie on the balcony floor, with our arms behind our heads. I only remember now that I'm still in my commander's uniform, but right now it's not important. We spend hours like this, looking towards the darkness of the night. Alternatively we fix each other in the hope of not being seen. But then it happens that we turn around at the same time, and we find ourselves in each other's eyes. We both decided tonight that there is something better than the stars.

Clarke's pov  
I can't stop watching Lexa tonight. She is even more beautiful than the stars in the darkness of the night. We stared at each other for two hours, but I can't stop. My reflection in the intense green of her eyes is the most beautiful vision I have ever had of myself. It starts to pull wind, and she who still has the commander's uniform probably doesn't hear it, while I shudder. Lexa immediately notices me and gets up, taking me inside. She immediately goes to sit on the sofa, and I go to the nearby armchair. We start talking about the days we spent together, both happy that the tour in the clans ended successfully. We talk without counting the time that passes, one focused exclusively on the words of the other. The looks we exchange are full of emotion. Perhaps this is the best among the evenings we spent together, even if at times it is certainly the most silent. I would like to spend every single moment of my life like this, in silence, between the stars of the sky and the looks of Lexa. I note with tenderness that she is very tired, and sometimes she find hard to keep her eyes open. Despite this she shows no signs of sending me away to go to sleep, and obviously I don't leave. If life were made only of these moments, it would probably be better than paradise. I begin to talk looking at the ceiling with a voice full of emotion: "This night, it's the most beautiful we've ever spent together. It portrays us perfectly, we don't need words to feel good together and to understand each other. We just need to look into each other's eyes to understand what we are thinking, and what we are feeling. This is the most beautiful thing of our bond and it is unique, it happens only between me and her and I am sure of this. Before tonight, there was nothing I preferred to look at the stars, now instead seeing my reflection in your eyes, I think it's the best thing I've ever seen. You see in me something that nobody sees". Lexa hasn't spoken all the time, and I'm not sure she was watching me. Perhaps she also stared at the ceiling like me, because she is in my same emotional situation. So I decide to turn around, and I understand the reason for so much silence. She's sleeping, and she's beautiful. Even better than my reflection in her eyes. She looks so vulnerable, helpless. She has a serious but relaxed expression. It is not enough for me to engrave this memory in my mind, I have to make it real and there is only one way to do it. I take the pencil I always carry with me out of my pocket, and get up as quietly as possible in search of a sheet. When I find it I immediately return to sit in the armchair and start drawing. Without looking at the paper, the hand slides the pencil over the paper by itself, while I observe every single detail of Lexa. The legs slightly bent one on the other, the arms relaxed, the hands wrapped around a book that I had not even noticed before. The head is resting on the arm of the sofa, slightly tilted. Overall it is the most absolute perfection. In detail it is even more so. The hours pass, and it is morning when I am almost at the end of the drawing. Lexa didn't move at all. Her regular and relaxed breathing was the perfect background to concentrate on drawing her. I'm portraying her exactly as I see her, or rather as my heart sees her. Anyone who has said that it is impossible to portray feelings, was wrong in the most absurd way. You just have to let your hand move freely while watching the person you love.  
When I hear Lexa's breathing get heavier, I notice that she is stirring in her sleep.  
I look at her worriedly, until she wakes up gasping, and sits up. She starts looking around agitated, and I immediately go and sit next to her and place a hand on her leg as if to make her feel safe. She takes her head in her hands and continues breathing heavily. "Hey, hey it's okay, you're okay. What were you dreaming about?" I tell her. She replies still agitated: "The commanders before me. They speak to me in my sleep. I saw their deaths, at war, at the hands of an assassin". "It was just a nightmare" I try to reassure her, but she starts talking again: "No, no it's a warning. They think I'm betraying their legacy. "Jus drein jus daun" has always, always been the way of our people". I ask her to listen to me, and she does. "A ceasefire is not a betrayal. What you did on that battlefield stopped a war. Your legacy will be peace", I tell her. While I do this, she stares at my face and nods. Then she gets up and arrange the book in her hands, and stops when she notices something on my armchair. She lays the book, take my drawing in my hands, looking at it carefully. I get up and say, "Oh um, that's, uh... that's not finished yet" and she looks up at me. The way she looks at me, she never did it so intensely before. I look down with a smile, while she still looks at me with an expression full of emotion, probably that drawing means so much to her. We are interrupted by the noise of someone knocking on the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	9. This is not vengeance, it is justice

Lexa’s pov  
I look at the drawing, lost in a hurricane of thoughts and emotions. If they hadn't knocked on the door, I probably would have hugged Clarke. Or maybe not. No, I probably would have remained still there, staring alternately at the paper and her eyes. The nightmare I had no longer matters, I'd rather have worse of them every night just to have Clarke here with me forever. I can't believe I fell asleep while talking, the last thing I remember is that she stares at the ceiling and starts talking, but I don't even remember a word of what she said. I was too busy trying to understand my own emotions, because that night I really felt sensation and feelings I didn't know before. I wonder if Clarke slept, or if she stayed up all night to draw me back. Before I can find the answer to this question, I turn to the door and say: "Enter!" And it is Titus who comes in, followed by four men carrying a box. "Pardon me, Heda. I didn't realize you were busy”, he says immediately, noticing Clarke in my room. I have a strange feeling, as if the vision of Titus has brought me back to reality, the one in which I have hundreds of people to manage and as many decisions to make. But above all the one that keeps me away from Clarke. When I feel this sensation fading away, I realize that she has approached, and now her shoulder is almost in contact with mine. I want to go back to being alone with her, more than anything else right now. So I turn to Titus irritated: "Are you going to tell me what’s in the box or not?" and he immediately replies: "Forgive me, this is a gift from King Roan of Azgeda for Wanheda. The messenger said this is both proof of Azgeda's loyalty to the coalition, and an answer to a yet unanswered question, may I?” and he orders to open it, while Clarke comes forward. When it opens, I am dumbfounded when I see the contents. Clarke exclaims with amazement: "Emerson?" And he, completely covered in blood and with a gag in his mouth, throws himself on her and makes her fall. I hear her scream, and immediately I go towards her screaming: "Stop him! Get him out from here! Put him in a cage now!". I lower myself and try to help her to get up, certainly with too much care, but the fact that there are other people around us right now don't interest me at all. If Emerson hurt her, if she got hurt... I don't know what I'd do. She wriggles away from my grip, and approaches Emerson, who is meanwhile dragged away by the guards. As usual, Titus and I head straight to the throne room, where the representatives of the other clans are also present. We must decide for Emerson's fate, and given my decision on "blood must not have blood" I am already more than sure of the outcome of the meeting. However Titus tries to make me change my mind, according to him it is appropriate that the man pays for the crimes committed by the mountain. So I order to call Wanheda to reach us, while Titus continues: "You’re letting her cloud your judgment" he says, and I reply: "I, I thought you were with me, you swore loyalty to me". He goes on to say: "I am, you are too personally...", then he turns to see someone coming and adds a "Here she is" announcing Clarke. "You wanted to see me, Commander?" She says, and I say yes, approaching her. "We need to discuss the fate of the last Mountain man", I announce, knowing already that she will agree to save him. Titus intervenes saying: "I believe he deserves death", and I, irritated, turn to him and say: “She can speak for herself, Titus". I look back at Clarke, and notice a bad cut above her right eyebrow. I am amazed when she says: "Titus is right". I am speechless, and immediately Titus takes the opportunity to get closer and begins to say: "You see? It is human nature to need vengeance. Only once satiated, can there be peace. That is our way”. "That was our way", I shout angrily, then turn to Clarke. I feel betrayed by her decision, since it was she who proposed the idea against blood avenge. "Clarke" I start, and there is a moment of silence in which each stares at the eyes of the other. “So ‘blood must not have blood’ applies only when it is my people who bleed?" I continue, and she immediately answers: "That was about stopping a war, this is about finishing one!" And I tilt my head, shaken. “I'm sorry, but if you want my advice, I agree with Titus. He deserves to die for what he did" she concludes, irritating me even more. "I'm not looking for advice, I'm looking for a decision", I say coldly. Titus intervenes again saying to Clarke: "He was gifted to you, the crime he stands charged with is against your people". "So what will it be then, Clarke? Banishment from our lands forever, or death by 49 cuts from your hand? I ask her, knowing that she would not be able to inflict so much pain on a person. Or at least, hoping. The Clarke I knew would never be able to do it, but after Mount Weather Wanheda arrived, and I'm not sure I know her all the way. "You have till sundown to decide", I conclude, leaving her alone in the room with Titus.

Clarke’s pov  
I leave the room shortly after Lexa, to avoid having to talk to Titus. I go to my room and sit on the bed to reflect. She felt betrayed. Betrayed by my decision. It is true, I acted with instinct and for this reason I did not take into account the fact that it was I who led her to the new custom. My head is completely confused, and for this I head back to the throne room. When I enter, I ask to be left alone with Emerson. Lexa would probably be angry if she saw me now alone with him. Despite the fact that I disappointed her, she would worry about me. She always does it. I remove the hood from the man's head in front of me and I say with contempt: "Carl Emerson, Mount Weather Security Detail". He responds by saying with equal resentment: "I’ve heard what they call you now. Wanheda, commander of death"and I continue to say: "I should’ve know it was you who told them how to destroy the mountain". He replies: "I didn't destroy Mount Weather, you did. Three hundred and eighty-one people, one hundred and eighty-two men, one hundred and seventy-three women, twenty-six children, two of them were mine". He knows exactly how to hit me, and he succeeded in full. "Your president gave us no choice", I say defensively, and he screams and breathes heavily, then starts talking again: "What’s the matter? You don’t like to be faced with your demons?". "If you want mercy, you’re gonna have to ask me for it!" I exclaim, and he laughs. "I don't want mercy, I want revenge. I want you to suffer the same way that I’ve suffered", he says then, and I turn and leave. In the distance, I hear him shouting: "You can kill me Clarke, but you can never escape what you did! My pain ends today, yours has just begun!".  
Back in my room, I sigh towards the door when I notice someone. "Titus, what are you doing in my room?" I immediately ask in alarm. He says: "You spend so much time talking about peace, I think it's time we made peace with each other, don’t you?" and he doesn't convince me, he has a strange tone of voice. "All right" I say, and invite him to sit in the chair in front of me. He immediately starts talking: "I appreciate the predicament you are in, Clarke. I do. After convincing Lexa not to avenge the massacre of our army, it must be hard for you to choose to take your revenge. Perhaps now you realize how difficult this new policy will be for our people to accept". "This has nothing to do with what happened to your army, Emerson is guilty. Wiping out my people for the crimes of a few is not justice" I say, and he immediately replies: "Did you not wipe out his people for what few of them did to yours? You're a leader, Clarke. Lexa listens to you. Help me protect her. ‘Blood must not have blood’ is folly. Our people will not accept it and I fear... I fear it will get her killed”. All my fears are reality. I have to choose, choose between Lexa and my people. Listening only to the head, I say: "I can't help you do something that leads to war against my people". Titus stands up and says: "Then we are at an impasse", then he closes the door behind him. I wish I could run to Lexa and burst into tears in her arms, just like a child.

Lexa’s pov  
The time has come, the sun has set for a while. I haven't seen Clarke since this morning, and I'm worried about her, and the decision she'll take. She will put her people first again, I'm sure. The guards open the door, and I make my entrance accompanied by the sound of drums. While I walk, I stare at Emerson, who looks at me defiantly. When I reach the throne I raise a hand in the air, and the drums cease. I begin to speak in the grounders language: "We come together tonight, as we have countless time before, to watch a man die”. Then I take the knife out of my belt and give it to a guard, who takes it to Clarke while I say: "Wanheda, vengeance is yours". She approaches Emerson, and remains silent for a few moments. Then she amazes the whole room, including me, saying "No" and I'm relieved, it's still her. Murmurs spread, but she doesn't care and turns to Emerson: "I don't know if your death would bring me peace, I just know I don't deserve it". I hate to hear that she thinks this of herself. Titus intervenes again and approaches Clarke almost shouting: "This man must die, if skaikru will not take his life, then Heda will". I got tired of Titus' interferences. "Heda will speak for herself. Enough, Titus” I say. Meanwhile Emerson turns to Clarke and says: "What the hell is this?" and she replies: "I wouldn't be killing you for what you’ve done, I’d be killing you for what I’ve done". Then in the grounders language she continues: "I give this man his life. Blood must not have blood" and Emerson screams, while everyone starts talking to each other. Despite this, I am proud of Clarke's decision. Still in the grounders language, I intervene: "Silence! The crimes of the Mountain cannot be answered by one man!" And then I add: "Wanheda knows this". It is at times like this that my people need me, to be guided. So I begin my talk: "Her actions show us a promise for a new future. A world in which violence does not always answer violence. A world in which our children can flourish, without the shadow of death!". Silence reigns in the room, and finally everyone is convinced. I allow myself a moment, just a moment, to look at Clarke. She is doing the same, and nods, meeting my eyes. She too is proud of my words, as I am of hers. Today we worked as a team. "This prisoner is banished from my lands. He will live, but he will live with the ghosts of those he has lost. Haunted until the end of his days by the knowledge that he his the last of his kind", I conclude, with the final verdict. Clarke adds a: "May you live forever" addressing Emerson with her proud and satisfied look. She's gorgeous.  
Since it's almost night now, I go straight to my room. I get ready to sleep and lie down on the bed, destroyed after the day just ended. I am proud of Clarke, and I am happy that she did not think only of her people, but also of the good of the coalition, and mine. I would like to spend with her tonight too, but it is already late and it is not the case, given that tomorrow will be the Ascension Day and I must be prepared. I fall asleep peacefully, because any nightmare can torment my sleep, but when I wake up there will be my angel to bring me back to real life. The same life that is no longer just surviving. It is much more.

Clarke’s pov  
Tonight I will not see Lexa, and that is why, as soon as I arrive in the room, I prepare myself to sleep and go straight to bed. When I fall asleep, the terrible memories of Mount Weather torment my sleep. When these move away becoming blurred, they are replaced by a pair of huge green eyes, so deep that for a moment I fear I will never wake up and remain lost inside them.

Lexa’s pov  
It's early morning, and I'm ready for today's ceremony. When I hear a knock, I understand that it is time, and I am accompanied by four men to the throne room. As I head towards the throne, I catch a glimpse of Clarke's gaze and I struggle to contain a smile. One night without her and I already feel the need to talk to her. I sit on the throne and begin to speak: "We gather here on this Ascension day, to honor the commanders that came before me. Those who continue live on within me, as I will live on within one of you” I explain referring to the youngs Natblida. We are interrupted when the doors open, revealing some Trikru men, who announce that the guardian of the flame promised them that they would be heard. Immediately I turn to Titus: "Titus, what is this?" And he answers quietly: "Something you need to hear, Heda". The men come forward, and between them is Octavia, gagged and with her hands tied. Clarke immediately pronounces her name surprise. A man comes forward and kneels starting to speak in the grounders language: "Forgive me for intruding on this holy day, Heda. I am Semet, of Trikru, and I come seeking justice". I intervene while maintaining the dialect: “Explain yourself. Why do you hold Octavia of Skaikru prisoner?" and the man replies: "She is a prisoner of war, Heda. Brought here to bear witness to the crimes of her people". Clarke hastens to intervene: "What crimes? What happened?" and Titus immediately replies: "Skaikru attacked their village. Because their warriors were lost when your people massacred the army they had sent to protect you, their village was defenseless". I am irritated by the fact that Titus was aware of everything and didn't tell me before. The man starts talking again: "Please, Heda. I beg you. Avenge us". Rumors begin to spread, including "blood must have blood" and "death to Skaikru", so Titus intervenes asking for respect in the chamber. I'm on a rampage, He caused this mess today. "How dare you bring this to me on Ascension day?" I ask furiously. He defends himself: "I did not bring this here, Heda, you did. Against my advice you made Skaikru the thirteenth clan. They rejected this, murdering hundreds of your people! And yet on the very field where they died, you decided to forgive their killers. But this provocation is proof. ‘Blood must not have blood’ has failed! All that can stop this now is war". When he has finished speaking, I turn to Clarke but he interrupts me saying: "Clarke's opinion in this matter is not exactly unbiased" and Clarke confirms by saying: "Titus is right. I would do anything to save my people, you know that. But I know them, not everyone agrees with Chancellor Pike. Kane doesn’t, Octavia doesn’t..." but Titus interrupts her again shouting that his people did not vote for Kane. She shouts: "Some of them did! We need to give them time to see that they made the wrong choice and fix it”. "And you believe your people will take him out themselves?" I intervene, while Titus asks: "If they don't? If instead they use this time to plan their next attack? We must act now, Heda. Make an example of the thirteen clan. Show the others twelve what happens when they defy you! You got them back when you killed the ice queen, but the coalition is still fragile, if you don’t act now..." and I interrupt him raising my hand. "Today I call upon the armies of the twelve clans to march on Arkadia. Not to attack, but to contain. We will blockated the thirteenth clan, we will keep them from the lands they wish to possess. We will give them time to take out their leaders from within. Once they rise up against them, then we will welcome them back as one of us" I announce and I invite Titus to give the order. "You heard the commander. Send riders. Tell your armies to set up a buffer zone around Arkadia. Five miles should be enough to keep them away from our villages. What are their orders, Heda?" he says and I turn to Clarke, knowing that my next words will hurt her. "Any Skaikru caught across the line will be subject to a kill order" I announce. The man Trikru intervenes again: "Heda, I do not understand, how is this vengeance?" And I answer immediately, it's the question I was looking for. "It is not vengeance, my brother. It is justice". He continues shouting: "Skaikru killed my sons, and my brother, and my wife! If the spirit of the commander will not protect us, then what will?” And Titus interrupts him telling him to calm down. Then the panic breaks out, when the man shouts: "Death to the Commander!" and throws himself towards me. Titus blocks him by killing him, and adding: "Blood must have blood”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	10. Life is about more than just surviving

Clarke's pov  
I'm still shocked by what happened, when some guards accompany me and Octavia to my room. My heart went crazy in my chest when the grounder tried to throw himself on Lexa with the dagger in his hand. My hands are still shaking only when I think back to how close I was to losing her. It is now more than clear what I feel, even if I don't want to admit it to myself. I'm afraid of the feelings and the emotions I feel towards her, and I'm even more afraid of the fact that if I try to repress them I'm even worse. It is precisely for this reason that while I am discussing with Octavia, who still believes that Lexa is trying to exterminate our people, I remain speechless and unable to reply when she says: "Why am I not surprised that you're still defending her?". Immediately I try to show that I didn't realize that Octavia noticed the feelings I have towards Lexa, and I hurry out of the room, referring to her with a: "Stay here".  
When I'm in front of Lexa's door I enter without even knocking, and I find her sitting with her back against the bed, her legs crossed and her eyes closed. Immediately I try to shake myself from the thought of how absolutely perfect she is, and I interrupt her meditation saying: "Someone tried to kill you today, how are you this calm?". She opens her eyes and looks in front of her, then turns to me, asking: "You're angry about the kill order" and I say yes, knowing full well that if she hadn't given it, it would probably be today even a lot worse. She immediately continues talking, saying: "How else would you have me enforce a blockade?" and I avoid her question by asking her: "So when do we have to leave?". I see the sadness and the disappointment invading the bright green of her eyes.

Lexa's pov  
Clarke has to leave. I keep repeating it in my head so maybe I can accept it, but it's totally useless. I look down and stand up, but I know very well that she noticed the way I looked at her, and the way my heart stopped when I realized I should let her go. She can read my emotions very well. I turn to her and start talking without even thinking: "We may be drawing a line but, who's to say you can't choose to stay on this side of it?". I never felt more fragile and vulnerable, Clarke understood very well what I'm asking. In the distance we hear the voice of Titus speaking in the grounders language, and Clarke answers my question by saying: "Inknow someone who might" with an ironic tone. As much as I can feel every crack that is slowly growing in my heart, I try to enjoy what could be one of the last moments with her. I look into her eyes and smile, I smile thinking of how stupidly and madly I am in love with her. Because yes, I'm in love with her. And I'll probably never get to tell her. I feel my heart heal when she smiles back.  
Then Titus enters with guards, and immediately turns to Clarke, saying: "Wanheda, blockade goes into effect at dawn. I' ve made arrangements for you to take one of our fastest horses". She thanks him, and I immediately interrupt them by clarifying my intentions and announcing: "Actually, I've asked Clarke to stay in Polis as my guest". Clarke and Titus look at me, then he asks her to leave us alone and she leaves. Before the doors close behind her, I allow myself a few seconds to look at her again in every detail. She is so beautiful that I can hardly keep me from following her. I am alone in the room with Titus, and immediately I turn away with my back to him. He starts talking anyway: "On this sacred day, I beg you to remember my teachings" and I turn to him, knowing very well where he wants to go. "Love is weakness. To be commander, is to be alone" he adds, and I irritated answer to him by saying:" I will not hear this again" and I go over him. He continues, raising his tone: "Yes you will! Your feelings for Clarke put both of you in danger! Your kill order must be fully enforced. If you care for Clarke you will send her home, it is the only way she will be safe! Don't make her pay the price for your mistakes as Costia did". I turn suddenly towards him. I'm about to explode, and I start screaming: "My mistakes? Azgeda cut off Costia's head and delivered it to my bed! And I still I let them into my alleance! I'm more than capable of separating feelings from duty!". Titus knows that using Clarke's security as an excuse is a good way to make me think. He knows very well that hearing Costia's name would have hurt me. He knows very well how much I suffered, and how I struggled to open myself to a person again. So when he says: "I'm sorry Lexa, I didn't mean to offend you" I immediately cut him off aggressively and told him he did. But then I realize that he's just trying to keep me safe, so I add a: "But you also mean well, and I know that, Teacher". It was time I didn't call him like that. "May I make arrangements for Clarke's departure?" He then asks. I reply by concluding: "That's up to Clarke. I know where you stand, Titus". He sighs, then leaves the room. I am alone and I decide to sit on the bed. For a moment, I fall into discomfort and take my head in my hands. Titus is right, Clarke is in danger near me, and so I am. But how can I explain that if I walk away from her I would stop breathing? How can I send her away for her sake, when I know perfectly well that I would stop living? It is pure selfishness to want her to remain. This is why I leave it up to her, but I feel my heart screaming at the thought of having to say her goodbye.

Clarke's pov  
It is very early morning, and I am alone in my room, looking out the window. I want to stay. I want to stay here with Lexa. I am trying to convince myself that it would also be good for my people, but I know very well that it would not be. I am in front of a choice. Save my people, or staying with her. I try to listen to the head, but the heart intervenes by showing me the face of Lexa again. I see her smiling, and looking at me with those green eyes. Once I liked to imagine them like stars in the forest. Our peoples together. Me and her, together. Only now I realize how much time I have lost, and how many occasions to tell her that I love her I have wasted. Because yes, I love her with all myself. Maybe I should think of myself for once. Maybe I should run to her and scream my feelings at her, not thinking about everything else. But the door opens, and Octavia enters. Immediately we start discussing, she wants me to go with her to Arkadia and try to convince me in every way. She says they need me, and that I only have an hour to say hello to those I have to. Before I can answer her she goes away saying that if I don't go with her I'm not the person she believed. But I'm not listening to her. Before I know it, I'm knocking on Lexa's door.

Lexa's pov  
I didn't sleep for a second. I spent the whole night on the balcony looking at the stars, imagining Clarke beside me. I spent the whole night trying to find a reason for it. At the same time, I spent the whole night waiting for her to enter this room saying that she loves me too, and that she would stay with me. But no one has knocked. My heart stops when I hear someone knocking at this very moment, so I go to the door, and before I can say or do anything I find myself in front of Clarke.  
I read her expression and I understand that she chose to go. I feel that this time I won't be able to hold back the tears. I feel that this time I won't be able to get over it. "When do you leave?" I ask her, my voice already cracked. "Now" she answers approaching me. I repress the instinct to hug her and burst into tears in her arms because I'm not like this, even if at this moment nothing makes more sense. Right now, I don't even have the ability to think before speaking. "I'm sorry," says Clarke, and I feel that she too has a broken voice. She doesn't want to leave, but she is forced. "Don't be. You have to go back, they're your people" I try to make her understand that I understand her. Then I realize that this is really the moment of farewell. It could be the last time I see her. The last chance I have to show her how much I love her. So I start to say: "That's why I..." but I stop, and she looks at me intently in the eyes. I can't tell her. She understood it, I noticed it from her expression. But it wouldn't be useful to tell her, because we will always be too far away. I can't tell her because I'm afraid to open up like this, like I've never done before. Even though she knows me more than anyone else, I prefer not to tell her. So I smile, making fun of myself and my stupidity. "That's why you are you" I conclude, and she nods, looking disappointed. "Maybe someday you and I will owe nothing more to our people", she adds. I smile at her again and I tell her: "I hope so". She nods again, and a ray of sunshine continues to light up her eyes. Why is love never enough? I can't find an answer. We continue to look into each other's eyes. Then I put out my arm and she takes my forearm. "May we meet again" I conclude.  
We spend seconds staring at each other, when her gaze falls on my lips. Clarke approaches, and puts her hand behind my head. When she rests her lips on mine, I shudder. I put an hand on her arm, and we continue the kiss. I can't even understand what I'm feeling. I've been waiting for this moment for a long time. I needed this moment for a long time. I wanted it for a long time. Without me being able to stop it, a tear falls on my left cheek. Clarke stops for a moment and looks at me, then approaches again, starting to kiss me again. Initially it is a slow kiss, which expresses every feeling that one tries for the other. I feel her closer to me, and I feel that I need her by my side. A part of me, I don't know which and in what way, lives in her. I will never be complete without her. She stole a part of me, and I let her do it. Our souls have united to form a single one. Or perhaps a part of them has always lived in the body of the other. Perhaps we were destined to be together so that our souls could really fly. As the kiss deepens, and I feel the passion that comes into play when every inch of my body starts to burn. Probably Clarke feels the same, because she tries to cancel any distance and unties the knot of my shirt. Our breaths become more breathless, and she pushes me towards the bed, continuing to kiss me. There is a moment when I am sitting on the bed and she walks away from me a little to look at me. I still have tears in my eyes, and the way she's looking at me is just too much. The detachment is going to make me cry again. I need to have her close to me as before. That's why I just stare at her, I stare her eyes, and she does the same. Hers are also shiny.  
Then she finally comes back to me taking the kiss back. I approach her more and more with my hand, and we find ourselves lying on the bed. Passion takes over, and all our love comes out. While one follows the other's movements, I feel her heart resting on mine. For a moment it seems like they beat in unison. We continue to live what is the most beautiful moment of my life, until I lie down on one side and she stands behind me hugging me. I fall asleep in this position, in the arms of the person who gave me my life back. When I wake up, I feel her gently caressing my arm. "If Octavia and I are gonna get behind the blockade by dawn..." she begins to say, but I interrupt her with one: "shhhh" sleepy and happy. She smiles and looks down at my back. She runs a finger from my neck down onto my tattoo and says: "This is beautiful" as if she had wanted to say it for some time. "I got it on my Ascension Day. A circle for every Natblida that died, when the commander chose me" I say in a hoarse voice and opening my eyes, remembering that day. "Seven circles, I thought you said there were nine novitiates at your Conclave", she says then, and I reply with a: "There were" and with a thoughtful air. "What happened to number eight?" She then asks. I turn towards her, sighing, and returning to meet her gaze. "Can we talk about something else?" I ask her and she answers with a smile: "We don't have to talk at all". I smile, really this time. I approach her again, still smiling on her lips and I have never been so happy, excited and carefree in my life. I was already beginning to feel her absence and her detachment. We continue like this for a few minutes, smiling and kissing. Because each of us has been waiting for this moment for too long. We didn't need anything else. I am hers, and she is mine. Her every smile is mine too. My every smile is also hers. Also because she is the only one that can make me really smile. The only one I really love. I'd do anything for her. I started living for her when our eyes met for the first time.

Clarke's pov  
Despite being late, Lexa and I continue to kiss, interrupting ourselves only to smile. We can't do without it, we are both too happy. I've been waiting for this moment for too long. With her finally, I understood what it means to love. With her, I began to believe in the existence of soulmates.  
Once putting on my clothes, I go back to my room after leaving an hasty kiss on Lexa's nose. The memory of how she looked at me smiling and returned kissing me on the forehead keeps coming back to my mind and making me smile. It made me feel protected, safe. In my room, I find Murphy full of cuts and bruises, tied up in a chair. I immediately run towards him, when I see Titus. "He's alive," he says. When I ask him what he did to him, he replies that he was caught stealing. Murphy wakes up and I try to untie him, when Titus screams taking out a gun: "Please don't do that!" And I start to be afraid. "Titus, what is this about?" I ask him. "I'm sorry it had to come to this, Clarke. Truly I am" he starts to say and I interrupt him in a panic: "Look. I'm leaving right now. Octavia is waiting for me. Just let me take Murphy and we'll go". "Wish I could. Lexa will never execute her duty while you live" he adds. I try to convince him by saying: "Hey, Titus, think. She's gonna know it was you" and he replies: "She'll think it was him. Skaikru weapon in the hands of a Skaikru thief, she might even be angry enough to declare war!". Titus shoots, twice. I avoid the blows and I throw a chair towards him. I run towards the door while he tries to get up and shoot towards me. Meanwhile, Lexa has arrived, and is a few inches away from me. Before I can say or understand something, I hear her scream. "Lexa!" I scream with all the strength I have left. She gasps, then touches the wound on her belly that starts to lose blood. Titus drops the gun and shouts: "Heda!" while Lexa looks up at me. Time stands still. She looks at me with her mouth wide open in amazement and pain, and I look at her without words. My head is spinning and I start to feel a sharp pain in my chest. She falls, falls to the ground in my arms.  
"No, no!" I scream, and I ask Titus to help me get her to the bed, while she continues to pant and lose blood. "What have I done!" screams Titus, while I ask for something to stop the bleeding, in total panic and with the pain in my chest becoming stronger. Lexa keeps squirming on the bed, tries to hold back the pain, but she can't stand it. I feel like I'm dying inside. "You'll be okay, just lie still, okay? Lie still!" I try to reassure her, while the blood continues to come out too quickly. "Don't be afraid", she says with difficulty, her voice broken with pain. "You're gonna be fine, just stay still!" I shout again, as Titus arrives with the bandages. I tear off her shirt, and I miss the breath at the sight of all the blood she has lost. She is badly injured, and she is starting to breathe heavily. Titus meanwhile takes out something red containing a box and all sorts of surgical tools. I try to stop the wound, but still too much blood continues to come out. "She's losing too much blood!" I shout, then I turn to Lexa and look into her eyes, which are now full of fear and pain, and I tell her to stay with me. "What the hell is that?" I shout to Titus referring to the container. "Titus what are you doing?" I shout, as Lexa calls him. "I will fix you, just stay with me!" I order to her. Titus approaches her although I shout to him not to, and he takes her head in his hands and asks her to forgive him. She begins to speak in the grounders language: "You will never again attempt to harm Clarke. Swear it" and he does it. She nods and closes her eyes, with grimaces of pain on her face. "Then do your job. Serve the next as you have served me, Flamekeeper" continues Lexa, still in the grounders language. Then Titus walks away and I come back closer to her saying: "Hey, Heda. Don't you dare give up" and she responds, wincing: "I'm not. My spirit will live on". "No, I'm not letting you die!" I scream. "There's nothing you can do now. The next commander will protect you"she continues. I continue to look at her, to see how the pain consumes her slowly. I can't lose her. Not without dying with her.

Lexa's pov  
I no longer feel pain in my chest. I only feel an enormous emptiness, and piercing pangs in my heart. After all that happened, after all this time, was that really how it was supposed to go? Clarke is still silent after my words. She starts telling me looking into my eyes: "I don't want the next commander. I want you" and as she does so, I see she's crying. I don't want her to suffer. I just wanted to live with her forever, by her side. But at the end I will die for her, because she can live. But I don't want to leave her, I don't want to die. Not now. I could fall into despair, but it would only make her worse, and I can't stand it. I hear Titus saying he is ready and I nod. While he takes some of my blood and passes it over his head, I see Clarke watching shocked the scene so I call her. "I'm here" she says immediately. I look at her, destroyed for what I'm about to tell her. "Ai gonplei ste odon" I say, as I start to feel weaker and weaker. I see the pain in her eyes when she starts to say, "No, no I won't accept that" and she cries. I want to see them, I want to see for the last time her eyes that shine with that light that made me fall in love with her. Finally I find the way to tell her what I wanted to tell her for a long time. "You were right, Clarke. Life is about more than just surviving" I whisper with all the strength I have left. When I struggle more and more to breathe, she begins to say through tears: "In peace may you leave the shore. In love, may you find the next. Safe passage on your travels. Until our final journey on the ground. May we meet again" and I cry with her, even though I'm not sure the tears are coming out. I see everything more and more blurred. I need Clarke, I wish I could hug her now. And instead she approaches, and kisses me crying. For a moment I start to see more clearly, and the last thing I see are her blue eyes. I feel her scent, the taste of her lips. Then just peace.

Clarke's pov  
I see life slipping away from Lexa's body, and I can't do anything. "No" I cry, and I continue to cry. I close my eyes. Inside my chest, now there is a void. My head bursts out. I can not stop crying. I don't want to stop. Titus approaches me and I hear that he says he must complete the ritual and that the spirit of the commander must be handed down. I shake my head, continue to cry. I feel that a part of me will never come back. My life started when I met Lexa. Titus meanwhile continued to talk, but I only listened to the last words, in which he said that was what the commander wanted. Meanwhile, Murphy tries to take me away, but I shout "No" and I come back to Lexa. In the grounders language Titus says: "Your fight is over, Lexa of Trikru. The commander's fight goes on" and he turns Lexa on his side, while I ask him: "What are you doing?" and I always feel worse seeing Lexa in those conditions. Titus discovers a tattoo on Lexa's neck, and in the meantime I hear Murphy exclaiming: "The sacred symbol!". Titus takes a scalpel and brings it to a scar on the tattoo, and while I ask him what he is doing, he starts pressing on Lexa's neck. Initially only more black blood comes out, then a small object, full of filaments, starts to come out. When Titus takes it out, I recognize it's a chip. There is the same symbol that Lexa has tattooed on her neck. I say: "O my God", while Murphy states that it is an I.A. "Wrong, it's the spirit of the commander", Titus corrects him, placing it in the little box he had taken out earlier. Then he turns Lexa, and I see her perfect face again. Seems to be sleeping, if it weren't for the blood on her mouth and my tears mixed with hers on her cheeks. Titus lifts her and takes her away telling men in the grounders language: "Let the Conclave begin. The commander is dead". Then he adds: "May her spirit choose wisely" and leaves, leaving me and Murphy locked in the room. I look back at Lexa's bed, completely black with blood. I start to miss the air. My head is spinning and I feel like my heart has stopped. Memories come and cut like glass.

Lexa's pov  
The white begins to dissolve, and I find myself in my old room. When I get up, I notice that I have the commander's uniform, but it has something different. There are golden lines that outline the shapes, and on the waist belt there is an inscription in light golden cursive. Before I can read it, I hear sword strokes and I look out the window. There is a little girl who fights with a sword in her hand, against a man who parries all the blows and continues to give her advice and corrections. The man is my father. When she turns around, I recognize the girl's face. It's me. It was the evening when my father left, the last time I saw him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	11. A few moments for the memories

Lexa's pov  
I watch the scene through the window, and I feel the tears invade my eyes. I remember every moment of that evening: every single word of my father, every single teaching. I remember how I had avoided hitting him when I had the chance. I was just a little girl, I could never hurt him. I remember his last words before leaving: "May we meet again, Lex", and I remember the way he approached and put his lips on my forehead. I remember that I had felt them tremble. The sound of someone knocking on the door brings me back to reality. When I say "Enter" and I turn back to the window, the fighters are gone. "Lex" I hear say behind my back. That voice, I dreamed about it every night for a long time. I turn hesitantly, and remain speechless when I find myself in front of my father.  
"Dad? Are you... are you really here?" I find myself saying in a voice broken by emotion. Before he can answer, I run towards him and throw my arms around his neck. I embrace him as I had not done in the past before his departure. I embrace him, because I am afraid he may disappear again at any moment. After a few minutes of tears streaming down both of our faces, he walks away a little. "Hey, Lex, I'm so proud of you", he says, staring alternately at my eyes and my uniform. "Lex", only he used to call me like that. Hearing it again makes my heart leap. "Dad I..." I start to say, but he interrupts me, making me sign to sit on the bed next to him. "Lexa, what were you looking out the window?" He asks me. I start to say still excited and agitated: "I don't... I don't know, it was you and it was me, and we were fighting. It was the night you left. What's going on?". He puts his hand on my back before he starts talking again: "You knew you were stronger. You were in clear advantage, but you didn't hit me. Why?" and I am shocked by his words. I look into his eyes, then I look down hesitantly to speak. "I know, I know Lex. It's okay", he says, stroking my back. I missed my father's affection. "Things could have been different if you had hit me. You know? Maybe I would have stayed and someone else could have left for me, I could have stayed a little longer with you and your mother. While I was traveling, all I did was ask myself why you hadn't had the strength to hit me, but now it's clear. What you did, and the consequences that came out of it, now make sense. I'm so proud of you. You're... you're exactly what I hoped you to be", he adds, with a voice full of emotion. I, who had once again looked down to hold back my tears when I heard the first part of his speech, I find myself looking at his shining eyes again. Green, just like mine. Inside I see my reflection. Suddenly another memory makes its way into my mind, but it disappears immediately. The reflection of myself in a pair of beautiful blue eyes. I shudder. My father approaches me, and with one hand he puts my head on his shoulder. He always did it in the evening after each training. We spend the minutes like this, until he gets up saying: "I have to go, but I'll come back. I promise you. Allow yourself a few moments for the memories Lex, it is very important". I look at him questioningly, as he lowers himself to kiss my forehead and leaves, like that evening. But his lips didn't shake this time.

Clarke's pov  
I'm still locked up in the room with Murphy, when I hear the horn playing the beginning of the Conclave. I don't even stop to listen to him while he makes fun of the moment, and I head to the bed. The blankets are still dirty with black blood. Lexa's blood. Another pang makes its way into my chest, and I feel tears in my eyes again when I start knocking hard on the door. Murphy approaches me saying: "Hey, Clarke. I'm sorry, I know how much she meant to you", but I don't have the strength to talk about it, not now. I would collapse again and do the only thing that would come to me spontaneously right now: throwing me to the ground and crying. Shout, shout until I am voiceless. Better without a voice than a heartless one. My heart went away with her, this explains the emptiness I have inside. "This has nothing to do with me, we need to make sure that Aden wins" I say to Murphy, when the door opens and Titus enters. "What, you come here to finish the job?" Murphy asks him with a grudging tone. "No, I'm here to fulfil my vow to Lexa. Put these on" says Titus, giving us two coats. But I won't leave as he hopes. I ignore Murphy trying to convince me to leave Polis with him, and throw the coat in Titus' face. "You killed your commander. How are you still free?" I try to scream, but my voice is still broken by tears. "I'm the only Flamekeeper" he replies, and then asks us to leave, so as to pass unnoticed in the crowd gathered for the Conclave. "I need to see Aden first"I say in a firm voice. "That's out of the question. The Natblidas have begun the purification ritual" he replies. "Where?" I ask insisting, and he sighs and stands up waving us to follow him. When we enter in the throne room, I see all the young Natblidas gathered around a table, beside which Aden is standing. When we enter and everyone turns to us, I can see what's on the table. lA body, Lexa's body, covered with a white sheet and red dust. Around the body there are lighted candles. The head starts to spin again, and I start to miss the air. Titus bows and then goes to Aden. He puts his hand on his shoulder and turns to me in agreement, then he walks away. "I'm sorry to disturb you" ,I say to the boy before he interrupts me asking: "Would like a moment with her?". Of course I'd like it. I wish I could stay here all my life, to mourn her death. I wish I could tell her how much I love her, and how guilty I feel for not having told her before. But I know that now it wouldn't be the right thing to do. "No, I'm here to see you. You made me a promise to support my people" I reply, almost whispering. "If Heda's spirit chooses me" he adds. "Yes, will you still?" I ask. "We all will, Lexa made each of us vow it" he says. I feel the air that leaves my lungs again when I hear her name. Everyone present rises and falls their heads in front of me. She did it again. She did everything she could to make me and my people safe again. I can hardly hold back my tears and I turn to Aden. "We loved her" he says. Then someone comes from the door, and I see that they are Roan and Ontari of Azgeda. Ontari immediately tries to throw herself at me, and Aden tries in vain to stop her. Titus and Roan instead succeed, the latter using his position as King. "When I am Heda, and the King bows to me, you and every last member of Skaikru will die" announces Ontari, turning to me. Then she and Roan leave the room, and the ritual continue. I am escorted away before I can spend a few minutes alone with Lexa. When we are out, Murphy and I go to the sacred room of Titus to discuss about Ontari. "Ontari has the blood of the commanders, it is her birthright to compete for the Flame" he says, taking the chip in his hand and putting it back in the box. "Is she really in there?" I ask, only to find some relief in knowing that a part of her will always be alive and close to me. "Of course she is" Titus replies, and for the first time I hear understanding in his voice. "Why does it matter who wins? I mean listen to me, if your girlfriend really is in that thing then we have nothing to worry about, right? Look, let's just get out of here while we can!" says Murphy, when Titus interrupts him: "It matters. I've served four commanders like Flamekeeper. None of them half were as wise or strong as Lexa Kom Trikru. But the truth is she was all those things even before Ascension, the Flame deepens what's already there. If the spirit of the Commander should choose Ontari, the Ice Nation will control everything and Skaikru will face her wrath". I ignore Murphy who does not understand the seriousness of the moment, and I ask Titus: "So how do we make sure Aden wins? He was Lexa's choice, and you know that" and he replies that it will be her choice then. Then we hear a sound, and Titus shouts: "The horn of victory!" leaving the room. I and Murphy follow him to the throne room, where total chaos reigns. "What's going on?" I ask Roan who is next to me, but he shuts me up. On the throne Ontari shows Aden's severed head, and I immediately shout his name trying to step forward, but Roan stops me saying: "If she sees you, she'll have your head too". Murphy repeats again to escape, while I again fall into discomfort. It was Lexa's wish for Aden to be her successor. She was proud to have trained him. She treated him like her son, I still have her expressions in my mind while she looked at him and corrected him during his training. "I win" says Ontari, dropping the boy's head without respect. A tear on Titus's cheek. Everyone comes out of the room, and I run after Roan, telling him that Titus will never accept someone who has cut the head of children while they were sleeping, and that we have to talk to him. But Roan supports Ontari, because she is part of his people. He leads us to the escape tunnel. "I saved your life again. My debt to Lexa for sparing mine's now paid. Next time you see me, it won't be as friends" he concludes, leaving. "We are not leaving, are we?" says Murphy, seeing me hesitantly. "Not without the flame," I answer firmly. "Not without Lexa" I wanted to say, but the words got stuck before left. I bring Murphy, who continues to be against the idea, in the sacred room of Titus, in an attempt to take the chip without his knowledge. I begin to rummage in the room, until I hear Titus's voice behind me. "You killed her. I pulled the trigger, but it was you". I never wanted something like that, if I could, I would have given my life for Lexa's. "Titus, you made Lexa a promise, remember? I know you don't want Ontari to get the flame, she murdered those kids, children you raised! Lexa's spirit would never chose to do something like that!" I shout desperately, with all my strength. He says he must believe it, he must believe that Ontari is the chosen one. "Then put that damn thing in someone else!" I reply screaming, and he pushes me back and responds altered: "You, stupid girl! After all you witnessed here, you still believe it's just a superstition. When someone without the blood takes the Flame, the Flame takes their life!". I point out how stupid and mindless their idea of succession is, and that if black blood is so rare they should not let the Natblida kill each other, and he grabs me again by the shirt saying they honor the fallen of the Conclave. "Wait, the eighth circle! Lexa had markings on her back for every life she took at the Conclave. Seven circles. Only she told me there were eight novitiates in her class. What happened to number eight? There's another Natblida, isn't there?" I ask. "Yes, she fled. She's coward and a traitor to the blood. Lexa refused to let me hunt her down. She's unworthy of the Flame" he says when Murphy is thrown into the room. Titus tells me to hide. Ontari enters, and make fun of Lexa's death with Titus. I'd like to go out and scream at her, kill her. Lexa's spirit doesn't deserve to end up in her. I would never forgive myself. Now my job is to protect what's left of the woman I love, and I'll do it at the cost of my own life. Titus orders Murphy to bring Ontari into the Commander's rooms for the purification ritual, and when he replies she points a sword at her neck. The two leave the room, and I immediately go to Titus and thank him. "Even Luna would be better than her", he thinks aloud. "Did you just say Luna?" I ask him, explaining that she is a friend of Lincoln's. He asks me if I can find her and I nod, with finally a modicum of hope in my body amid the most absolute pain. When I tell him that I will take him to her, he replies that Luna would not let him approach. He turns to me, handing me the Flame and the whole Commander's kit. "I'll protect it with my life" I say looking into his eyes, and he adds: "There is a book inside. It's the journal of the first commander. When you find Luna, you'll need it to perform the Ascension ritual". Then he tells me to take an armor from the previous commanders and to go to the secret passage, where they are waiting for me. He adds that he will think of Murphy and that now my duty is towards the Flame. Before I can leave, he pronounces the word "Flamekeeper" referring to me. Tears invade my eyes again when I remember that word coming out of Lexa's lips, referring to him and losing strength. I go out and take a horse. The same one I had when I was in the woods with Lexa, when she had to go to the clans to get the word out about "blood must not have blood". I remember her words: "Maybe one day, when there will be no more problems and situations to solve, we could spend the whole day here". I remember her dreamy expression. But she will never have that day, nor will I. Destiny sometimes plays tricks, destroying people's lives and souls. I pass through the woods, and arrive at the point where I had woken up some time ago, when Lexa and I had just managed to escape from the Pauna. "It's okay. You're safe", she had said. And she did everything, everything to make sure I was. I couldn't do it with her, but she would have done it for me. She would have succeeded in everything. I hear the horn playing, and I see the red smoke coming out of Polis tower. A new commander has just ascended. I check the pocket in my jacket and make sure I still have the Flame. It's still there, something is happening that doesn't follow the patterns. I decide to concentrate on my work, and get back on the road.

Lexa's pov  
After my father left the room I lay down on the bed and tried to sleep, but I couldn't, and now I'm here staring at the ceiling. When I see the first light of dawn I decide to go out, but when I open the door I find myself in the throne room. A smaller me is talking to Titus, and is covered in black blood. "You won't chase her, she made her choice" she is saying. Luna, it was the day of my Ascension. I remember seeing her walking away in the crowd and fleeing through the woods. I prevented everyone from hurting her, because I knew she had made her choice. If she had won, she would have the Commander's charge on her shoulders. And if she didn't have the strength, then she'd done the best thing by leaving. "Why did you save her?" I hear my father's voice behind me. "Dad you... what are you doing here again? And how did I get there?" I ask. "Remember, Lex. I asked you why you spared Luna's life", he says seriously. "I knew what the Commander's position meant. I also knew that she did not feel strong enough to have to support her decisions. She made the best choice", I reply. "And why did you stay?" He then asks. "I was sure of what I was doing. As a child, I followed every training you and Anya proposed for a specific purpose. I was proud of what I had become, and now I am proud of what I did" I reply, staring forward. When I turn around, my father is gone.  
I leave the hall and find myself in a crowd. There is Finn dead tied to a pole, and Clarke is a few yards away from him, holding the bloody knife. Clarke. I run towards her, I need to hug her. I'm in front of her, but she doesn't look at me. I try to take her hand, but mine just passes through hers. The me of the past stops Indra and the warriors who was trying to kill her. I am here, to relive the past. I'm here next to Clarke, but she's not here with me. I feel a hand on my shoulder, and I see my father again. "You can't do anything Lex. You're not here" he says. "How is this possible? Dad, it's all in my mind now, isn't it?" I ask him. "Lex, you're here to review your choices. Those that made you become what you are now. Why did you let Clarke live? You knew very well that they wouldn't agree and would claim their revenge" he explains. "From the first time I met her I saw it, dad. The same light, the same one that shone in mom's eyes. She was different from everyone. She is different from everyone. She would do anything for her people, just like me. She had pushed herself against Indra's blade that day, only to show her determination. She does not have the blood of commanders but believe me, she was born to be that. That's why I fell in love with her, dad. Then more time passed, more I realized how similar we were. She taught me a lot, and I did the same with her. I started doing everything to protect her, because the world deserved someone like her. I deserved someone like her. She made me see things from another point of view. And I dad, I had done nothing but think about the Coalition until then. But it was right, we needed to find peace. And the "blood must not have blood" was the only way. Together, she and I would have gotten it" I say, realizing that my cheeks are streaked with tears. My father hugs me. "I miss her, dad. I will never see her again, she will go on. She must do it, it is right that she should do it. But I need her dad, more than anything else. The last memory I have is that she cries seeing me die. It destroys me that she is suffering. It destroys me that I can't stand beside her. But I'm suffering too dad, and nothing can make me feel better if not her presence" I whisper continuing to cry on his shoulder. I had never open myself like this to anyone. "I know Lex, I understand you. But keep looking for Lex. Find the memories, you will find a meaning to all this" he tells me, drying my tears. Then he turns and walks away. I walk again with my head in full confusion, and find myself back in my old room. I lie on the bed and start thinking. I feel nothing other than my thoughts. I don't have the Flame, and I don't have the minds of the other commanders in my head. I am alone with myself, and I only realize it now. I hear a knock on the door, and I'm not surprised when I see my father coming in. He immediately comes to sit on the bed next to me. "I'm here to reflect on my decisions, right dad? I have to do it just by following my head, am I right?" I ask him, and he sighs and starts talking: "Lexa, did you understand why you only saw those scenes? In those moments, the Flame did not act in your place. You managed to keep it detached from your mind, you managed to act following your will. You used your head, yes, but it wouldn't have been enough if you hadn't put your trust in something else". I look at him shocked, and he returns my gaze smiling. Then he raises one hand and points with one finger towards my chest. "The heart Lex. You used your heart. Nothing and nobody could have made you change your mind. You have chosen the perfect combination between head and heart. And I can't deny that someone helped you do it. Someone showed you the way to reopen your heart, and from there came the commander who is in you. The real Lexa came out" he concludes. All my questions are answered in one word that comes spontaneously from my lips: "Clarke".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	12. Our fight is not over

Lexa’s pov  
My father smiles when I say Clarke's name, then starts talking again: "I knew you would understand, and I'm really happy that you found someone like her. She trusts you Lex, and now she needs your help". I interrupt him before he can finish: "Does she need my help? Dad what's happening to Clarke?” I'm panicked, and he answers immediately: "As you know Lex, the Flame is a chip that blends with the brain of a Natblida, amplifying his capabilities and inclinations. When a commander ascends, the chip executes a map of his brain, which is why his successors will be able to communicate with him. For example, when you needed guidance, you took refuge in meditation, but you made your own decisions. Now, you need to know that the Flame is a second version of the original chip, known as A.L.I.E. and created by Becca herself. The original chip was the cause of the nuclear apocalypse that destroyed the world, as unable to understand human nature. The main purpose of the program was to improve human life, and this is how the City of Light was born, a virtual reality reached through the subconscious, after the ingestion of a key. After continuous updates, A.L.I.E. is now able to influence and control the free will of people, who are deprived of suffering, but at the same time of their memories. The chip has spread to the population of Arkadia, and has also affected Polis. Clarke and some of her friends managed to save themselves, and now they are trying to destroy A.L.I.E., but the only way to do it is that a Natblida in possession of the Flame ingests the key. There is no time for me to explain everything to you, but you should know that Clarke has used the Mount Weather treatment with Ontari's blood on herself, and she is now in the City of Light. She does not have much time, and as the minutes pass she is increasingly exposed and endangered. You have to go Lex, right away. Before the last update is completed, after A.L.I.E. will be indestructible. Go, and remember what I told you. Follow your head, but continue to listen your heart”. For the whole explanation I continued to imagine the situation in which Clarke finds herself, and I can't calm down. I have to help her now. My father puts his hand on my shoulder, then leaves the room. After a few seconds I follow him.

Buildings, roads, cars. It is the perfect description of the world before the Apocalypse, at least according to what I read from the books during the training. I start walking, without the slightest idea how to find Clarke. When I look up I see the sacred symbol on a wall ahead, so I decide to run in that direction. I continue to follow the symbols I find on the street, until I hear screams. Screams that destroy me inside. I run, I run as fast as I can. Then I see her in the distance, climbing stairs. She struggles to stand up, and two men surround her and begin to beat her. A.L.I.E. must be aware that Clarke is here. I keep running and I pull out the swords. When I'm close enough, I jump from the top step to deliver deadly blows to the two men. As soon as I'm back on the ground, I turn and see her. He's looking towards me. You can see me. "Lexa!" she tries to scream with the few remaining forces. I look at her and smile. I smile because she can see me. I smile because she's here with me. I smile, because I thought I would never see her again. I turn to a man who approaches, and I face him without difficulty. I do the same with all the others that come, my body moves independently. My head and my heart are with Clarke. When I kill the last one and see that no others are coming, I turn to her looking at me, unable to gets up and joins me. I put my swords behind my back and start running again. Clarke stretches an arm towards me and I beg that this time I can touch her. When I'm close enough, I take her arm and help her to get up. I'm here with her, she's here with me. Nothing else matters. She takes my face in her hands, as if to see if I'm really in front of her. I myself struggle to believe it. I stop to look at her, to star her eyes again. I hear her voice broken by emotion when she says "Oh my God!" and hugs me. This was my last wish. I hold her tightly to me, my heart pounding and my breathing heavy. We remain like this, both with our eyes closed, each in the only place she would like to be. We sigh at the same time, and finally I smell her perfume again. I didn't think I could miss every single thing of a person. I didn't think I could love this way before her. She's all I have, everything I need. I don't want to let her go. I hear people chasing us, and I move away from Clarke a little to meet her gaze. "Our fight is not over" I tell her, helping her to stand up. We start running and I support her, while she continues to scream in pain. She’s getting weaker. "Something's wrong, I can't!" She screams before falling into my arms. "Hey, hey, okay, okay" I try to calm her and take her face in my hands. She starts to say stammering: "I never thought I’d see you again" and I continue to caress her face and move her hair. I never thought I'd see her again too. "I told you my spirit would choose wisely" I say smiling. She continues to feel pain when it starts to get dark and it suddenly rains. "What is it?" Asks Clarke. "A.L.I.E. knows you're here, she's uploading the Flame from your mind, and your mind is changing things. Day turns to night, it rains. We have to hurry” I tell her, helping her to get up. She screams more and more and falls into my arms, losing consciousness, in convulsing. "Clarke!" I keep calling her, but she doesn't answer and seems to get worse. I don't know what to do, I wish I could take some of her pain to make her feel better. I can't see her that way. "Clarke come back, we need you!" I scream. Thunder is heard, and after endless minutes Clarke regains consciousness. "Ok, hey" I say, as she tries to get up. She stops on my face, and starts staring at me. I do the same, I lose myself looking at her eyes and her lips. We get closer and closer and she kisses me. The last feeling I felt before I died was the touch of her lips, and I thought it would never happen again. I shudder. I move away and move her hair away from her face, starting to talk to her: "Listen to me, now the upload has begun, A.L.I.E. ‘s people will be able to see us. We need to be more careful". "Why aren’t they here already?" she asks. "The Flame offers some protection but less and less, can you stand?" I ask her, with even more sweetness in the voice than I expected. She answers “yeah” and gets back on her feet. Then she looks at her wrist and says: "My father's watch, it’s working. It’s counting down! We have ten minutes to find that kill switch". I stop for a moment to look at her, trying to memorize every single detail of her face. Then we hear a bell, and we see a little girl on a bicycle. She has the sacred symbol printed on the jacket. "Thank you Becca" I whisper, then Clarke and I start chasing her. Clarke seems to have less trouble. We run to an alley, where we find the road blocked by a net. "Wait! We’re losing her!" Clarke shouts seeing at the girl, who is already too far away. "It's a firewall” while Clarke says she doesn't understand. Before I can answer her, we are interrupted by a voice. "You'll never get to the kill switch", the guy in front of us says as I take my swords. He keeps approaching us so I get ready to fight, but Clarke stops me. "Jasper, what are you doing here?" He then asks the boy. "I trying to stop you, you've seen the City of Light now, it's perfect. There is peace, happiness, safety. Why would you want to deny that to anyone?” he answers. "She’s torturing people to get them here Jasper, taking their memories, controlling them. This isn’t even you, this is A.L.I.E!”. Clarke tries to reason with him, and he continues: “She’s doing what has to be done”. "She take away our choice. Human beings have free will, we get to decide how we should live!” continues Clarke, but Jasper interrupts her saying: “Human beings are the only species that act against their own self-interest. We torture each other, we fight, hurt each other" then he turns to me and adds: "Break each other’s hearts". I want to scream in his face how Clarke has healed my heart, and how she managed to make it beat again just for her. "None of that exists here. A.L.I.E. is protecting us from ourselves” the boy continues to say, when I interrupt him saying: “Clarke there’s still time, we’ll find another sign, let's go". "We can't let you do that" adds Jasper, and a crowd begins to move closer. I recognize Jaha, who immediately starts talking: "Clarke, there’s nowhere to run, it's over. The second I.A. can no longer protect you". "If I remove the Flame, will it stop the update?" Clarke asks me. "Yes, but no one’s ever done that by choice before and regardless you’ll be one of them. A.L.I.E. will get the Flame either way" I explain. While Jasper says to stop fighting, I call Clarke and motion to her to turn towards the wall. In front of us appears a door with the image of a raven. "Raven" exclaims Clarke, while Jasper positions himself in front of the door to block the passage. "Jasper, get out of the way!" she shouts then, as I punch his face. Jaha gestures to his men to start fighting. "We can’t let them follow, go, I’ll hold them off!" I shout, going towards them. But something holds me back. One arm holds my uniform tight. "No, Lexa!" Clarke screams, and I turn to her, meeting her look. "I love you" she says all in one breath. I would like to hug her and hold her tight to me, taking her away from all this. I would like to stay with her forever, but we both know that this is the last time we'll see each other. No need to tell her how much I love her, because she already knows. So I tell her something I should have told her before: "I’ll always be with you" and I look at her in the eyes, smiling, showing her how much I love her and that really, I will never leave her. I appeal to all my will power by turning around and starting to fight. I scream, but I'm not sure whether for the fight or for the pain of having to leave Clarke again.

Clarke’s pov  
I look at Lexa for the last time, and force myself to enter the door. I finally told her, I told her how much I love her. I should have done it before, before losing her. There is no pain comparable to the fact of losing her again, for the second time. I find myself in a room with white walls, and I hear a woman's voice say behind me: "Commander, I’m glad you made it". When I turn around I recognize her and say: “You are Becca Pramheda" but she interrupts me saying: "Becca’s fine. There isn’t much time, the code is nearly updated". "Did you give me this?" I ask, showing her the watch. "No, you did. A.L.I.E. 2.0 has merged with your mind, but your mind is in control and only the mind that’s in control can operate the kill switch. This is it” she says, approaching a lever. Memories come back to haunt me. I with the lever of Mount Weather, Lexa who’s leaving. But things have changed, Lexa has been here with me until the last and is now fighting for me. But I will never see her again. I feel the tears invade my eyes and the emptiness make its way into my chest again. I grab the lever, but a voice behind me interrupts me. I turn around and see a woman in a red dress, who looks like Becca. I understand that she is A.L.I.E. and she immediately begins to say: "If you pull that you will be killing everyone, see for yourself. The nuclear power plants that weren’t destroyed by the bombs have begun to melt down. My drones detected the first of them four months ago, there are more than a dozen at-risk plants around the world. Seven currently burning. Global radiation levels are already rising. By my calculations, in less than six months 96% of the Earth's surface will be uninhabitable, even for those born in space. So you see, the City of Light is the only thing that can save you. Black rain will come first, there will be no drinkable water. Precancerous lesions will form on..." but Becca interrupts her. "She’s stalling, as soon as the update is complete, she’ll delete the kill switch" she says, and A.L.I.E. says she is telling the truth. I am in front of the lever, surrounded by the two that do nothing but confuse me more. Moreover, my head and my heart are with Lexa, wherever she is now. I hope for a better place than this. "Why tell us now? If it's true, why not use this to get people to take the chip instead of torturing them?” I ask A.L.I.E., who immediately replies: “The last time I warned my creator of a threat to human survival, she chose to lock me away and came here to work on my replacement". "Define perverse instantiation" says Becca. "Perverse instantiation, the implementation of a benign final goal through deleterious methods unforeseen by a human programmer" the other responds with a robotic attitude. "Like killing six and a half billion people to solve overpopulation. The goal isn’t everything A.L.I.E, how you reach the goal matters too. I'm sorry that I didn't teach you that" Becca explains. "It’s now or never Clarke, once A.L.I.E. is upgrated, I won't be able to help you anymore” she adds. "But I will, in the City of Light you will not have to bear the burden of decisions like this one, Clarke. You don’t have to live with the pain of the things that you’ve done anymore, the lives that you have taken and those you’ve lost. You will finally be at peace. You will live forever" continues the other. "I’ve tried running away from my pain, it doesn't work” I tell her. "Your people don’t agree Clarke, you heard Jasper. Even those who were coerced, would still choose to stay here” she says. "Give them a real choice, and I won’t pull this lever. Give them back their pain, their memories, let them decide for themselves" I begin to ask, but Becca interrupts me saying: “She can’t, her core command is to make life better for mankind, she still thinks she’s doing that. Twenty seconds and the kill switch will be gone". "Would you really condemn the human race to die in six months?" continues A.L.I.E., but I made my decision. The same decision that Lexa would take: to fight. "We'll figure something out, we always do" I say. "Yes Clarke, there is still hope" adds Becca, while the other says otherwise. Ten seconds left. "Let me ease their pain, Clarke. We can save the human race together” she tries desperately to convince me and I answer her: "You don’t ease pain, you overcome it". "And we will" I say turning to Becca, and then pulling the lever.

I wake up sitting on Lexa’s throne. I hear people screaming and crying, and my mother saying I succeeded. I succeded in nothing instead. I lost Lexa for the second time, forever. The world will end in six months and she will not be here to help me resolve the situation. I ignore Murphy, who asks for help while making Ontari's heart beat manually, to keep her blood flowing in my body. "We need to remove the Flame” I say, and then I pronounce the phrase. My mother takes it out of my neck, and I scream out in pain. I thank Murphy for keeping me alive, and he replies that it is nothing but a day like many others on Earth, then he goes to Emori who is crying. I order my mother to do the same with Kane, telling her that I'm fine. But I'm not fine. I'll never be fine without Lexa. At least now the last memory I have of her is her smile. My thoughts are interrupted by Bellamy who approaches and helps me to get up. "A.L.I.E.’s gone” I say, then I look down. "Clarke, you’re not acting like someone who just saved the world" he notes. "Because we didn't, not yet" I inform him, and there is despair on his face. We are interrupted by the cry of Pike, who has just been stabbed by Octavia. As everyone looks at her, she leaves the room.

Lexa’s pov  
I fight of A.L.I.E.’s people one by one, but all of a sudden everyone disappears. I stand alone in the alley, stained with blood on my face and hands. I approach the door where Clarke entered. I had to say goodbye to her again, and it hurt even more than the first time. The pain will never end, she and I can never be together. Not in this life, not in this world. The girl who fell from the sky and the one who commanded on Earth. Her blue eyes, my green. It was too good to last. I will remain like this, with my heart shattered, but aware of what it means to love a person. What I feel for her is something even greater than love. It is enough for me to continue to have this feeling forever. I push the white door and step through it, finding myself back in my old room. My father is already on the bed.

Clarke’s pov  
After Octavia, me and Bellamy left the tower, and now we're in the central square discussing about her. People scream, cry. Everyone is suffering. Given the situation, we decide to keep what A.L.I.E. said for us, at least until we know how to deal with it. I thank Bellamy for keeping me alive while I was in the City of Light, then I run towards a screaming woman. She is holding a man's body in her hands. "He didn't fall" notes Bellamy, who came close to me. "He chased me in the City of Light, Lexa killed him" I explained to him, and a pang in my heart came back to destroy me inside. Grounders start talking to each other, blaming me and the Skaikru for the chip. Pain on pain, it will never end. I keep walking followed by Bellamy, until we meet my mother and Kane again. We tell them that the grounders do not accept our help, and that we will treat our people to Arkadia, while from the radio we hear Raven's voice. I thank her for helping me, and she is relieved when we tell her that we are all well. When I try to ask her if she knows anything about why A.L.I.E. created the City of Light, she answers no. Before I can add anything we hear someone shout, and we all run in the direction of the voice, while Bellamy goes to update her. We find Roan lying on the ground and in very serious conditions. "He got shot trying to help me, I thought he was dead" I explain to my mother, while she replies: "Not yet, but he’s close. No exit wound, we need to get the bullet out quickly”. We are interrupted by Echo, who points a sword at my neck ordering me to get away from their King. "You are making a mistake, we are part of the coalition" says Kane, while my mother asks that she be allowed to save Roan. Echo orders to bring the King with the other dead, while Bellamy intervenes by telling her to let me go. "Your King is my friend, let us help him" I say, as she adds: "I saw you in the City of Light, I know you destroyed it. Thank you for that” and she lets me go. Then she starts screaming: "Look around you, Skaikru did this to us! Because of them Ontari, your rightful Commander, is dead. This imposter stole her Flame" but Kane interrupts her saying: “No, Wanheda saved us, all of us! Grounder and Skaikru". "There would have been nothing to save us from if not for you" concludes Echo. Kane replies that Azgeda has no authority, while she announces that Polis is under the control of the Ice Nation. An ambassador comes forward saying that Polis will be under the control of the Coalition ambassadors, and Echo cuts her throat, leaving everyone speechless. "No Skaikru leaves this city. For Azgeda!” she scream, and everyone cheers her.

Lexa’s pov  
I sit next to my father, who immediately says: "You did it Lex" smiling. I look at him, and a tear lines my right cheek. Before I know it I'm hugging him. "I lost her dad, again, this time forever" I start to say, but he interrupts me by gently moving away. "No Lex" he whispers, and I look at him questioningly. He asks me: "Do you remember the legend I used to tell you when you were a child? That of the Legendary Commander?” and I am increasingly confused. "The Commander who makes his own decisions, who manages to separate his mind from those of the previous commanders. He who listens to his heart, and would give his life for his people. The Commander who brought true peace, losing his life to obtain it, is allowed to come back to life. He is allowed to return to his people to guide them, and carry on his ideal of peace. He is allowed to return to live the life that was taken away from him, and to allow himself time for his own person, something that he had not had the opportunity to do in his previous life. The Commander of the commanders, no one would want or dare to oppose it. He is the legend himself, the one in whom all place their hopes. You yourself, when you started training, did it with the ambition to become him” he explains. "Dad, what would you like to say with this now?" the question comes spontaneously from my lips. He points to the writing in golden cursive on my armor, and for the first time I can read it. "Our fight is not over" I say out loud. "These are the same words I said to Clarke when we were in the City of Light" I add. "Exactly Lex, you finally understand that. You have something to fight for. ou have to keep doing what you had in mind before you died. Your struggle is not over, just like your people’s is not, and Clarke's. Fight for them, fight for her. You are the legend Lex, the City of Light was the last test. You are the legend you listened to as a child. All the legends are true. And the legends never die, Lex” he says, with tears in his eyes. I'm speechless. "Are you saying that I can come back?" I ask, and he replies that it is my choice. I smile, and this time the tears fall for happiness. When he stands up, I take a moment to look around, then look back at the faint golden cursive of the inscription. I smile again and get up too, hugging my father. "Go Lex, I know you'll make the right choice. Remember: think with your head but listen to your heart, always. Never be afraid, you were born for this. I'm proud of you, and so would be your mother. I'll always be with you Lex, I promise you” he whispers in my ear. "Always stay by my side dad, I need you" I whisper in turn. He walks away a little and nods, then approaches and leaves me a kiss on the forehead. This time I am the first to open the door, and before closing it, I look at my father for the last time. His eyes are full of pride.

After closing the door behind me, I find myself in front of the stream that Clarke and I met some time ago. I kneel to touch the water, and it's real. I'm really on Earth. Without thinking about it, I start running towards Polis and after about half an hour I can see the entrance. I can not believe it. I keep walking, noticing that the road is deserted. Then I hear a voice shouting "For Azgeda!" and I run towards the central square. No one has noticed me yet. The moment has come. I make my way through the crowd and reach the center of the square. "Enough!" I shout, and that's when I see her. Clarke is staring at me, her eyes and mouth wide open and her face wet with tears. I smile at her, barely managing to stop myself from crying with her. All those present bow down to me. "Our fight is not over" I shout, and everyone cheers. In the crowd, there is someone who is making room to move on. In the confusion I feel arms around my neck. I hold Clarke tight against my chest, and I feel the emptiness disappear with every breath. I feel my heart heal as it beats in unison with hers. I draw close to her ear, whispering: "I love you too Clarke" and her sobs get louder as I hold her closer to me. "I'm here now, and I'll stay with you. Until the end, forever" I add, still whispering, as she walks away a little to meet my gaze. Again, I feel her blue eyes digging into me, down to my soul. To our soul, after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	13. Two stars that shine nearby

Clarke’s pov  
I feel her hands touching me and her scent invade my lungs. I stare at her, staring into her eyes. Again my reflection in that magnetic green. Tears continue to streak my cheeks as Lexa continues to caress my cheek, moving a strand of hair from my face behind my ear. Is she really here with me? I put my hand on her, on my face. At the touch I shiver again. She really is here, and she just told me she loves me and that she will stay with me forever. It had been a long time since I felt so safe. A thousand of thoughts and questions are spinning in my head, but nothing matters. Lexa is here, and I'm with her. We're together, that's all that matters. When she dries a tear under my left eye and stands up I realize that we are in the central square, with some people watching us and others crying. No one asked anything about Lexa's return, everyone just bowed down in front of her. Suddenly everyone is calmer, and everyone has no eyes if not for her. When she turns to look at me, I get up beside her too. "I am aware of everything that has happened, but it is good that you know that now it's finally over. The City of Light has been destroyed, Wanheda has the merit. Many of you are not aware of it, but she has put her life at risk to save you. She managed to defeat A.L.I.E., and having been in possession of the Flame myself before she used it, I was able to help her. But it was she who saved us, without her at this point you would still be all stuck in the City of Light. Now that each of you has the situation clear, it is important that you know that nothing has changed, and that the Coalition is still in force. In the next few hours the ceremony for the fallen will be held here, in the meantime I ask the ambassadors of the thirteen clans to gather their own people, and begin to proceed by intervening with the necessary medical care" she explains, while everyone listens in silence.  
When we remain alone in the square I remember that I have to explain to her what A.L.I.E. told me, so I approach her until our eyes meet again. Noticing my expression, her expression is even more serious. "Lexa, there's a reason why the City of Light was created. Nuclear power plants still active around the world are starting to melt, causing the level of solar radiation on Earth to rise. Soon there will be no more drinking water, and everyone will start to get sick. According to the calculations of A.L.I.E. we have six months time, then the Earth will no longer be habitable” I explain, faster than I expected. "Praimfaya" she exclaims, and I look at her questioningly. "There's no need to worry so much, Clarke. After my Ascension, I became aware of the presence of some bunkers, present in every clan. One is right here in Polis, and that's where Skaikru could be safe. We just need to find the way to break the news to everyone, without creating chaos” she explains, while I give myself a long sigh of relief. "We will not need to find a way to survive, this time we already have it. Without you, nobody could have informed us of the presence of the bunkers. You saved us again” I say, as she smiles and nods, adding: "We'll make it together". At this point the emotions take over again, and I feel the tears making their way in my eyes. "You really are here, I thought I lost you again. I couldn't have done it alone, I needed you. I need you. Are you really here?” I whisper, bursting into tears, while Lexa holds me in her arms again. "I'm here. I told you that death is not the end Clarke. I'm here, I'm here with you” she repeats to me. Then I feel her rest her face in my hair while she continues to hold me tightly, and I start to calm down. "Don't leave me anymore" I beg her as she answers: "I won't do it, we're strong together, we'll make it. The day that we dreamed will come Clarke, and I will be with you". I walk away slightly, still in her arms, and when I look into her eyes I see that her eyes are also shiny. I approach and kiss her quickly on the lips, then return to hug her again, breathing deeply into her perfume. No matter where, when and with whom. As long as I'm with her, I'll just need a hug to feel at home.

Lexa’s pov  
Clarke and I will make it, we'll go over this together too. The day we dreamed will come, and we will go to our stream. We will be able to see the reflection of the sun in the crystalline water, to hear the rustling of plants shaken by the wind. We can live us there, without thinking of anything else. We remain embraced while time seems to fly, and neither would want to be anywhere else except in the arms of the other. When Clarke and I break away, the sun is going down. We decide to return to the tower, while men are still trying to fix the rooms destroyed by the events. We go to my room, which fortunately is still in excellent condition. Clarke immediately goes to sit on the bed, and I follow her. When I'm on the bed, she starts talking: "Lexa after you are... well after what happened, Ontari killed all the Nightbloods. She cut off their heads while they slept, to be the new Commander. Aden, he too is...” but she interrupts herself, and I see in her eyes the reflection of the tears that make their way into mine. "They didn't deserve it, it didn't have to go that way. Aden, he was..." I start to say but then the emotion forces me to stop. I try to clear my throat and then ask: "Titus, what happened to him?". "He helped me, he nominated me as new Flamekeeper. My job was to get Luna to take the Flame, but she refused in every way. In the meantime, Titus has committed suicide, remaining faithful to you” says Clarke. "Titus, he was my teacher" I start to say. "Did you find out about the existence of Luna?" I ask then. "I thought about your tattoo and the circles, but it was Titus who told me her name. I found her thanks to Lincoln. He died too... it was Pike who executed him. Octavia has taken her revenge by killing him in turn” explains Clarke, and her eyes also become shiny as she utters the last words. "All of them, they didn't deserve this" I think aloud. "No, they didn't deserve it. This is why no one else will lose his life. We have to make sure to save everyone, and together we'll do this Lex” says Clarke, as I shiver and look up again, looking back at her. "Lex, only my father ever called me that" I whisper with the voice full of emotion. Clarke gets closer to me and puts a hand on my thigh as a sign of comfort. "I didn't know, I'm so sorry..." she starts to say, but I interrupt her. "No Clarke, all right. I'm glad you use it. I see many of his traits in you. Your strength, your determination. I ehm ... I saw him again. After my death, I traveled in my mind, I relived some past moments. He was there with me, he helped me understand why I had been chosen” I begin to explain, when she says: “Wait, it's true! The legendary commander, the legend you told me. It's you” and smiles proudly in her eyes. I nod and start talking again: "He made me understand why I made certain decisions. According to him I listened to my head, not letting myself be influenced by the previous commanders, but I listened above all to my heart. He is grateful for this, it is your credit if I am here now. You have reopened the doors of my heart”. "Well, it's thanks to you if I could forgive myself. I will be able to tell the love of having lived in his name, thanks to you” adds Clarke, maintaining eye contact. Probably the real me is the one I see reflected in her eyes. We approach slowly and begin to kiss, while Clarke slips a hand behind my neck. I put mine on her face, to bring her even closer to me. I love her with all myself, and it seems that every time I fall in love with her again. We are interrupted by the noise of voices coming from the square, so we detach ourselves slightly remaining with the noses that touch and the closed eyes. We breathe each other's breath, then we burst out laughing, and I give her another quick kiss before getting up. She does the same, and together we go down for the ceremony of the fallen.

Clarke’s pov  
During the ceremony I am next to the other ambassadors, while Lexa lights the fire pronouncing the typical phrase: "Yu gonplei ste odon". Everybody imitates her, and I do the same. When the ceremony is over, my mother and Kane approach her. "I'm really glad you're back here, I heard the stories they tell. You must be proud of yourself” my mother tells her, while Kane nods, confirming. "Thank you, it's great to be back" Lexa replies politely, smiling slightly. "Abby, could you make sure that King Roan has the healing he needs?" She adds. My mother nods and walks away, followed by Kane. "Clarke, I need to talk to some of the ambassadors, and to stay sure that Echo will respond to what she did. Obviously she will not be killed, but she has cut the throat of another clan's ambassador, she has to pay for it. If you want you can go and rest in your room, I'll join you as soon as everything is solved” says Lexa as she approaches. "Yes I think I need it so, see you later” I reply, greeting her with a last look. Once back in the room I decide to go out the window, to look at the stars waiting for Lexa to arrive, so then we can do it together again. As the minutes pass, I feel my eyelids getting heavier. I try to stay awake as long as I can, but then tiredness takes over and I fall asleep.

Lexa’s pov  
After fixing the matter of Echo I go into my room to get ready for the night, and then I go to Clarke's. When I knock several times and no one answers, I start to worry, so I go in and start looking for her, but she's not there. Then I notice the half-open window, and I see her lying on the balcony on the ground. She's sleeping, with a hand under her face. She is still dressed, she must have been really tired. I return to the room and take a blanket, then I lie down beside her trying not to wake her, and spread the blanket over us. She does some strange ways, but doesn't wake up. I allow myself a few minutes to look at her so serene and relaxed, her face lit only by the moon and the stars. I put a blonde lock behind her ear, then look up at the sky. There are two stars that shine close together, right above us. Seeing them makes me smile. I look back at Clarke, and I smile even more when I see how beautiful she is. She is more beautiful than the stars, the moon, and the sky. If at this moment I saw a shooting star, I would have nothing to ask. I'm lying next to the girl I love more than anyone else, more than myself, and there's nothing else I want. I turn on one side and close my eyes. I raise an arm and lean it around Clarke's waist, to get her closer to me and make her feel safe. The contact makes her wake up, in fact she opens her eyes and smiles. "First I was looking at the sky above, there are two stars that shine nearby. Don't you think they are a little like us?” She whispers with a sleepy voice. "Yes, I saw them. I think you're the most beautiful of all the stars I've ever seen” I whisper as she smiles and turns her head to me, leaving me a quick, sleepy kiss on the lips. Then she turns back saying in a joking voice: "Goodnight Commander" and I answer her according to the game: "Goodnight Ambassador". We both burst out laughing. We fall asleep at the same time, after saying together a "I love you" that really is not enough to express what we feel for each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	14. What are souls made of?

Clarke’s pov  
When I wake up I realize I am no longer on the balcony, on the contrary, I am lying in my bed. Lexa is not next to me, so I decide to go look for her. "Lexa?" I keep calling her, but she's not in the room. Was it possible that her return was nothing but a dream? My head starts turning again, so I go back to sit on the bed with my head in my hands. After a few minutes I hear someone open the door, and immediately a voice calling me: "Clarke? Are you awake Clarke?". When I look up and see Lexa approaching, I run towards her and hug her. I had not dreamed, she is here with me. "What happened?" she immediately asks, worried about my behavior. "I didn't... I didn't find you next to me when I woke up, and I started calling you but you weren't here. I thought I had dreamed of your return” I confess. She walks away to meet my gaze, and has a serious expression. "Clarke, I'm here, I'm really here with you, okay? I'm not going anywhere” she tries to reassure me. "Did you take me to bed? Wait, why are you already wearing your uniform? It's just dawn” I ask her. She smiled a little, then replied: "Of course I brought you inside, when I woke up you were trembling for the cold and I couldn't leave you out there. I'm awake because I have to go find her Clarke, I have to find Luna". I smile at the thought of her expression as she rests me on the bed trying not to wake me up. "Right, we have to go and warn her. Wait, you were going without me?” I ask her, with a little disappointment in my voice. "Clarke, you were destroyed last night and fell asleep right away. I just wanted to let you rest, I was hoping to come back before your wake up” she replies. I feel a smile expanding on my face, then I approach her again leaning my lips on hers. Initially it is a slow and sweet kiss, but when the situation is about to get out of hand I move away leaving her with a dissatisfied expression on face. "Lex, we have to go look for Luna" I remember her in a firm but playful voice, and she rolls her eyes. "Let's go" she says, taking my hand and dragging me out of the room. We go down to the central square and are about to ride our horses, when we hear someone shouting: "A doctor! They need help!". Lexa immediately runs in the direction of the voice, and I follow her. "Nyko, what happened?" she asks immediately, seeing the man carry a girl who doesn't stop coughing. When the girl turns her face to face, we both remain open-mouthed. "Luna?" Lexa exclaims.

Lexa’s pov  
Some people start to gather around us, when I notice Abby trying to push her way through the crowd. "Let her pass!" I shout, so she manages to get close to us and start visiting Luna. "ARS" she exclaims, and I immediately ask her "What is it? She will heal?". "Acute radiation syndrome, she could heal, but she needs immediate medical attention" she replies. Clarke immediately turns to Nyko: "How long has she been in these conditions? And the rest of your people?". "For a week, more or less. At the beginning only the fish started dying, but then the humans started to get fever and vomit. The others... nobody could manage it. Luna seems to be reacting, but her cough is getting worse” he explains. "Is there no one left? But how is all this possible?” I ask, looking first at Nyko and then at Clarke, who immediately takes the radio from Abby's belt. "Raven, Raven do you receive me?" she says approaching the device to her face. "Clarke, what's going on?" The other immediately answers, from the other end of the line. "I'm in front of Nyko and Luna, and it was just reported to me that all the Floukru started to get the symptoms of a radiation syndrome, and no one but the two of them survived. Is it possible that the radiation level is already so high?” Clarke asks. After a few moments of silence, we hear Raven's voice again saying: "Clarke, I just checked. The level is already very high compared to the norm, and it is in continuous raising. According to my calculations, we don't have more than two months to find a solution, and the time could decrease even further". "This is not a problem, Lexa already has the solution. My mother will take Luna and Nyko to Arkadia, so you can treat them. The commander and I will take care of the rest” concludes Clarke. While Abby immediately goes to get the necessary for the departure, I motion to her to follow me where we can talk in private. As soon as we return inside, I immediately start to say: "We have to explain everything to them Clarke. They have heard the whole discussion with Raven, and many are already panicking. We have to intervene before the situation becomes unmanageable” and she answers with a nod. When we return to the square, I summon all the ambassadors for a private meeting in the throne room. Once everyone is in the room I begin to explain the whole situation, and give them the necessary instructions for finding the bunkers. “You have to bring your people together and let them know what happened" I conclude, and everyone starts going out, leaving me and Clarke alone in the room.

Clarke’s pov  
"We need to talk to Kane" I announce, and Lexa nods. We both return to the square, and we see him approaching followed by Indra. Before they can talk, I immediately begin to explain them the solution found by Lexa: “According to the Commander, in every clan there is an underground bunker, which will be essential to defend against radiation. The Skaikru and what remains of the Floukru will occupy that is here in Polis". "Kane, you have to go to Arkadia and report the news. Ask Abby and Raven to update me via radio” I conclude then, and he nods and starts to walk away. "It's a pleasure to see you again, Heda," Indra says, extending the arm to Lexa. "It's a pleasure to be back" she replies, squeezing her forearm. When the square remains deserted, we return to the tower. The sun is down now, so I follow Lexa to her room. Before we can start talking, we hear Abby's voice from the radio: "Clarke, do you receive me?". "Yes, mom, I'm here with Lexa, we listen to you" I reply, so she starts talking again: "Even here in Arkadia some have begun to contract the symptoms of the syndrome. When Kane arrived and broke the news, Raven and I decided to use radiation medicine supplies. Despite this, they didn't manage it. Luna is the only one who survived, and she didn't even take the medicine. I think nightblood makes immune to radiation, Clarke". I sigh of relief at the thought that at least Lexa is not in danger. "Stay safe Mum, try to limit exposure to radiation" I recommend, when I hear her voice again. "Clarke, there's another thing. Since I arrived, Raven has had two seizures. I'm not sure, but I think they are due to the way the chip was removed. I'm afraid the situation may get complicated, do you know where we could get answers?". I turn to Lexa who looks at me worriedly. "Becca's lab, mom, Murphy knows where it is. We will perhaps find some clarifications. Gather a team, we'll leave tomorrow morning from Polis” I say, and I hear my mother's voice for the last: “I'll talk to Murphy, if you won't hear me I'll see you in the morning in Polis. Be careful, I love you Clarke". "I love you too mom, don’t worry there is Lexa here with me" I conclude turning back to Lexa, who looks at me smiling. "You'd better go and change you, tomorrow we'll be leaving very soon" she tells me, and I do as she said. After a few minutes I return to her room, and I see the window ajar. When I go out on the balcony, I find her ready to sleep, with her hair loose, and a blanket folded close. I will never get used to seeing her like this, without the uniform, without braids, serene and smiling. After hesitating for a moment for admire her in all her divinity, I go and lie down beside her, leaning my head on her shoulder. She immediately holds me close to her, and for a few minutes we remain in silence, listening to each other's heartbeat.

Lexa’s pov  
I would like to live forever in moments like this. My face in Clarke's hair, her scent in the air. After a few minutes in the same position she turns to look towards the sky, and I do the same. "Clarke, there are still the two stars of yesterday that shine nearby, right above us" I whisper. "Do you think they shine for us?" She asks me as she continues to look at the sky with admiration. "Or maybe we are together for them. Maybe it was written in the stars that we would find each other” I reply, and she smiles as she continues to roll a lock of my hair around her finger. "You should have seen them from the Ark, you would have liked them. In those days, spending entire nights watching them was my absolute favourite hobby” she adds, whispering. "Why isn't it now any more?" I ask her. "What's special about seeing them from afar when my favorite star is right here beside me?" she replies, turning to look me in the eyes. I feel the tears coming. I feel my heart skip a beat. I could stand still here, watching the immense blue of her eyes, and I wouldn't even need to breathe. Sometimes when I'm next to her I forget even to do it. I need her to live, more than air, more than anything else. Her light has become the only reason I have to exist. So when I hear her ask me: "What do you think souls are made of?" I don't even need to think before I answer her. "Mine is made of you" I whisper, making my face more serious. It's amazing how true and how much these words mean to me, yet pronounced they never seem enough. “But how do you manage to do it?" she then asks me, and the light in her eyes is now even more intense. "To do what?" I ask her in turn. "To be so absolutely perfect. In everything, even in talking. Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve to have you in my life, because I really can't explain it. You really seem to be a star falling from the sky, you don't belong in this world Lex” she explains, continuing to stare at me like I'm the most beautiful thing she has ever seen. "I think I belong to any world where you exist" I confess. "Here we are again. Do you see? You don't even try! How can someone not love you?” says Clarke. "It is you who brings out the best of me, I believe it is your merit" I reply. She smiles and looks up at the sky with a satisfied air, and I get closer still, so much so that every inch of my body is in contact with hers, and our foreheads touch. For a few minutes we both close eyes, limiting ourselves to breathe the breath of the other. Even with my eyes closed I see her angelic face in front of me.

Clarke’s pov  
Being with Lexa makes me feel special. Every word that comes from her lips is pure poetry. The reality with her is even better than the dream, and proof of this is the fact that even with my eyes closed I continue to see her face. Without me realizing it, we're kissing, and it's like the first time, the most beautiful feeling I've ever experienced. "I love you, really" Lexa then whispers, her lips still resting on mine. "I love you, really" I reply. Then we fall asleep, with the faces in contact, and the hands intertwined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	15. Trust me

Clarke’s pov  
I wake up feeling something move under me. Instinctively I try to get up looking for a support point with my hand, my eyes still practically closed. When I find it, I hear Lexa's voice saying: "Damn Clarke" and I open my eyes, realizing that I'm lying on top of her, with my hand on her face. She is staring at me, her green eyes still glazed with sleep. "Think you let me breathe?" I hear her voice again, and I realize I'm still on her. I was losted looking into her eyes. "Sorry" I whisper as I move to the other side of the bed, while she turns to me. "I must have moved in my sleep” I try to justify myself. "Actually when I woke up tonight and took you inside, you started to complain in an incomprehensible language, and then you lay down on top of me. You didn't even notice that you were already asleep” explains Lexa, smiling, while I answer her jokingly: "Well it wasn't a disappointment, otherwise you would have moved me". She accepts the challenge by saying: "Maybe if you weighed less I wouldn't have risked suffocating in my sleep" and both of us burst out laughing, when I lay again on her who snorts, and while I rub my nose against her, I ask her with the sweetest voice that comes to me: "That's so uh? Do you think I’m fattened?". She smiles, continuing to leave tender kisses on my lips, then replies: "No, you're perfect, I let you do it because I didn't want to wake up you”. The expression of a puppy with which she says it, and the voice still hoarse from sleep, make her irresistible. For a few seconds we look at each other like this, until she smiles and turn the situation upside down, and saying: "It is time to return the favor" she lies on top of me, her head on my chest and her hands under her face. I move her hair away from her face, and I stop to admire her, continuing to caress her head. What did I do to deserve her? Seeing her like this, with her disheveled hair and relaxed features, makes her even more beautiful. A smile escapes my disbelief, and she begins to make groans with her eyes still closed. "Why are you laughing?" she then asks, the voice barely understandable. "I was trying to figure out if I like more the version of you commander or this one” I reply, imitating the voice of someone trying to concentrate. She opens her eyes and moves higher, then folds her hands under her face and leans back against my chest, staring into my eyes with a smile on her face. "What are you doing?" I ask her, keeping me from bursting out laughing, because now she really looks like a puppy. "I'm letting you enjoy the moment, because then I'll restart to be the bad commander who makes you so scared" she replies, still joking with the most tender voice I've ever heard. "I could never be afraid of you commander, not if you continue to be so sexy while giving orders" I tease her, as she immediately replies: "You should show more respect to the commander". "And you should stop looking at me like that, because you're so adorable that I almost regret the warpaint. It is not right for you to take advantage of my weakness, dear Commander” I reproach her, trying to maintain a certain seriousness in my voice, although it is practically impossible for me. She starts to nod, then closes her eyes and gets closer and closer, until our lips meet. "You could also continue to do this" I whisper between one kiss and another, making her smile again. Then suddenly she leaves and gets out of bed, leaving me lying with a surprised expression on face. "We have to leave today, don't you remember?" she asks, in a provocative tone. "Are you taking revenge for yesterday morning?" I ask her in turn, and she responds with a "Yes" and a quick kiss on my lips, before going to get ready. I close my eyes, unable to see anything but her smiling face and her wide green eyes. I'm probably smiling. "You should go get yourself ready, too!" I hear her shouting from the other side of the room. I get up reluctantly, and before closing the door behind me, I continue to tease her screaming: "I didn't know my mother had already arrived!".  
Back in my room I start to dress, and collect the strands in front of my hair in a single little braid behind my head. When I'm ready I go back to Lexa's door, but before I can turn the handle it opens, and she comes out ready and perfect as usual. "Let's go," I say, taking her hand, and she starts down the stairs, dragging me behind her. Before going out into the square she goes to get her sword, and when she turns to offer me a dagger, I show her the gun I tied to my belt.

Lexa’s pov  
As soon as we get out, we see Abby followed by Raven, Murphy, Luna and Nyko. Clarke runs to hug Raven and Abby, and I follow her. "Keep the Rover, Lexa and I will follow you on horseback" Clarke orders, and a few minutes later we are on our way to Becca's laboratory. During the journey I notice that she remains silent, so I try to comfort her by saying: "Raven will be fine, we will find a solution". She answers with a nod, then thanks me with a smile. I smile to her too, and after about half an hour we arrived at the pier. We get off the horses, while the others come out of the Rover. We begin to get closer to a structure, when suddenly we see drones approaching. "Everyone on the ground!" I shout, before throwing myself at Clarke, dropping her next to me. We take refuge behind a boulder, the bullets that keep darting around us, while I hold an arm around Clarke's shoulders to hold her closer to me, trying to keep her safe. I manage to destroy a drone that had approached us with the sword, and I do the same with the others closer and closer. "Run, go back!" I shout, delivering one last shot and dragging Clarke with me. When we are far enough away, Murphy says: "We have crossed the border line, we can’t get to the laboratory without being hit by drones". "I can try to hack the systems, but I need time" intervenes Raven. We are interrupted by screams of pain, and when we turn around we see Nyko lying on the ground, with a wound in his chest. Luna is next to him, crying. We all run towards them, but when Abby manages to get closer, Nyko no longer breathes and is still. "He lost too much blood, he didn't manage it" she explains. Luna continues to cry over the body and says: "He was trying to protect me, he threw himself over me when he was hit. He saved my life". Clarke and I exchange a look, because that's exactly what I did a few minutes before. We hear shots again, and we see a drone approaching through the trees. A moment before he gets into Clarke's reach I can pull him in my direction, so that Murphy has a chance to shoot him. Hit several times, the drone begins to lower, and I manage to hit it with the sword, destroying it. Clarke remained motionless with her mouth wide open all the time, if we had acted only a moment later she would have been hit. I run towards her and take her hand in mine saying: "Are you okay?". She replies: "Yes, thanks to you" when Murphy exclaims behind: "Sorry if I am there too!" so she thanks him too, and I do the same. Raven, a few steps further, is still trying to deactivate the drones. She must hurry, soon the others will be here too. "I’m almost there!" she then announces, when we hear other drones approaching. Before we can react, we see them deactivate and fall to the ground. We all sigh of relief, while Clarke exclaims: "You did it, Raven!" and the other smiles. We continue to get closer to the structure, Clarke is a few inches from me all the way. I can't help thinking about how close I was to losing her. When we are a few meters from the laboratory we proceed with more caution, while Raven checks that there are no other active devices. After a few minutes she beckons us to enter, so Abby opens the doors and goes into the structure, and we follow her.

Clarke’s pov  
When we're all in the lab, Raven starts looking around, experimenting with some equipment. "How did you hack the drone system so fast?" Luna asks, but before she can answer her, the other puts her hand to her head and falls to the ground, convulsing. We all run towards her, and we see blood coming out of her mouth. My mother walks away for a moment, then returns to inject something into her arm. After a few seconds, Raven's body begins to relax, even though she is still unconscious. We stand around her waiting for her to wake up, Lexa is next to me, and she shakes my hand in hers. We see Raven coughing, and my mother immediately turns her on one side, while the other tries to get up. "Hey hey wait, you've had another crisis, you have to go easy" my mother whispers to her, as she starts babbling nonsense. "... here Becca created the nightblood, from her studies we could recreate it" we hear then say, before she gets up and immediately goes to the central system. "Raven ..." I try to stop her, but she has already found the patterns, which are now projected on the screen in front of us. Before we can say anything, my mother approaches Raven and in a firm voice orders: "You have to go and rest. You need to sleep, now” and she decides to listen to her. "According to my reasoning, when you removed the chip from Raven's brain, small parts remained merged with it. For this she shows of having skills that she did not have before, a part of Becca's mind is joined to her brain. We need to find a way to remove the parts, or the situation could get worse. She could get a stroke” my mother explains. Lexa turns to me worried, while the others are still shocked by the news. "What can we do?" I ask, and she answers immediately: "You, nothing. I have to find Becca's studies on the chip in the system, and how to remove it correctly. In the meantime, you too would do well to rest ". Luna and Murphy follow her advice, while Lexa and I decide to go out to check on the surrounded. We reach the trees among which we had taken refuge before, when Lexa approaches me taking my hands in hers. "Abby will be able to remove the parts of the chip from Raven's brain, Clarke. You need to calm down. Before you were going to be hit, if only Murphy and I hadn't intervened in time now you wouldn't be here. Try to think a little bit about yourself" she says. "I try, but she's my best friend Lex. I can't see her in these conditions and not being able to do anything” I confess to her, when she brings me closer to her, clutching me in her arms. It's unbelievable, but even a hug of hers manages to calm me down. I stand with my face in her hair, when I look up and notice some berries gathered on some leaves, a few steps away from us. "Lexa, look," I say, pointing to the fruits. "There's someone” she exclaims. We look for traces, and later we find other berries, and shoe prints. "They're small, it's a little girl" I notice, looking at them better. "Or a little boy, anyway we have to find him” adds Lexa. We keep searching for hours, but with no results. When we see that the sun begins to set, we decide to return to the laboratory and talk about it with others. We find my mother beside Luna, who turn to us seeing us come back. "Maybe I found a solution for Raven, but it's very painful. The worst thing is that it is the only one we have. We should stop her heart for fifteen minutes, the exact time to block the electrical impulses in her brain. To do this she must enter the ice tank of the laboratory, so that the brain death does not intervene. To complicate matters, there is the fact that Raven has a heart murmur since childhood. This is why when she wakes up we should work with the defibrillator to prevent cardiac arrest” she explains. After listening carefully I turn to Lexa who looks at me, her eyes wide. "How many chances are there that it works?" I ask. "The same percentage that the plan fails and Raven doesn't wake up” my mother replies. "We have to tell her, the choice must be hers" I then say, and she nods. Lexa returns to hold my hand to try to reassure me, while my mother gets up and is going to wake up Raven, but is interrupted by the voice of Bellamy coming from the radio: "Here Bellamy from Arkadia, do you receive me?". Immediately I take the device in hand, answering: "Bellamy, I am Clarke. We hear you”. "Clarke, black rain has arrived. Contact burns, kills. I think the level of radiation has continued to rise” he explains. "We have to hurry," my mother exclaims, and runs to Raven's room. Lexa approaches the radio and starts talking: "Bellamy, you have to listen to me. Find Indra, tell her to order the clans to start organizing. She must tell them that tomorrow at sunset, everyone must be sheltered in their bunkers. You and your people will stay in Polis's. Make sure there are no misunderstandings or disorders". "Received" concludes Bellamy, as we see my mother coming back to the room, followed by Raven and Murphy. "Did you tell her?" I ask my mother, but it is Raven who answers: "Yes, and I will. We must be ready to die in order to really live". We all look at her in surprise, while Luna tries to reassure her: "We'll all stand by you, you'll manage it". The other mentions a smile, and goes to my mother who is preparing the cistern and the other instruments. After a few minutes everything is ready, Murphy and Luna help Raven enter the ice tub, while my mother fixes the electrodes. After a few moments, Raven loses consciousness, and no beats are detected. "Mom, now what do we do?" I ask, more and more in agitation. "We have to wait. The timer will stop after fifteen minutes, and the electrical impulse should restart Raven's heart” she says. I feel heavy legs, so I lean on my knees. Beside me, Lexa does the same, and continues to hold me tight.

Lexa’s pov  
Missing ten seconds, then Raven will wake up. It has to go like this, Clarke would not tolerate losing another person she cares about. I don't want to see her suffer, I can't. I continue to hold her, but she is stiff and anxious. When the timer sounds and the electric shock hits Raven she wakes up, and immediately Murphy, Luna and Abby help her out of the tank. Raven's beats are accelerated and irregular. Clarke gets up and immediately runs to place the defibrillator. It all happens in a moment: the electrical impulse hits Raven, who loses consciousness. I'm run towards them to support Clarke. After a few infinite moments, Raven becomes conscious, and the beats are regular. "She managed it" exclaims Clarke, sighing with relief and hugging me. "She is strong, I was sure she would do it” I say, squeezing her against my chest. Meanwhile Murphy and Luna accompany Raven to her room, and Abby looks at us, smiling. All of a sudden Clarke detaches herself from the hug, turning to her mother: "Mom, first Lexa and I found traces of a little girl, or a child, among the trees nearby. We must save him". "Clarke, the radiation level is too high. You would be too much at risk, more time passes, more the air becomes toxic” she replies. Clarke turns to look at me and I would like to help her, but I would never let her put herself in danger. "I can go Clarke, the nightblood makes me immune to radiation" I try to offer myself, but she immediately interrupts me saying: "No, you don't go anywhere without me. We will go together". I immediately understand what's on her mind when her eyes light up.  
"Mum, the nightblood. Have you found a way to recreate it?” she asks Abby, confirming my hypothesis. "Yes, before with Luna we discovered that with a bone marrow transplant of a nightblood, there are many possibilities for to become one. But they are only possibilities, and I will not let you put your life at risk!” Abby replies. "Mom, it's my choice. I'm not going to stop someone from being saved!” says Clarke. "Clarke" I call her, and she turns to me. "I can't lose you, please. You can't risk your life, please. We need you. I need you". I'm begging her, and I hope she can listen to me. I can't live without her, not without dying too. "And the little girl, Lexa? We can't let her die! I know you think like me and believe me, you won't lose me. I'll manage it, the treatment is simple. Please, trust me” she replies, with tears in her eyes. "I do trust you Clarke, but I can't lose you. Don't you understand that I couldn't live without you by my side?” I confess, almost shouting. I feel the tears making their way into my eyes as she continues to stare at me, praying me with her eyes. I turn to Abby, who looks at me with a resigned and desperate air.  
"Make it work, please" I say, as she shakes her head. Clarke approaches her and hugs her, whispering something in her ear. Tears start run on Abby's cheeks, when she agrees. "Take my marrow, do whatever is necessary” I tell her, when Clarke interrupts me: “No Lexa, you don't have to. Luna could...” but I interrupt her in turn saying: “No Clarke. If we have to do it we will do it together. We promised that we would face anything together. This is yet another proof, and I would do everything for you". For a few moments we look at each other's eyes, and her gaze gives me more confidence. We'll make it together. After all, we've overcome worse things. We follow Abby, who sits us down. She takes a tourniquet and ties it around Clarke's arm as she pulls out the syringe for my withdrawal. I keep staring at Clarke, who shakes my hands in hers. Without me realizing it, Abby has already extracted the syringe, which contains the black serum. She hesitates before approaching Clarke, and I look back at her blue eyes, which are now as shiny as mine. "Trust me" she whispers to me, and I nod, maintaining eye contact. "Everything will be fine, I'm here with you. I will not let anything happen to you” I reassure her, and we both take a long breath. When Abby starts to insert the needle into Clarke's arm, I feel my heart stop. I see the black make its way into her arm, and I begin to be terrified. After finishing the serum Abby pulls out the needle, and Clarke immediately comes to sit closer to me. I put an arm around her shoulders, and she rests her head in the hollow of my neck. "All we have to do is wait a few hours to see how she reacts" Abby says in a choked voice. "Everything will be fine" Clarke and I reply at the same time. "I leave you some alone" Abby whispers, then leaves a kiss on her daughter's forehead and leaves us alone in the room. "How do you feel?" I ask to Clarke. "I'm fine, Lex. I feel that if you stay next to me everything will be fine” she answers me. "I'll be here, I'm not going anywhere. I will always be with you” I reassure her. We approach and kiss, and I feel a tear run down my cheek. She notices and walks away slightly, and I can see that even her right cheek is wet. We both smile, and the tension drops a little. Then Clarke returns to rest her head on my shoulder, and I lean on her. We stay like this, with the minutes passing, and I feel my eyelids grow heavy. Without realizing it I fall asleep, and the rhythm of the beat of her heart, gives me the certainty that she is also sleeping.

Clarke’s pov  
"Clarke, Lexa, it's time to check. Are you both okay?” I hear my mother's voice and open my eyes. The last thing I remember is that I fell asleep listening to the rhythm of Lexa's breaths. "I'm fine, mum” I say, while Lexa says: "I'm fine, we need to check Clarke". My mother walks away, returning a few seconds later with a scalpel between her fingers. She brings it closer to my hand, but then stops saying: "I can't do it" and then Lexa intervenes saying:"I'll take care of it". She takes the tool from my mother's hand and brings it closer to mine, still looking at my face. She presses lightly, and we both sigh deeply before lowering our eyes. In the palm of my hand, we see a drop of blood, nightblood. I'll be right back looking at Lexa and my mother, and they're both smiling. My mother approaches to hug me, and I replace the embrace. When we walk away Lexa is looking at me with shining eyes, and is still smiling. Really smiling. She's gorgeous. She looks back at my hand, then turns back to me and helps me get up with her. "How are you feeling?" she asks, unable to stop smiling when she sees that I can stand very well. "I'm fine" I reply, smiling in turn, and she extends her hand to take mine, then brings me closer to hold me in her arms. From the hollow of her neck I see my mother watching us happily. The two most important people in my life are here, I couldn't ask for anything else.

Lexa’s pov  
I keep Clarke close to me, I'm almost afraid that if I let her go she will fly away. I sink my face into her hair, breathing in her unmistakable scent, which I love to madness. Now I'm sure it couldn't have been otherwise. The universe made us meet, separated us, and then reunited us. What we are is written in the stars. Nothing and nobody can oppose a destiny already written from the origins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	16. We always manage it, together

Lexa’s pov  
While the others went to sleep Clarke and I stayed in the control room, watching the night coming through the security monitor. For a few hours we did nothing but talk about the next day, preparing different strategies to approach the child, and be able to carry him with us to safety in Polis' bunker before it is too late. Clarke's hand slid slowly over my arm, mine in her hair. When she stopped she was already sleeping. Now here she is, with her head on my chest and her breathing smooth and relaxed, she continues to make me fall in love with her with every passing moment. After what happened today, after the risk we ran together, I can't sleep, and watching her sleeping is undoubtedly my favorite pastime. The fact that she falls asleep easily in my presence, even leaning against me, gives me the feeling of being special. It is a gesture of trust and affection with enormous value for me, because I always have the feeling that she could fly away. I have never been afraid, I have always seen fear as a weakness, rejecting it in every possible way. Yet I am terrified by the idea of losing Clarke, not being able to mirror myself in her eyes, not being able to smell her scent anymore, and even just not being able to feel her hand intertwined with mine as we walk side by side. It is amazing how you can love every single detail of a person, such as the way she always keeps a hand under her face while sleeping. I learned to love myself when I'm with her. I like to put her blonde locks behind her ear. I love looking at her in her sleep, every little detail so angelically perfect in her natural state. I love the way she looks at me, different from how she looks at others. I always read the fear that sooner or later I can get away from her again in her eyes. But if she could see herself as I see her, maybe she would be able to appreciate herself how much she deserves, and to understand that whatever happens, always and everywhere, I am and will be with her as long as she wants. I stop stroking her hair so as not to wake up her and I put my hand next to hers, accidentally touching them, and before I can move it, she has already taken it in hers, resting her face on both, continuing to sleep smiling. Unconsciously, in sleep she needs my contact. The thought makes me smile, and warms my heart with happiness.

Clarke’s pov  
Lexa is chasing a little girl, who smiles and holds leaves in her hand. I'm just behind her. We run through the trees, passing through a stream, until the little girl continues to move further and further and Lexa stops a step away from me, who unable to slow down, I keep run and then I fall, making her fall too. We both burst out laughing, and my gaze gets lost admiring her smile, and the glare coming from her eyes. Then I start to see blurred, and her face goes further and further away. I wake up from the dream by opening my eyes, and once again meeting the green eyes of a while ago. "Are you already awake?" I ask in a voice that is barely understandable, when she replies: "I didn't fall asleep". It takes me a few moments to process her words, my mind is still sleeping. When I ask her why, she simply says: "I was looking at you”. I try to sit up, realizing that I still fell asleep on her, and I reply smiling: "Does this seem to you like a good reason to stay awake all night?". "It seems to me a great reason" she corrects me, hinting a smile and crossing my gaze again. She does not even have dark circles, after a sleepless night she is perfect as always. We are interrupted by the others who reach us in the room ready to go. Lexa stands up immediately, while I still feel a bit sleepy. When I'm standing, I ask: "Are you leaving now?" and it is my mother who answers: "Yes, are you still sure you want to stay? I checked, and the radiation level is always more dangerous outside". "Yes, we’re sure" I guarantee, and Lexa nods, confirming. "Well then, this is a may we meet again" my mother says before hugging me, and I smile at her repeating: "May we meet again". When she walks away it's Raven's turn, who throws her arms around my neck and whispers in my ear: "Come back soon, don't put yourself or Lexa in danger. We need you". I reassure her by telling her to be quiet, and repeating to her that we will meet again as soon as possible. Before going to the exit, my mother turns to Lexa with a nod of her head, to which she responds equally. After saying goodbye to Murphy and the others, I notice Luna approaching Lexa and saying: "Be careful, I trust you". She replies by saying: "Don't worry, I'll do it as always. With Clarke we'll manage it much sooner than you think". After a few seconds, they all left the lab in the direction of the Rover.

Lexa’s pov  
Once back in the room Clarke hurries to put something in her backpack, and soon we are out too. As we approach the forest where we found the footprints, she turns to meet my gaze several times, and I can really see a lot of determination in hers. "We'll manage it" I encourage her, and she nods with a smile. We spend the first few hours patrolling the area, but without results. The person we are looking for must have realized that he had left traces the previous time, and surely he will not repeat the same mistake. "Clarke, he knows we're looking for him. Whoever he is, it will be more difficult if he doesn't want to be found” I say in a low voice, and she replies: “I know, but we'll do it anyway. “We must manage it". Her willpower was the first thing I noticed about her when she first entered my tent. We keep walking, until Clarke notices a patch of uneven ground, and beckons me to come closer. "It's the size of a foot, she's trying to hide the tracks but she's not expert at it" she explains. "How can you be sure it's a female?" the question arises. "It seems shallow, and small" she replies immediately, and I nod. When I look up I notice something black moving among the bushes, so I immediately tell her: “Clarke, slowly. Look behind those bushes". She turns slowly and we both lower ourselves and try to get closer without being noticed, but then a bush moves abruptly and a brunette girl comes running out. "Wait! We want to help you!” tries to stop her Clarke, but in vain, so she’s running after the girl when I block her. "Clarke, don't move. Look to the right of your foot” I whisper to her, pointing to the stretched thread hidden under some dry leaves. "She pushed us here, it was a trap" she immediately notes. "It is intelligent, but so are we" I say, then with the point of the sword I hit the wire sideways, making the trap snap open. "Follow me, Clarke!" I exclaim in a low voice, and she follows me behind some distant trees. After a few minutes of silence we see the girl approaching the trap out of use, looking around bewildered. "It wasn't for us, she’s looking for food" Clarke explains, and I nod approvingly. "How can we not make her escape again?" I ask. "We need to talk to her. Let me do it” she replies, sure. When she starts going out into the open I tell her, stunned: "Clarke, what the hell are you doing?" but she's already close to the brunette, who hasn't seen her yet. I decide to follow her, and I'm a few steps away from her when the girl looks up and sees us, and immediately starts looking around for a way out. "Hey, hey listen, we just want to talk. You must come to the shelter, we can help you. Radiation is increasing, there is not much time and you will have everything you need. Trust us, we won't hurt you” tries Clarke. The girl resumes breathing regularly, and for a few seconds I start to think that we could really convince her. But when we try to get a few steps closer she starts running in the opposite direction and I do follow her, but Clarke stops me. "No, it wouldn't make any sense and she would agitate even more. We need to make sure she trusts us” she says. "It takes time for a frightened child to trust even partially. How do you think you can do it in so little?" I ask her. "Because we will stay here until she comes closer. It may take a long time, we will take turns of rests. You start, since you didn't sleep tonight” she says. I know very well how impossible it is to fight back at her in moments like this, so I accept that she is the first guard on duty. I take out the swords and hold them in my hands at my sides, and I lay down on the damp ground. When I rest my head I realize that, after all, the sleepless night made me accumulate a lot of sleep. I look at Clarke who’s pulling out a pencil and tearing a sheet from a kind of notebook she holds in her backpack, starting to draw. Before I can ask her what she’s drawing, I feel my eyelids grow heavy and I fall asleep.  
I wake up facing the sky, and from its color I understand that I haven't slept for more than an hour and half. I turn to Clarke and notice her looking at me, so I get up and go sit closer to her. Is it possible that she also likes to see me sleep? I always thought I was the only one. "It's your turn to rest" I say smiling, and she comes over to leave a kiss on my lips before lie down again. I smile when I see her put a hand under her face. I understand from her breathing that she is initially struggling to sleep, but after a while she succeeds and I see her relax. Here I am alone again with my thoughts, watching her while she sleeps. I was becoming used at her falling asleep over me, and now that she is a few paces further away I feel the detachment. The area is quiet, and so far I have not noticed any traces of the girl. Then I notice the sheet on which Clarke was working before, and driven by curiosity I immediately take it in hand to see it. She portrayed the little girl we met before, and the huge amount of details that she managed to capture in minutes is incredible. Even more so is her ability to put them on paper, she is really talented. Seeing the drawing reminds me of what she did to me while I slept some time ago. I hadn't slept in the company of someone for years, I could no longer put a shred of trust in others until she arrived. I'm still studying the drawing, when I feel a presence on my left and I see her coming to sit next to me, resting her head on my shoulder. I didn't realize she woke up. "Do you like it?" she asks, turning to the drawing. "Yes, a lot. But how did you remember her so well?” I ask her. "Well you know I love to draw, let's say that as a child I learned how to quickly memorize the details of what I portray" she explains, and I can't help but look at her with admiration, because when she talks about something that fascinates her she is still brighter and more beautiful than usual. "We should leave her some food and get away enough to see if she is around to get it" she says. "Yes, it's a good idea. And also leave the drawing next to the food, so she will notice it” I add. "Why do you want her to notice it?" Clarke immediately asks me. "Because it's beautiful, and it's a great feeling to see yourself portrayed like that. In some ways the drawing of yourself leads you to have more confidence in who did it” I reply, and I notice that she understood the reference to the one she done for me when she says: “I still have the one I did of you in Polis in my notebook, I brought it with me every day". I smile at the thought of how she has guarded something that reminds her of me with such care, then I stand up. She stops to leave a few supplies of food taken from Becca's laboratory next to the drawing, and then stands up taking my hand in hers. We move away enough to make sure the girl feels safe, and we stop to wait. After a short time we see her approach our position before, and we notice when she takes the drawing in her hands. She looks at it for a few minutes, then seems to hint of a smile as she folds it and puts it in her shirt. We see her take the supplies and start eating with desire, it had to be a lot that she couldn't hunt.

Clarke’s pov  
We slowly approach the girl, who is still eating. When she hears us she stands, but only to take my drawing and show it to us. "I did it, do you like it?" I try to talk to her, smiling. She nods weakly, as Lexa approaches, lowering herself to her eyes. "It's a good feeling, isn't it? Know that someone used time to draw you. It makes you feel special, and somehow you start feeling more connected to that person. Don't you?” She asks her with one of the sweetest and most beautiful smiles I've ever seen. The other one smiles again. "Do you want to explain how you survived all this time out here?" I ask, trying to be as careful as possible. She moves the sleeve of the shirt she is wearing slightly, showing us a small recent cut, from which a few drops of black blood still come out. Lexa and I immediately turn to each other, both surprises. "Are you a Natblida?" she then asks her. "The rain killed them all, but they kept telling me I was in safe. According to them the fact that I am different, that my blood is different, makes me immune to radiation” the girl tells us, with bitterness in her voice. "Hey, it's okay. You're not the only one, look” Lexa tells her as she presses a twig against her fingertip. A black droplet comes out. The other stunned up immediately approaches her, taking her hand with her to make sure what she has just revealed. She seems to be quieter, so I also intervene: "And so am I, I am also a Natblida" I explain, repeating what Lexa did. "My name is Madi" the little girl introduces herself, and I immediately answer her: "My name is Clarke, and she is Lexa. She is the Commander of the thirteen clans, have you heard of her?". She immediately turns to Lexa with a: "Are you really the Commander that everyone talks about?" and the other nods, smiling back at her.  
We feel the wind rising, and we see in the distance a dark fog, with orange nuances, approaching through the trees. "We have to go now. It's the fatal wave, we have to run in the laboratory!” Lexa exclaims alarmed, and I immediately ask her: “And the bunker? We must return to Polis from everyone else!". "Clarke, there is no time. I am not even sure that we will be able to reach the laboratory before the radiation reaches us. We can't do anything but take refuge in there, it's the closest place and there are enough supplies” she replies, and I can't help but nod. "Hey, listen to me. Do you want to come with us, where you’ll be safe?” I ask Madi trying to hide the tension. She nods again, so we start following Lexa who is running towards the lab. The wave continues to get speed and closer, when we see the structure a hundred meters away. We continue to run, and Lexa makes us pass in front to close the group. When I get to the doors, I quickly open them, allowing Madi to enter, when I realize that Lexa has been left behind for a few steps and the fog is only a few meters away from her. "Lexa!" I scream as I run to meet her and take her hand, to drag her inside with me more quickly. We can close the door behind us and seal the structure with the security system just a few moments before the power goes out and all the monitors turn off. I let myself slide against the wall, ending up sitting on the floor beside her and Madi. "You didn't have to go back, if anything had happened she would have been alone" Lexa reproaches me, her voice still broken by the heavy breathing. "Did you really think I would have left you behind?" I ask her, stunned. "No, I know you, and I know how stubborn you are. But I would have come back to you, I would have done it anyway” she replies. "Maybe, but I wasn't afraid in risking my life if I could save yours" I add. "Anyway, I wouldn't have allowed it" she concludes, and we both turn around and our eyes meet, making us smile. We are surprised when we hear Madi join our laughs. We needed to break the tension a little, after all that happened and after practically getting out of it. "Do you want to go and get some rest? I can show you where you can sleep” I propose to the girl, who thanks me and stands up. Lexa and I do the same, and lead her into one of the empty rooms. We leave her a few minutes to wear something clean, and when we knock on her door she is already lying on the bed. We approach her, and I wish her dreams of gold, while Lexa slightly adjust the blankets under her arms and arranges her pillow. The tenderness with which she does it reminds me of the eyes with which she looked at Aden. She is a special person, and children really appreciate her. I go and sit on a white sofa not far from the bed, and after a few moments Lexa joins me. We wait for Madi's breaths to settle, to make sure she sleeps, before she starts talking, saying: "We managed it." "We always manage it" I correct her, and she adds with a smile: "Together". I smile in turn and lean forward to kiss her. I was beginning to feel the lack of the feeling of having her so close to me. We hear a strange lament coming from Madi who continues to sleep, so we interrupt ourselves and I lean my head on Lexa’s chest, as usual. She leans with her left cheek on mine. I remain listening to the beating of her heart that continues to accelerate and slow down, and when I hear it I also close my eyes. I fall asleep immediately, embracing the woman I love more than my own life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	17. Epilogue

6 years after Praimfaya ...

Clarke’s pov  
"Come on, Madi! We have just begun!” I shout, as Madi continues to parry all my shots, without attacking. We continue for minutes making steps forward and backward, the sound of swords is the only thing that breaks the silence around us. "And so you would be the new Commander..." I begin to say to incite her to strike, when suddenly she grabs the blade of my sword, making her palm bleed, but leaving me completely disarmed, and with very rapid movements she lands and positions herself above me with both swords held in her hands. This time the silence is interrupted by a loud laugh. "Come on, Clarke! Is this the result of six years of training? Where did the legendary Wanheda go?” Lexa makes fun of me as Madi gets up and walks over to her. When I get up I notice looks of understanding between the two. "Is that so then? It is not right to use the Flame to communicate, you two!” I say irritated, while they continue to laugh. "Well, you recognized the technique" notes Lexa, while I answer her: "Yes, and I'd be happier if you wouldn’t let Madi cut her hand trying to imitate you". Both burst out laughing again, while I take bands and start to treat the cut on Madi's hand, which frowns in pain. "At least I didn't complain when you treated my hand!" Lexa exclaims, making fun of Madi this time, who responds with a grimace. "Let's see if you'll keep laughing when you fight with me!" I challenge her, and she smiles satisfied as she draws her sword, and prepares to fight against me.

Lexa’s pov  
While Madi goes to sit a few feet away from us, Clarke gets closer and closer with the sword in her hand, asking: "Are you ready?". "You shouldn't be asking for it" I continue to provoke her, getting the reaction I wanted from her, who smiles and throws herself at me. I have to admit that in these six years I've made her a real fighter. She is very fast, and her intelligence compensates for her strength, which instead is a little lacking compared to mine. We continue to block shots on shots for minutes, from time to time we swap places, trying to hit the other. Fighting with her has become really fun, now that there's competition. As we continue to strike, Madi looks at us with admiration, and occasionally launches a scream of agitation and surprise. I try to surprise Clarke with a feint, and turning on myself at her knee to make her fall, but she is faster and anticipates me, making me end up with my back to the ground. As she crouches above me with the sword in her hand and the satisfied expression, I notice that mine is only a few centimeters from my arm. "And now where is the Legendary Commander? I told you that you would have ended up on the ground against me” now she is making fun of me. For a moment too long we lose ourself in each other's eyes. I enjoy a few last moments lost in the blue of her eyes, before taking advantage of her distraction and grabbing my sword again, managing to make her fall to the ground and turn the situation upside down.  
"I told you, you lose too quickly..." I try to tell her but she interrupts me saying: "Too quickly the concentration I understood it, but you take advantage of my weakness for your eyes and it ends like this every time" and putting a sulked face. A smile forms spontaneously on my face, so I lean slightly towards her, leaving a quick kiss on her lips, before helping her to get up with me. When we are standing Clarke weaves her hand into mine, and together we approach Madi who has jumped to her feet and is coming towards us. "She won again, she will continue to make fun of us!" Madi complains, making me burst into another loud laugh. "The next time you’ll fight blindfolded against me" Clarke tells me, smiling, and I answer her: "I’d win anyway" while she pouts again. She has such a tender expression that I can't help but leave her a kiss on the cheek. When I do it, she smiles happy, well aware of my weakness for her. "Is it possible that every training ends with you two that can't stay away more than two centimeters?" Madi complains again, while Clarke and I raise our shoulders together, with vague expressions. "Here we are again, now you are also telepathic" she adds, when Clarke intervenes saying that it is already evening and it is time to return. "Actually, I have a surprise tonight" I say, and they immediately start bombarding me with questions. "Nothing to do, you will see it when we arrive. Wait for me here, I'll go get a tent in the lab. We will need it” I declare, and then move away towards the building.

Clarke’s pov  
While we wait for Lexa, I decide to ask Madi something more about her connection with the other commanders because of the Flame: "How does it work with the commanders, how do they manage to help you when you're in trouble?". "They are real, I often see scenes from their lives, and from there I can find the help I am looking for. With Lexa it's different, her spirit is in the Flame, but she's alive unlike the others. In addition to having her memories, she often manages to help me even through feelings. I can't explain this, but it's like she's always there to help me” she replies. "So you saw every moment of her life? Since our first meeting?” I ask her again, and she nods. "I have seen even before, since her Ascension. If you want to know, you've completely changed her life. Smiles, the expressions she has when she is with you is something completely new to her. Even when she met you the first time, something has changed in her. You are more important than you can imagine. Betraying you was her deepest regret” she reveals to me, as if she really felt what Lexa felt. I feel the tears in my eyes. With a voice full of emotions, I can still ask her: "Do the commanders still tell you that love is weakness?". "Yes, all but one” she replies and I can't help but smile. Madi spreads her arms, asking me to embrace her, so I hold her tightly to me with eyes still bright. When we see Lexa coming back we detach ourselves by exchanging a smiling look, remaining to admire her as she approaches. We are so lucky to have her.

Lexa’s pov  
After finding the tent I go back to Clarke and Madi, and I find them more smiling than when I left a few minutes earlier. "Are you ready?" I say smiling and they say yes, almost starting to jump for the emotion. Madi takes Clarke's hand in hers, while she does the same with mine, and all three of us start to go into the forest.  
After almost an hour of walking, Clarke asks: "Lexa but where are we going? We have never reached this point". I see the trees widen further ahead, so I answer signaling them to follow me. I don't turn until I'm sure she understands where I just took her. "A few nights ago, while I was hunting, I walked more than usual and ended up here. It is one of the few places that has remained intact since the Praimfaya. This is the..." but Clarke interrupts my explanation: “It's our place. Our stream". When I hear her words I turn towards her, who in the meantime plunges to me, hugging me, with tears in her eyes. For a few moments I enjoy the embrace, sinking my face into her hair, filling my lungs with her perfume. Then, even with shining eyes, I look up at Madi who looks at us smiling a few steps away and I wave to her to join us. She runs and joins our embrace, and we stay like this, squeezed together like a family, while the minutes pass with the rhythm of the water on the rocks.

Madi’s pov  
I always wanted a family that hugged me to make me feel safe. With Lexa and Clarke, with their love, everything is so perfect. As I had always dreamed of it. At my age I don't know what love is, but I'm sure there is even something more between them. Sometimes it seems as if they are breathing one another's air. They can't stay away, and the only fear they have is that something can divide them. The affection and sweetness they have towards me makes me feel loved as no one ever did. That's why, during these six years spent together, I'm enjoying every single moment. Moments like this, in which we all are with eyes full of tears and emotion, happy to be together, will always be in my heart.

Clarke’s pov  
Despite the minutes that go, I still can't realize where Lexa really took me. The hug at least hides the tears that I can't hold back, and that make me feel so fragile. But Lexa knows me, and that's why when she gets away from us a little, I know she got that I'm crying. With her thumbs she gently dries the tears on my cheeks, then while I look at myself in the immense green of her eyes, she says: "I promised you that one day we would come back here together". I keep getting more and more lost in her eyes as I nod, and I notice that she too is crying. When she realizes it, she makes a strange nod to Madi, who immediately nods too, and I understand what they have in mind only when I find myself suspended in the air, with the two of them taking me towards the stream and throwing me into the water ignoring my threats and my screams. Under water I hear two thuds beside me, and I understand that they have reached me. I decide to repay them with the same coin, so I stay in apnea without coming back to the surface for a while, until I hear my name scream more and more worried. When I have completely finished the oxygen I go out of the water taking the air and bursting out laughing, while Lexa still with a frightened expression squares me a moment and then starts to curse me in every possible way, saying things that are meaningless, everything except insults. Involuntarily she’s still sweet and she makes me laugh even more, and Madi does the same. Together we start to splash Lexa, who joins the game smiling and splashing even more.

Lexa’s pov  
I really felt the blood freeze in my veins when Clarke didn't come back to the surface, but then I couldn't stay serious in seeing her and Madi so happy. We start with a splash contest, from time to time one ends up under water, and I realize that I have never been as carefree as in the past few years spent with them. Now we are living in Clarke's dream of coming back here one day, and being able to make it happen, and making her happy, fills my heart with joy. It is the only thing that matters, that she’s happy. That them both are. After all these years, the three of us are a family. When I hear Clarke say: "Sleeping Beauty, are you coming back to us?" I realize that I completely absorbed myself in my thoughts. "Sleeping Beauty?" I ask with a questioning expression, and Clarke replies: "Another fairy tale, like Little Red Riding Hood, let it be" and I burst out laughing when I remember of having talked about it in Polis a few years ago. I go back to play diving near them, splashing them so much, that they both dive over me making me go under the water. I come back out coughing, because I kept laughing all the time, even drinking a little. They laugh more and more. When I stop coughing, I throw myself immediately over Clarke, who clings to my neck, dragging me underwater with her again. Still below we open our eyes, and spontaneously we approach to kiss each other. We are interrupted by Madi who plunges above us, and when we finally manage to get out of the water we are all breathless. Fortunately the sun is setting only now, so we lie on the shore trying to dry ourselves.

Clarke’s pov  
"We should assemble the tent" I notice, while Lexa and Madi are lying down, eyes closed. Lexa makes some strange moans and Madi completely ignores my words so I say: "I understood, I’ll do it by myself" and here is Lexa gets up immediately to help me. It's so nice that she cares about me and she always tries to help me, even for the smallest things. Together we begin to pitch the tent, while Madi remains seated to eat something from the provisions we have brought. We spend less than expected, and in a few minutes the tent is ready. When we turn to Madi, we notice that she has already fallen asleep. Lexa turns to me smiling and I do the same, then together we carry her inside the tent trying not to wake her. I leave her a kiss on the forehead, while Lexa caresses her cheek, and we leave her to rest.

Lexa’s pov  
It's night now, and Clarke and I lie on the shore, both with our hands folded behind our heads. "You know I checked this morning, the radiation level is finally stable. We should go and look for the others” she says, and I answer her: "Yes, tomorrow we will start looking for the bunker and a way to get them out of there". After my answer, Clarke stands up for a moment, only to come closer and lie down with her head on my shoulder a moment later. "You know, it's a bit that I have an idea in mind and I wanted to tell you" then she whispers. "Go, tell me" I reply immediately. "When I was on the Ark, we also studied the stars in depth, and one concept in particular fascinated me a lot right away. There are stars that orbit together around the same center of mass, they feed on the same material, and they shine only if the other one also shines. If one turns off, the other one also turns off. They are binary stars, destined to live together, and to depend on each other. Do you think that for some people it may be the same?” she says, leaving me speechless.  
After a few seconds of reflection, I ask her: "Like soulmates?" and she replies: "Yes, but also something more. The soulmates are destined to find themselves, and when they do, it is as if they live with a single soul divided into two bodies. But think if the binary system existed for people, as if it had been written in the universe that they would find each other one day. As if these can only shine together, and feed only on the happiness of the other. I believe that starmates are people with souls made of the same stardust". I feel as if she had read me inside, and had just expressed my emotions and my feelings for her in words. "Do you believe in starmates?". “Yes, I really do. I've never been so sure” says Clarke. "I think I always have been. I think I was always sure that you were my starmate, but I never managed to find the right words” I confess. "Because there are none. There are no words to describe these emotions, only we know what we really feel. Would you like to let yourself go, trusting only in what you feel for me?” she whispers. "Would you like it?" I ask her back. "Yes, with all of myself" she answers without hesitation. "Then I want it too" I whisper in response to her words. She gets closer until our noses touch, and for a few seconds we breathe the perfume of one another, then our lips touch, and that is really the only way to express our feelings. It is a long kiss, full of love and passion, which we interrupt only to let our eyes meet.

Clarke’s pov  
Starmates, it looks so perfect for us. I still admire Lexa's face, and she really looks like if she’s made of stardust. I go back to travelling in her eyes, I get lost, again and again. I come back in me when I hear her whisper: "The world seems to have been made just to be seen by your eyes". I smile, and move a lock of hair from her face, then continuing to caress her cheek. "I would give up seeing the world, just to be able to see you" I say, and I notice a small tear rising on the lashes of her left eye. "I love you" she declares, with a serious expression and bright green eyes. "I love you" I reply, and I feel a tear running down my cheek too. "It is much more than this, you know that, right?" she asks me, and I answer immediately: "I know. It is much more than anything". "You fell from the sky, and you came right next to me. What have I done to deserve it?” she then whispers. "I fell from the sky just to find you, what did I do to deserve to be next to you?" I whisper in response. "You give me everything, even just breathing" says Lexa. "As long as I can breathe your perfume I will continue to do it" I confess. I don't know how, but when I ask her: "Say it again" I'm sure she will say exactly what I want to hear. So when she rests her forehead against mine and smiling says: "I will always be with you", I smile too.  
Souls of starmates are made of the same stardust.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you like the chapter? Let me know what you think in the comments! If you like it, maybe leave a vote, thanks in advance. You can find me on Instagram looking for "debnamcareyit" and on Wattpad looking for “alyciaemeraude”.


	18. This is a thank you.

This is a thank you. Thank you for supporting me in my first story, and thank you for all the votes, the comments and the love you gave me. If this story has come this far, it is thanks to your continued support. I had never thought of writing one before, but after Lexa, after realizing how much her character meant and still continues to be important to me, I simply felt the need to do it. What happened in the show is just a version of what could have been, this story is mine. "What would have happened if Lexa hadn't really died?" "What would Clarke's reaction be in hugging her again and not having to let her go again?" "How would they live their love?" are all questions that kept spinning on my mind, and this story is the answer. I hope it excited you how excited me writing it. This story ends with a new beginning, in which Lexa and Clarke will finally be able to live their love, facing each situation together.  
A sequel? The idea is absolutely not excluded. I have often thought of writing about Clexa in recent seasons, precisely because my story is a re-adaptation of the original, as you may have noticed from the different parallels with the show. For this reason, once the seventh and last season of The 100 has come out, maybe I could write a new story in which Lexa and Clarke will face the new realities together to finally get to the "maybe one day" that made we all crying. Until now I didn’t want to reveal the title and the cover of this story, but finally here we are.   
All of this, is Starmates.


End file.
